Your Own Personal Shampoo
by Tritan Z
Summary: Imagine, if you will, the rules about what happens if Shampoo is beaten in a fight are different. Also imagine that Ranma is a much trashier comic than it really is, and you have this story.
1. Sleeping Arrangements

_This story is co-written with a buddy of mine, Lumitiel. I should note that this is not a story meant to be a tasteful tale. It's goofy erotica. So don't take it seriously and enjoy the fanservice._

* * *

"Oh." Ranma said. Looking down at the unconscious young woman in front of him. Her own Chui on her head. It having been kicked there by Ranma when she had tried to attack Akane. "Oh. **Shit."**

It had been hard enough running for his life in his cursed form whenever she caught up with him. (And man was she a good tracker. How she managed to hunt him down in middle of _Beijing_ , after being male for three days straight , he had no idea.) Now there would be no peace, unless he got out of here **now.**

"Well Akane I think I'm going on a training trip!" From nowhere he produced a overly large backpack.

Akane, seeing the seriousness, nodded and pulled out a sleeping back and camping supplies. Also from nowhere. "OK! See you later Ranma! I'll write when she goes somewhere far away!"

That's when Shampoo stood up, groaning, her eyes locked with Ranma. The chui fell to the ground with a heavy thud. (Kasumi, who was in the middle of sweeping, pushed it into her dustpan while humming cheerfully.) "You… you defeat Shampoo…"

"Me?" Ranma's voice raised a few pitches. "No!"

"It was an accident!" Akane added.

Shampoo didn't pay attention to their denials. She stumbled towards Ranma, who was wondering if perhaps if he could keep her from giving him the Kiss of Death…

Of course, that's when Ryoga shoved him straight into her. "Come on Ranma! Face her like a man!" he said, smirking. Ranma made a mental note to punch Ryoga extra hard next time they had a fight.

Shampoo stared up at Ranma, her eyes wide and… tear filled? Ranma, who was weak to any sort of female tears, was taken aback by this change in her demeanor. Far from the cold anger she had displayed when he had first beaten her in China. That's when Shampoo made her move. She fell to her hands and knees, bowing her head at his feet. "Master." She said, quietly.

There was a stunned silence by everyone in the room. (Except Kasumi, who dumped her full dustpan into a nearby bin, still humming.)

It was at that point that Soun entered. "What is going on here?!" He asked, loudly.

"Oh it seems Ranma ordered a sex slave from China." Kasumi gave her interpretation of the events.

Soun's rage was a terrifying thing to behold, and almost made Ranma wish she had just given him the Kiss of Death.

*Linebreak*

It took a few minutes to calm Soun down and explain that no, Ranma had not spent the Tendo fortune on a high quality Chinese prostitute and that he had no idea what the hell was going on. the residents of the Tendo household (And Ryoga) were all gathered around the table. Shampoo was sitting demurely beside Ranma, head bowed and quiet.

"So… she tried to kill you and now she's calling you Master?" Nabiki asked.

Akane frowned, was this some kinky sex game? She clenched her fists, if Ranma had a sexy girlfriend he played these games with and hadn't told her…

Shampoo produced a book. "Here." She handed the book to Ranma.

Ranma flipped open the book. "Uh… I can't read Chinese."

"Here, let me see that." Nabiki grabbed it. "Huh… it's a book about her village's laws."

"Wait you can read Chinese?" Akane asked.

"There's a Japanese translation." Nabiki pointed to the translation on the back half of the book. Ranma laughed sheepishly. "Huh. It says here that being defeated is a terrible loss of face for the warrior of the village. The higher ranked the villager, the greater the loss."

"Shampoo champion of age group." She said, "Heir to many secret arts."

"Right. I guess you losing would be a massive loss of face. So, to make up losing to the female Ranma…."

"Shampoo give Kiss of Death. Defeat girl Ranma, recover honor."

"But then, after losing face before, you were beaten again by him." Nabiki said, "And then…" She flipped through the book, "Oh my."

"What?" Ranma asked.

"Being beaten by a man is a far bigger shame." Nabiki looked up, grinning. "It seems that if a warrior loses to a man, they are actually considered dead by the village. And, unless the warrior can do some great act of penance is, well, this is interesting…"

"What?!" Ranma asked. "What is it?"

"Should I explain… I do want some ice-cream…" Nabiki held out her hand to Ranma. But before Ranma could either hand over some yen or start the haggling process Akane snatched the book out of her hands. "Damn it Akane." She pouted.

Akane stuck her tongue out at her older sister. "Now then… upon losing to a man. She must either commit an act of penance, to be dependant on her rank, or… or…" Akane's face turned red.. "Or be reduced to a **slave!?"**

"Shampoo highest rank possible for age. Only penance would be slaying of great monster threatening village. And all dangerous monsters already dead" Shampoo said. "So Shampoo is slave."

Ranma, who despite his occasional jerk moment was a decent person at heart, shook his head. "N-no way! Look, Shampoo, that law's silly. If, uh, well. I don't want, or, uh, need a slave."

"Shampoo see." She faced away from Ranma, so only Akane could see the dim look in her eyes. "Then Shampoo not needed." It was fortunate that Akane was the one sitting next to Shampoo. Any non martial artist would not have been able to react in time to Shampoo drawing out a knife and thrusting it at her throat. As it was, Akane was only able to tackle Shampoo to cause her to drop the knife.

"What the hell!?" Akane shouted to the girl.

"Shampoo dead to village and family. If Master has no need of Shampoo then Shampoo have no reason to live." She said flatly.

Ranma turned a little green at the thought, "Ah… uh…" He didn't want Shampoo to **die.** He just wanted her to **not kill him.** "Wait a minute! If, uh, if you really want to. I guess I could, uh…" He looked to Akane to help.

Akane, who had just stopped a suicide, had her compassion for other human beings override any jealousy and worry about this sexy, perfectly formed woman coming on to her fiance. "I guess we have no choice Ranma. You can, uh, take her."

"So… um…" Ranma blushed, feeling awkward as hell, "I guess, err, I'm your boss?"

Shampoo gave Ranma an uneasy smile. "Thank you Master."

*Linebreak*

Luckily with Akane's approval Soun couldn't rage about a strange new girl being brought into the household by Ranma. So the day went, and Shampoo just sat quietly in the room, observing the inhabitants. By the time night came Ryoga had gone off to play P-chan, the jackass, and his dad was off doing something with Soun. Tired, he opened the door to his room and was ready to go to bed.

Though, he quickly saw that he wasn't the only one in the room. "Sh-Shampoo!?"

"Nihao Master." Shampoo said, sitting seiza by his futon. She was also dressed for bed. Shampoo's method of dressing for bed was an old white button-up shirt, and panties. The top few buttons were missing, exposing a generous amount of her breasts. He could see every bit of her long, smooth legs, and even a trace of her panties! "Ready to go to bed?"

Now Ranma may be, at this point, moderately interested in his fiancee romantically. And, of course, physically attracted to her. However, he was still a teenage boy. And the sight of any woman dressed like Shampoo, especially a woman dressed like Shampoo with a figure like Shampoo, caused his mouth to dry and no small amount of blood to rush between his legs. "W-what are you doing here?"

"This Master's room, no?" Shampoo asked. "Shampoo sleep here too? Master have futon with Shampoo? Or share futon with Shampoo? Perhaps unworthy slave sleep on floor?" She asked casually.

"Ack… err… ah…" Ranma began to panic. Shampoo expected him to give her an order. Namely, where to sleep. This would be his first official act as her "Master." He took a few breaths, trying to figure out what to do with her.

"Akane!" Ranma shouted.

Shampoo blinked, "What?"

"My.. my fiancee…" Ranma stuttered out, then winced at actually acknowledging the engagement in the heat of the moment. "Uh, go ask her if you can sleep in her room."

Shampoo took that knowledge in, before nodding. "Ah. Shampoo understand." Her Master was engaged to be married. Which meant that, once he married the young woman who had saved her earlier that day she would also be her Mistress. Obviously Master wanted for Shampoo to get to know her future Mistress better. She stood up, ignoring the sudden trickle of blood from Ranma's nose as she flashed her panties at him. "Good Night Master."

*Linebreak*

Akane was reading a comic with P-chan (It was really cute how the pig almost seemed to be able to understand the comic!) when she heard the door knock. "Come in." She said, and was a little surprised to see Shampoo enter. P-chan looked **really** surprised, but Akane missed the nosebleed from Shampoo's sleeping outfit.

"Oh, hello Shampoo." Akane said. Managing to, thanks to years of practice in the girls locker room, not look at those long legs or her cleavage. "What, uh, are you doing here?"

"Master tell Shampoo to see if Lady Akane would be generous enough to allow Shampoo to sleep here." Shampoo asked.

Akane blinked, "Uh… sure."

"Ah. Will Shampoo be taking bed? Futon? Floor?" Shampoo rattled off the options.

"Well… I guess we can share the bed. We're both girls, right?" Akane said.

Shampoo simply nodded, "If that what Lady Akane wish."

"Wait… why are you calling me "Lady Akane"?"

"Because Lady Akane is future wife of Master. So Lady Akane will also own Shampoo." Shampoo answered, giving Akane a bright and very cute smile. "Lady Akane only have to ask and Shampoo will fulfil **any** need Lady Akane has."

"R-right…" Akane said.

Now, one thing about Akane that she did her absolute best to hide was her attraction to women. Sure, she liked men. But there was also something about girls that was appealing as well. Part of the reason she had been so upset about Ranma's curse, at first, was learning that the cute vulnerable girl she had met at first was really a boy. She had been the first girl she had felt tempted to try more than just appreciate her looks, and it had been a lie. Granted, she had long forgiven Ranma for it, it wasn't even his fault really.

Now, a very sexy girl had just practically offered herself to her. Could she tell Akane was Bi? Was she just a natural flirt? Or did she just want to leave all options open as a slave she was convinced she had to be available.

Akane shook her head, clearing her mind of the thoughts that had came to her. "I'm just going to read some more then go to bed." Akane gestured to a small shelf filled with books and comics. "If you want, you can too."

Shampoo shook her head, "Shampoo no read Japanese."

"Oh. Sorry." Akane said, "We should probably teach you, if you're going to be living here for a while."

Shampoo nodded, "That be best."

* * *

Akane soon learned that, when given something to cling to in her sleep, Shampoo would gladly become a human octopus. So, Akane did her best to ignore the strangely soft yet strong arms wrapped around her waist. The large, perky breasts pressed against her back. Or the Chinese mutterings as Shampoo whispered dream words directly into her ear.

She hadn't seen P-chan since Shampoo crawled into bed with her. (Ryoga took one look at the sight, and decided it would be best for his blood pressure to not be in the room with her tonight.) So Akane didn't have anything cute of her own to hold, and she wasn't going to turn herself around. She finally got her eyes closed, and drifted off to sleep.


	2. The importance of an Education

The normal trouble from waking up from the best night's sleep you've ever had is that you are ending it. The difference in this case was that Akane was waking up hugging a super hot foreign girl that obeyed her every command. With their faces so close that if either of them breathed wrong, the suction force would have them kissing.

The first ten conscious seconds Akane had that morning entirely revolved around whether or not to breathe wrong. Then Shampoo's eyes opened, and the former warrior girl smiled at her.

"Nihao, Lady Akane," Shampoo cutely mewled. "What do in morning?"

For a moment Akane forgot how to speak, then she shook her head and made an attempt to disentangle herself from Shampoo's octopus-like grip. The Chinese girl giggled as if they were playing some sort of game, and suddenly Akane tumbled right out of bed.

"S-Sorry!" Akane apologised for basically nothing. She pulled herself to her feet while Shampoo lounged in an almost seductive manner on her bed. Akane deliberately ignored her sexy, sexy body and her cute, kissable face and tried to keep the conversation flowing naturally. "Uh, so normally I go on a morning jog around the block, then I'll come back home and do a spot of training. Then I bathe. By the time I'm done Kasumi has breakfast ready, so I get dressed and head off to school with Ranma."

Well, that last part was a recent addition. She used to head off with Nabiki, but these days Nabiki tended to scoot off well before Akane was ready to leave. No doubt trying to force the two of them to spend more time together for her own personal amusement. Or maybe Daddy was paying her off.

"Sound good!" Shampoo said, and off came her bedclothes. Those were some rather perky breasts, it must be said. "Shampoo borrow jogging gear? Not bring any."

"Okay?" Akane robotically said. Her hand trembled as she pulled out some appropriate clothing. A t-shirt and some shorts. Yes. That was all. That was fine. Just try to ignore the part where you're getting dressed in front of another girl, you do it all the time at school. Ignore her deliciously seductive body. Ignore the fit, creamy flesh, the healthy and powerful muscles lying beneath a lean yet curvaceous frame. Don't look at her. Don't try to imagine that she was looking at you either, checking out your butt when you leaned over just now to pull those shorts on, don't imagine that she wanted you as much as you wanted her...

"All dressed!" Shampoo happily called, prompting Akane to sigh in relief and turn around. That died just a little and turned into a very nervous, very disturbed gulp. Because Shampoo was indeed wearing the clothes Akane had given her, but...

Well, Shampoo was a little bit bustier than Akane. She was able to wear the shirt easily enough, but it rode up just enough to display her navel. That somehow gave it this weirdly erotic appeal as though it was something Akane wasn't meant to see, but could anyway. Also, the shorts were just a little loose. Not much. But a little. Which meant they gave the impression that they might fall down at the slightest provocation... But they instead stayed exactly where they were.

Akane wanted her. She wanted that girl so, so much.

And that feeling didn't abate any when they actually went out jogging. No matter how fast Akane went, Shampoo was able to stay just ahead of her. Almost like she was forcing Akane to stare in amazement at her long, luscious legs or her tantalising, swaying hips. On the one hand she could easily order this girl to cut that out, but on the other...

On the other, she should probably take the time to enjoy the view.

* * *

In the meantime, Ranma's morning routine was just a touch different. Wake up. Spar with Pops. Then settle down for a delicious breakfast served by Kasumi. Jumping into the air for mid-leap combat was the perfect way to build up an appetite and get those muscles in gear for a brand new day! And today, he gave that panda a good hard smack right into the pond just as Akane returned from her morning jog.

"Enjoy your breakfast, mister panda!" Ranma taunted. Hah! A little earlier than usual today. He watched Akane wander upstairs to her room and frowned. Something about the way she was walking seemed kinda weird. Eh! Whatever. For the time being he was content to sit at a safe distance and wait for breakfast while Pops tried to shake the water out of his fur.

"Good morning, Master!"

Or he could jump out of his skin when a certain cute girl that had, until recently, been trying her darndest to kill him suddenly knelt on the floor next to him and stared up at him in adoration. You know, like this she really was pretty. It almost made a guy forget about that 'trying to kill him' thing.

"Shampoo want help Master!" she excitedly said. "Anything Master want, Shampoo do!"

He remembered yesterday. If he ordered her to leave him alone, she'd probably kill herself. That wasn't something he wanted on his conscience. Trouble was, what exactly could he order her to do? He didn't need her to do... Well, anything! That was part of why he sent her off to sleep in Akane's room last night. The other part, of course, being that allowing a pretty girl to sleep with him would be... Letting a pretty girl sleep with him!

"Uh..." he began. "You could, maybe get a job? Buy yourself some clothes? Maybe learn to speak Japanese a little better..." Shampoo nodded enthusiastically, but otherwise didn't move.

"Those good long-term goals," Shampoo said. "But anything Shampoo do for Master now? Shampoo willing and eager to do anything Master want!"

Now, even Ranma couldn't hear a thing like that without feeling something. Though goodness knows he tried his best. So, let's see. Was there anything he needed doing right now that would keep Shampoo out of his hair?

"Make me a bento," Ranma said. Shampoo tilted her head and frowned in obvious confusion. "A lunch box. Something I can carry in a box and eat for lunch."

And off Shampoo skipped into the kitchen to make him lunch. Sorry, Kasumi, but maybe you'll appreciate a little lightening of the load? Actually, that was a pretty good idea. Get Shampoo to help Kasumi around the house. That way she wouldn't pester him at school all the time. Yeah. That might help keep things simple! That might work! Nothing could go wrong with that.

Right?

* * *

So now Shampoo was washing her back. With her hands. With her soft yet powerful hands. Soft, powerful, precise hands. Touching her naked back. Her nnnnaked back. It was a good thing Shampoo couldn't see her face right then because Akane was pretty sure she'd made at least a couple of lewd expressions while her back was being washed by this teasing minx.

Oh, there was little doubt about it anymore. This was deliberate. Shampoo was trying to seduce her. The way she'd burst into the bathing room just after Akane had finished stripping down, tossed her own clothes aside and then started expertly kneading and teasing Akane's shoulders while sing-whispering this strange Chinese tune into her ear... It was a wonder she didn't melt on the spot!

"Lady Akane is too, too tense," Shampoo tapped a spot on Akane's back, and she let out a whimper in spite herself. "Need relax."

"... Okay," Akane muttered in muted agreement. And then they bathed together. Naked. Sitting in a bath. Shampoo scooped up some water, tilted back her head and let the water run down her front. It was a pretty glorious and mesmerising sight. If Akane wasn't already convinced Shampoo was making the moves on her, that would have absolutely done it.

Before she even knew it they were sitting at the dinner table. Shampoo had drifted over to sit next to Ranma, just on the opposite side from where Akane was sitting, and... And she started feeding him breakfast. It looked like Daddy was going to object until Kasumi hushed him, making a pointed gesture at her throat and nodding towards Shampoo. It looked like he wasn't happy with it, but he wasn't going to push the wedding even at the expense of another person's life.

"Ah!" Shampoo said, holding up the chopstick to Ranma's mouth. He blushed. But he ate it anyway. Shampoo giggled, and... And her other hand rubbed along the inside of Ranma's thigh. Gently brushing up against a certain point where there happened to be a rather obvious bulge.

Ooh, that little - How dare - Actually, which one was she upset at for showing interest in the other? Her handsome, arrogant jerk of a fiance, or the bubbly smoking hot babe that almost seemed to be hitting on both of them at the same time? It happened. It actually happened! For the first time since the Saotomes had arrived, Akane's righteous irritation at Ranma fizzled before she could even sit down.

Why did she feel this situation was going to get more complicated before it got simpler?

* * *

Never let it be said that Shampoo did things by halves. When training to be a warrior she was her best to train as hard and as much as possible. When she swore an oath to kill that Female Ranma (Where was she anyways?) she sure as hell did her very best to murder that red-haired bitch so hard her ancestors would feel it..

And now that she had failed in the ultimate duty of any Amazon warrior, to never lose to a man, she would be the best slave to her conqueror possible!

Of course, the question came about how to better serve her new Master? He wanted her to find a job. Of course, the issue was that what sort of marketable job skills did she have?

She could crush steel with her bare hands. She was an expert tracker and hunter. She knew a lot of esoteric ancient Chinese techniques lost to the rest of the world. Yet would any company accept that and give her a part time job that suited her talents?

That's when Shampoo noticed Soun, reading the newspaper while smoking a cigarette, and Kasumi, cleaning up after breakfast. Of course! She would seek the advice of the head of the household. She stood up and walked straight towards Soun, who was eyeing her suspiciously. She reached him, pausing for a moment… before ignoring him completely and calling out to the other person in the room. "Miss Kasumi!"

"Yes Shampoo?." Kasumi gave Shampoo her sweetest smile. One which held no guile or alternative motivations whatsoever.

"Can Shampoo ask for advice?" She asked.

"Oh ask away." Kasumi said.

"Shampoo want to find job. But Shampoo wonder what sorts of jobs Shampoo could do…"

Now, Kasumi could easily say that there were plenty of simple part time jobs that anybody could do with little qualification. However, something as simple as that just would not do! Kasumi was hoping that after spending some time in Japan she'd get over the whole "I'm a worthless slave" thing so Ranma and Akane wouldn't have to walk on eggshells around the girl. Maybe then she could go home back to China and stop raising her father's blood pressure. Yes, Kasumi had only good intentions.

And you know what they say about Good Intentions.

"Well Shampoo, if you want to get a better job, why not go to school first?" Kasumi suggested. After all, at school she could make friends and see just how much life had to offer her!

Shampoo's eyes brightened. "That good idea!" With an education, she would be a far better slave to her Master. She bowed, "Thank you Miss Kasumi!" With a skip in her step, she headed off to school.

* * *

At the gates of Furinkan High, its guardian rested. Weary after doing battle, he rested at this noble hour. Recovering his strength so that he might do his duty once more.

AKA: Kuno tried to challenge Ranma to a fight while simultaneously flirt with Akane. The two had promptly run over him in their haste to get to class. He was now just barely starting to recover, mainly due to being roused to consciousness from. He peeked up from the concrete… to see up a fairly short qipao. That's when she kicked him again.

"Not for you robe boy!" Shampoo shouted, as Kuno found himself embedded into the wall surrounding the school.

Not one to be effected by a woman inflicting brutal violence on him, Kuno pulled himself out of the wall. "Greetings fair maiden. What brings you to these noble halls of learning?"

Shampoo blinked, "This school? Shampoo needs to learn." She had, of course, tracked her Master and Lady Akane to this building. Hoping it was, in fact, a school. She could see their footprints on this man's face, so she figured they were around here.

"Indeed it is. If you wish to register to this school, I, the Blue Thunder, will gladly escort you to the office." Kuno said, then he produced a rose from nowhere, "Perhaps afterwards I could give you the pleasure of a date?"

Shampoo looked down at the rose, then back up at Kuno. Despite being outwardly calm, inwardly every instinct Shampoo had was screaming at her to just start punching this man. Only stopping once he was a broken, mangled, corpse. That was something Shampoo found odd. After all, the only other human being who had inspired this urge in her was Mousse. Still, just like how murdering Mousse wouldn't have gone well back in her home village, killing this Blue Thunder guy might get her Master in trouble. Plus, he was offering to help, so Shampoo decided that he'd get to live. Well, unless Master wanted him dead. In which case she'd kill him discretely and in such a way that it would never be tied to him.

"Not now, can Mr. Blue Thunder take Shampoo to register office?"

"Of course!" Kuno took his arm and wrapped it around hers in a way that was far too familiar for Shampoo's tastes. He gave her a smile that Shampoo was sure he expected to make her swoon with. "Shall we go?"

Resisting the urge to rip his arm off, Shampoo nodded.

* * *

Now, one may think that Shampoo might have some problems getting registered for school. First, it was an open question on whether or not she was even in the country legally. She had no papers, no educational history. By all rights she should not have been allowed into the school. However, there were two things that worked in her favor.

The first was that this is Furinkan High. A school run by a man with a palm tree growing out of his head. Standards were… lax, to put it mildly. As long as you do the homework and don't flunk out the placement test, Furinkan had a place for you. The second was that Shampoo entered the registry office not through the door like a normal human being. She went through the wall. If she had wanted to get into Tokyo University the secretary would have enrolled her after that entrance.

And, of course, the cosmic law of perversity wouldn't allow this chance to go by. As such, Ranma and Akane's second period was interrupted by the teacher making an announcement.

"Class, I've just received word that we're getting a new student coming in from China. Please give a big welcome to our new classmate, Shampoo."

Ranma and Akane's jaw's hit their desks simultaneously. Shampoo beamed, she was in the same class as Master. "Nihao!" She bowed to the class.

"Now Shampoo, it says here you're staying at the Tendo residence, in that case I expect Miss Tendo to get you a proper school-"

 **"NO!"** And so the teacher was silenced by the entire male half of the class, minus Ranma, shouting down the teacher. The idea of putting those legs or that _figure_ in a plain Furinkan uniform was a crime in their eyes. Now, if this school had some sense and had those cute Sailor Fukus with the short skirts maybe there'd be something. But it did not, so instead that hot qipao would have to do.

"Err… never mind… go sit next to Miss Tendo." The teacher conceded defeat, and all the males minus Ranma (plus Akane) let out a sigh of relief.

* * *

"How do you do it Saotome?" Ranma immediately could tell his lunch was not going to be fun today.

Ranma looked up at the two guys who had, somehow, become the guys he hung out with at school. It was Hiroshi who spoke up this time. "Do what." He asked flatly.

"Get those chicks! First you get engaged to **Akane Tendo** of all girls, now this new hot chinese girl is staying with you guys?"

"OK. First off, the whole… **thing** with Akane? That was our parents idea. Neither of us want anything to do with it."

That's when Daisuke jumped in, "You hear that Hiroshi? That's what bullshit sounds like. I was there at that skating match man. I recall you saying, quote, 'Akane is my Fiancee. Lay a lip on her and I'll kill you.'" He had the most annoying smirk at saying those words.

It was apparently possible to turn pale and blush at the same time. Because Ranma did it. "That… uh… I was just trying to scare off that pervert!" He had completely forgotten about that mess! Shampoo had shown up right afterwards and neither he nor Akane had really had any time to catch up on things what with the whole Shampoo problem. He opened up his bento, seeing that Shampoo had indeed prepared it. Rather than the usual Japanese lunch foods, it was all Chinese.

"Nihao!" That's when all three boys jumped back by the sudden appearance of Shampoo.

"Holy crap it's her!" Daisuke whispered.

Ranma tried to take control of the situation, "Hey Shampoo…" He sent silent signals, hoping desperately she'd have the sense to not bring up the whole "Slave" thing in public.

Nope. "Master enjoy lunch?" She asked cheerfully, while also holding up a pair of chopsticks, clearly intending to feed him again.

There was perfect silence, the only sound being a distant "Where the hell am I now?"

 **"Master!?"** the two said at once. Swarming him.

"Look! It's… it's not whatever the hell you two are thinking! It's just, uh, well, she was…" Ranma trailed off when he noticed Shampoo's expression turning cold.

"These boys bothering you Master?" Shampoo asked. With that question, Ranma remembered that Shampoo could probably kill every single person in the school bar himself, Akane, and maybe Kuno with nothing more than the pair of chopsticks in her hand. For Akane and Kuno she'd just have to pull out an actual weapon.

"B-bothering me? No! Of course not. Shampoo, these are my friends. Hiroshi and Daisuke. You know, they're just teasing me. Cause that's what guy friends do." Ranma laughed nervously.

Hiroshi and Daisuke, not being martial artists and thus unable to pick up on the tense unspoken conversation that had just occurred, immediately jumped to the perverse. "So, Ranma, why is she calling you Master?"

"Ah… well…" Ranma thought about a way to explain if without sounding too bad, "Ah! Well, you see, I beat her in a fight in China. So, for a period of time, she has to, uh… study under me!" Yeah that will work. She's calling him Master in the sense of a Martial Arts student would!

(Naturally, this excuse wouldn't fly longer than five minutes if one bothers to think about it. After all, the word Shampoo may be using to refer to Ranma in universe Japanese is "translated" as "Master." However there are a few words in Japanese that can be translated as such. The word used by a Martial Arts student to refer to his Master is _"Shishou."_ The title Shampoo has given Ranma, that for the sake of the readers is being "translated" from Japanese to English is _"Goshujin-sama."_ Which means "Master" in the context of a servant or slave speaking to their Master.)

"She's, uh, not so good with Japanese yet…" Ranma finished off the lame excuse, hoping they'd buy it.

They didn't.


	3. The Truth won't set Her Free

Back in her own classroom. Nabiki was waiting for the shoe to drop.

Now, despite the impression that she gives of being this all knowing schemer, the truth about Nabiki is much simpler. She's a young woman with above average intelligence… surrounded by utter **morons.** The fact that Tatewaki Kuno is the most popular guy in school really says it all about the general intelligence of the Furinkan population doesn't it?

Whispers had already reached Nabiki's ears about the (really hot) foreign student who had joined Akane's class. And so, Nabiki was waiting for the opportunity to pop up. She knew that, sooner or later, some miracle would drop into her lap that would provide another wonderful source of hilarity.

"Nabiki Tendo." And Nabiki's wish was granted in the greatest way possible.

"Well heloooo Kuno-baby." Nabiki batted her eyelashes at him. "What brings you here today?"

"This is my classroom Nabiki Tendo." Kuno said flatly.

"Oh? And here I thought you were just one of my stalkers. Oh wait. **Akane's** the girl you stalk." Nabiki said sweetly.

"To call the affection I give my love such a term is a new low for you." Kuno responded.

"Sexual harassment then? Good old fashioned Assault? Give me a hint Kuno-baby."

"Every day my loathing for you only grows." Kuno said.

"You wound me." Nabiki said without the slightest trace of sincerity. "So what brings you here today? I already sold you the ice skating shots of Akane and Ranma." ("I did not purchase any photos of Saotome" He protested.) "Did you, perhaps, find a new victim?"

"Tis nothing of the sort!" Kuno shouted. "Nabiki Tendo, I merely heard that your home is giving shelter to a fair maiden of Chinese descent. Come to learn from Japan's superior education system. I helped her enroll, and wish to know if there is anything I can do to aid her."

Oh yes. This was perfect. Nabiki made a note to drop the fact that Kuno was the one to get Shampoo into school around Ranma some time. The question became, what to tell Kuno? She generally made it a policy of telling the truth. Not due to any moral reasons of course. But simply because it was more amusing to stretch the truth and watch idiots jump the completely wrong conclusion. All it took, most of the time, was leaving out a bit of information that created a completely different context. But then her grin became wider as she realized this was _Kuno._ He already had a completely stupid impression of Ranma, she didn't even have to stretch the truth in the slightest!

"One thousand yen." Nabiki said first. She had her principles, after all. Never do for free what idiots would pay for. Kuno handed over the bills without complaint. After counting them to make sure he got it right, she pocketed the money and began her explanation.

"Shampoo is from a small village in backwater China. It's a matriarchal society, you know, women rule and all that."

"How strange. A place where women rule, not knowing the roles the heavens placed them…" Kuno murmured.

Nabiki rolled her eyes, "Well don't worry Kuno-baby. I know my place **and** yours. Anyways. Continuing on, these women are strong and dangerous fighters. You know the Pig-Tailed Girl?"

"Yes? Does the Pig-Tailed girl come from this strange village?" Kuno asked.

"Nope. She was just visiting while training in China with her dumb panda." Nabiki said. "And, well, I don't know all the details but Shampoo and the Pig-Tailed Girl ended up having a fight. The Pig-Tailed girl won."

"Indeed. Such a fierce flower could not help but win…"

"Ah but here's the tricky part. You see, the village has a law. If a woman warrior loses to an outsider woman. In this case, the Pig-Tailed Girl, she is to be given the Kiss of Death. An oath to hunt her down to the ends of the Earth and kill her."

"She wishes to kill my beloved!" Kuno shouted, drawing his bokken from nowhere, "I will not permit her to-" Now, Nabiki usually wasn't one for violence. But sometimes you needed to hit a dumb animal to get them to listen. In this case, a biology textbook to the head.

"Another thousand yen for interrupting me, unless you want to not hear the rest of the story. Don't worry, Kuno-Baby, the Pig-Tailed Girl isn't in any danger."

Ignoring the growing lump on his head, Kuno handed another set of bills to Nabiki.

"Anyways. Eventually the Pig-Tailed Girl managed to ditch Shampoo. But then yesterday she showed up again at our house." Nabiki said, "Long story short, when Ranma and Akane didn't spill the info on where she was, there was a fight. And Ranma won."

"Hmm…" Kuno stroked his chin, "So this maiden is, perhaps, aiming to kill Saotome? Perhaps I should-"

"Not yet Kuno-baby." Nabiki said. "You see, that whole kiss of death law applies only if she loses to another **woman.** It's far worse for her to lose to a man, like she did to Ranma." She leaned in close, letting the suspense build. "Such a loss of face can only be made up for by something big, depending on how high up in the village hierarchy the warrior is, you see?" At Kuno's nod, she continued. "And apparently Shampoo is way up there. So the only penance she can perform is to receive a **punishment.** Namely, she has to serve Ranma, basically a slave."

Kuno's eyes widened, "That maiden… enslaved…"

"And that's pretty much it." Nabiki leaned back, ready to see how this went. A reasonable person would look at this as Shampoo being the victim of her culture's harsh standards. Ranma himself caught in the middle. The problem? This was Tatewaki Kuno. "A reasonable person" will never be put in the same sentence as his name unless there's a "not" somewhere in there as well.

Sure enough, the concept spun through his thought process like a derailed train. Within a matter of moments, the facts had been assembled. They were then promptly murdered, and their corpses jammed around the conclusion he had already made.

"I see now. Hearing of the strength of this village. Saotome must have sent the Pig-Tailed girl to them! Risking her own life to lure the amazonian maiden, to enslave her for his own perverse needs!" Kuno thrust out his bokken, and Nabiki wondered if this was meant to be a stand in for something else. "First Akane Tendo… then the Pig-Tailed Girl… now this Shampoo… does Saotome's perversions know no bounds! I, Tatewaki Kuno, Age Seventeen, must put a stop to this enemy of women once and for all!"

"I'm sure this will go as well as the last dozen times you tried to beat Ranma. Have fun Kuno-baby." Nabiki commented, opening her lunch box. "Huh. Chinese for lunch." Shampoo must have made more than just Ranma's lunch then. "This is pretty good."


	4. An Easy Enough PE Class

Akane had, thankfully, long learned how to deal with her bisexuality in situations like changing rooms. It wasn't like it was that hard. The fact that Akane generally leaned toward wanting relationships with men helped with that.

Of course, that was quickly changing with the addition of Shampoo. Luckily for Akane, nobody really noticed her practically ogling the girl due to most of the rest of the class gawking at her. Shampoo just seemed to draw attention.

"Uh, here…" Akane handed Shampoo a bundle, "You can borrow one of my extra gym uniforms. We'll go shopping for some of your own later."

Shampoo gave Akane a bright and pure smile. "Thank you Lady Akane."  
There was a sudden hush over the girls locker room. "Lady Akane…?" Her friend Sayuri asked quietly.

Akane blushed, turning to the locker. "Shampoo, she, uh, you know, isn't that great with Japanese yet. She's just trying to be polite, since my family has taken her in…" Opening her locker, she pulled out a spare gym shirt and pair of bloomers. "Here Shampoo, you can wear this today, before we get you a new set."

Shampoo beamed, "Thank you Lady Akane." She took the gym outfit and began immediately taking off her dress. There was another hush as **they** bounced into sight. Several girls became intimately jealous of her , meanwhile, found herself quietly thanking God she would be able to see those perfectly formed orbs every day. Not a bit of sag, a perfect slight bounce, and nipples just the right size to fit between her fingers.

 _"Kyaaa!" Shampoo gasped as Akane suddenly grabbed Shampoo's chest. "L-lady Akane…"_

 _"This is how things go in a Japanese school. Shampoo." Akane lied, "We got to make sure you're healthy." The other girls nodded and agreed._

 _"O-ok…" Shampoo moaned as Akane kneaded her chest. "It… ahh…."_

 _"Very good. Very good." Akane cooed, before running one hand down her perfectly toned stomach. "Your upper-body seems healthy… how about your lower body?" At those words two fingers were stuck between Shampoo's legs._

 _"Ahhhhh!" Shampoo gasped. "That… ohhh sooo good Lady Akane…"_

 _"Good girl." Akane whispered into Shampoo's ear, her breath making the slave girl shudder. "Now let's see how those lips are…." She turned Shampoo's head towards hers, leaning in close to make the final contact…_

"Lady Akane? You OK? Face is red." Shampoo's voice brought Akane back to reality. She had gotten dressed, and it was if anything more eye catching then when she had been naked. Akane was far from the only one stunned by the sight. Shampoo's breasts, tightly pressing against the already tight gym blouse, combined with a tight, perfect ass shown off by the bloomers, managed to catch the eye of all the girls in the locker room. Other than Akane, at least three other girls accepted their own bisexuality and one girl finally admitted to herself that she was a lesbian.

"I'm fine.." Akane said, beginning the process of getting dressed herself.

"So… you… uh… don't wear a bra?" Yuka asked.

Shampoo shook her head, "No need. Many exercises and shiatsu treatments in village. Keep back strong and breasts up." A grin popped up on her fact, "Shampoo's Grandmother bigger then Shampoo, no sag. Shampoo's Grandfather happy man."

"You'll have to teach me that….' Akane murmured.

Shampoo nodded, "Of course Lady Akane." She looked serious, "Shampoo must warn though, exercies hard."

Akane's pride as a martial artist jumped in, "Hah! I can take it. Heck, I've been needing an exercise and sparring partner for a while. You can help me with that, right?" She finished pulling on her gym clothes.

"If Lady Akane wishes it." Shampoo said, following behind Akane to P.E.

Once those two were gone, the rest of the girls turned to Yuka and Sayuri. "Did you see that?" One girl asked.

"I wish Akane would look at me like that." Another girl said.

Yuka shook her head, "I never thought I'd see the day Akane would be that… blatant."

All the girls sighed dramatically. "It's an upset, that's for sure." Sayuri said, "And I was so sure it'd be Ranma."

"But Akane hates boys!" One of the girls shouted.

"Not that Ranma. The other one. The redheaded girl who's popped up a few times." Sayuri explained.

Akane was, after all, the most popular girl in Furinkan. And the Akane Tendo Fanclub did not include only men. Hell, the club's unofficial motto was "It's not Gay if it's Akane." However, unlike the boys, they were more subtle. Plus, they were happy just to watch, and self-insert as whoever ultimately won the most popular girl;s heart.

Yuka and Sayuri, being Akane's actual friends, were the gods of the Fanclub. Within a matter of minutes, discussion was had, and a decision was made. The two of them needed to figure out just what the hell was up with this new sexy foreigner and what Akane's relationship to her was.

* * *

Volleyball. **Of course** today the girls would be doing volleyball. A sport practically designed to watch sexy girls jump into the air and bounce around.

Because Akane and Shampoo were the two most athletic girls, the they ended up on opposing teams. And, of course, Shampoo really liked spikes. So of course she spent a lot of time in the air. Which meant that any girl on the other team got many good looks up her shirt.  
Needless to say, it was the worst Akane had performed at volleyball for years, and Shampoo's team won.

* * *

Gym class. Ranma liked gym class. He was athletic, fit, and it gave him ample opportunity to show off just how much of both he was. Over there the girls were playing volleyball. Over here the boys were squaring off for table tennis, which meant that most of the time the boys had very little to do but sit around and wait for their turn.

Hiroshi nudged him and nodded across to the girl's side of the room. "It looks like your student is doing really well." The boy smirked knowingly. "And she's playing a mean game of volleyball too."

"That doesn't even make sense," Ranma answered. "Could you stop leering at the girls like that? It's kinda creepy." Not to mention that he was engaged to one of those girls, even if it was a decision he would have never made thank you very much!

"He's right," Daisuke nodded. "We shouldn't stare like creeps. Not at his women."

"They're not my women."

"That's not what you said when up against the Golden Pair..."

Huh? The hell did Hiroshi mean by that remark? Did Ranma say something during that fight? He didn't remember anything. Nah, what was he thinking? He wasn't the kinda guy that would make a comment like that! Especially not about that uncute, violent tomboy.

"You know..." Daisuke said. "I don't get you. I mean, before today you were already in a position most guys at school would give their right arm for. You're living in the same roof as Akane Tendo, and you're engaged to her."

"Yeah," Hiroshi wistfully sighed. "Me and my right arm have had great times together, but... I'd lop it right off for a day of that." The other two boys looked at him with quirked eyebrows while Hiroshi stroked down his right arm as if it were a cat. "Good times, good times..."

"Anyway, my point!" Daisuke said. "Now you've got some other babe who might _actually be even hotter_ than the most wanted chick in school calling you 'master' and doting on you like a personal maid. Meanwhile you're sitting here looking like someone just told you your pet dog is sick. I mean... Most guys would be pretty happy about this situation, right?"

Ranma grunted and rolled his eyes. "In case you've not noticed, I'm not most guys."

If he wanted to check out a cute girl, he just needed a splash of cold water. Not that he was the kinda guy to do that sort of thing anyway! Ugh, this whole conversation made him feel uncomfortable. He really didn't want to think about it, but neither of these two could shut up about how he apparently had his pick of two babes, and -

 _"Nihao, Master!" Shampoo greeted him, wearing nothing but an apron. "Shampoo prepare special dessert, Shampoo hope Master like!"_

 _Ranma nodded and stared at the delight in front of him. Behind that apron he could catch a glimpse of Shampoo's amazing figure peeking out. Her legs were bare and glorious, her shoulders seemed to gleam in the light and the hourglass perfection waiting underneath that frilly cloth was utterly stunning._

 _Then Shampoo pulled the large lid off her dessert... Revealing Akane lying there with her legs crossed, covered in whipped cream sculpted to look just like a gi. His fiance bat her eyes up at him and licked her lips seductively -  
_

Oh no, no no! Akane would never do something like that. Nor did he want her to! Ugh! This whole situation with Shampoo was throwing him off, making him have a daydream like that! Stay calm. Control yourself, Ranma. If those other two even think you had those kinds of thoughts just now, they'd never let you hear the end of -

Was that a flash? Huh? Ranma turned around. There was some skinny kid with a camera lurking towards the corner of the room taking pictures of the girls. Not much longer if Ranma had any say in it. He leaped right behind the kid quiet as a mouse, tapped him on the shoulder and then caught the camera when the boy near jumped out of his skin.

"Hey, don't drop this," Ranma said, juggling the camera between his hands. "Looks expensive."

"It is," the boy gulped. Wow, those were some dark rings under his eyes. This kid ever get some sleep? Nothing about him seemed remotely healthy. "Um... S-sorry! Here are all the pictures I took of your women! Please don't hurt me."

His women. Yeah, whatever pal. Like he wanted some pervs pics of -

Actually, to his surprise the kid had some talent. He didn't know anything about camerawork or any of the jargon, but this guy sure did. In spite of how quickly the girls were jumping around, he managed to capture perfectly Shampoo's smiling face right in the middle of the frame. He flicked through them a bit more. This was a pretty good side shot that really properly emphasised her super hot figure. Heck, he didn't even recognise Akane at first in a couple of these pics!

They really were both pretty. Very pretty, come to it, and their bodies were definitely easier on the eyes than he was giving them credit...

* * *

"Wow, Ranma!" Hiroshi whistled later on. "That might be the worst performance I've ever seen outta you in any sport since you came here."

"... My mind was on other things," Ranma admitted. Oh, boy. This whole thing was gonna get worse before it got better, he could already tell.


	5. Violence for Pretty Much No Reason

_Deep within a dark dungeon, the Pigtailed Girl and Akane Tendo were imprisoned. Heavy steel collars connected to nigh unbreakable chains bound them to the wall. Both were wearing nothing but rags that somehow managed to both look destitute while still emphasizing every point of their figures._

 _Then light entered the room, a shadow cast over the innocent maidens._

 _"M-m-master…" The Pigtailed Girl said, tears in her eyes._

 _"Heh." Ranma Saotome, Enemy of Women, said. Slung over his shoulder was none other than the fair Shampoo! Her clothing torn enough to leave very little to the imagination. "Guess what girls? You got a new member of the Harem!" He threw her down to the floor in front of them._

 _The girls trembled, another innocent girl trapped with this horrid fate! "P-please Master Ranma…" Akane whimpered, ever generous. "Can't you be satisfied with just-" Before she could finish her sentence, she was knocked to the floor by her cruel master's backhand._

 _"Satisfied?" Ranma roared, "Satisfied!? I will never be satisfied my little slave. All women of this world belong to_ _ **me!"**_ _He pulled Akane up by the chin, looking straight into her terrified eyes. "They just don't know it yet."_

 _"Of course Master Ranma. Forgive me for my impudence." Akane said._

 _"Humph. I shall have to punish you later." Ranma dropped Akane, who let out a cry of fear at the thought of more punishment. "But first I need to break in the newest member of the family…" He turned to Shampoo, who had awakened and was backing away with fear. "Don't worry, it'll hurt at first but soon you'll start to love it…"_

 _"I think not!" Suddenly the room was lit! Standing in the doorway was the hero, the one man who could stand up to Ranma Saotome's evil!_

 _"Tatewaki Kunnooooooo!" Ranma howled, "You dare come here!?"_

 _"I do dare indeed!" He drew his sword, "Your wickedness has gone on long enough, Saotome! Today is the day you fall."_

 _ **"Fool!"**_ _Ranma howled, "The likes of you, defeating meeeeeee? Impossible impossible!"_

 _"Nothing is impossible Saotome! For I have the light of righteousness at my side!"_

 _"There is no such thiinnnnnggggggggggg!" Saotome snarled, abandoning all pretense of humanity His eyes glowed red, claws sprouted out, and he charged forward on all fours! Kuno met his charge, the two meeting in one single clash, before landing on opposing sides of each other._

 _The three girls watched in silence, before they gasped as one. For black blood erupted out of Saotome's side!_

 _"What!" He shouted, clutching his wound, "No… this… this_ _ **CANNOT BEEEEEEEE!"**_ _His final words as he crumbled into dust, before being blown away by the wind._

 _"And so righteousness prevails once more." Tatewaki stood up, and with a single slice cut Akane and the Pigtailed girl's chains._

 _"Tatewaki!" All three girls tackled him. Yet he still stood. "Thank you so much!" The Pigtailed Girl said, kissing his chest._

 _"You've saved us from that horrible fate!" Akane said, pressing her breasts against his right arm._

 _Meanwhile, his left was being enveloped with Shampoo's. "I don't know what I can do to repay you!" She said._

 _"We love you Tatewaki!"_

Kuno's eyes snapped open. His meditations complete, he knew what needed to be done. The Kendo Team would have to wait.

It was time to meet his destiny. As well as at least three **really hot** girls.

* * *

School was finally over. With that done, Ranma and Akane wanted nothing more than to get Shampoo home and lay down some ground rules. Hopefully things that would prevent the... incidents... today. Kind of funny how quickly they accepted the idea that Shampoo would blindly obey them huh? While Ranma and Akane walked side by side, Shampoo walked a few steps behind them, head slightly bowed.

This is important because when a voice shouted out, "There you are!" And immediately began running towards Ranma, this gave Shampoo opportunity to stick her leg out and trip the angry looking man running towards her Master. So he fell flat on his face in front of Akane.

"Oh, hello Ryoga!" Akane said happily.

"H-hello Akane…" Ryoga muttered, pulling his face out of the concrete.

"Who this?" Shampoo asked.

"Oh, this is Ryoga. He's a friend of ours." Akane answered.

"Friend!?" Ranma and Ryoga said at once.

Akane rolled her eyes, "You know how boys are." To tell the truth, Shampoo didn't.

"So what're you doing here?" Ranma asked, remembering his promise to himself to punch Ryoga extra hard the next time they fought.

Ryoga snarled, "Why haven't you gotten rid of her yet!" He pointed to Shampoo, "Such an… an expression of perversity! You're engaged to Akane, and let you allow another woman to live under the same roof as you! Unforgivable… unforgivable!"

Ranma wasn't really surprised that Ryoga was pissed about Shampoo, then again Ranma was pretty sure he could save a flaming bus filled with orphans and puppies and Ryoga would find a way to use it as a reason to be pissed at him. "First off, before Shampoo there were **two** women other than Akane I live with."

Ryoga, not realizing that Ranma was talking about Akane's sisters, saw red. "You cassanova!"

Ranma stuck out his tongue. "Plus, aren't you the one who shoved Shampoo onto me Ryoga? This mess is at least halfway yo-" before he could continue this fun argument with Ryoga, he quickly jumped into the air. This way, Ranma expertly avoided the bokken that was suddenly slamming down where he had once been standing. Sure enough, Kuno had entered the scene.

"Saotome!" He snarled.

"Hey Kuno." Ranma said. Now, he could have jumped to avoid the attack in any direction he wanted. But because Ranma is kind of a asshole, he jumped in the direction that lead him to land on top of Ryoga's head, this driving the bandanna clad boy into the concrete again. "What's up?"

"Ranma Saotome!" Kuno shouted, bokken pointed dramatically. "Do not think you can get away this time… first Akane Tendo… then the Pigtailed Girl.. now you enslave this innocent maiden as well!" He pointed to Shampoo. "I know full well what you have done!?"

"E-enslave?" Akane stammered out "Kuno what makes you think…" She trailed off upon remembering that he shared a classroom with Nabiki. Oh yes she was going to have **words** with her sister.

"See! Even Akane Tendo, fair and honest maiden she is, accepts your crimes as truth! Now, fall to the might of Tatewaki Kuno!" He swung his bokken down.

Ranma, of course, jumped out of the way. Free of the weight, Ryoga stood back up. "Ranma!" he shouted in rage. However, nothing came of that rage. For he was hit with the bokken blow meant for Ranma, and so Ryoga was driven into the concrete for the third time that day.

"You can not evade me forever!" Kuno shouted, throwing out dozens of thrusts at Ranma. He dodged each blow with a state beyond ease. Sure, Kuno was fun to piss off, but he had gotten really boring to fight.

Kuno used to be the best fighter in the area, with Akane a close second. When Ranma showed up he became the top dog in the pecking order. Then all the training Akane went though with some of the recent crazy matches she'd gotten involved with had driven her up to new levels, improving her strength, agility, and form quite a bit. And then Shampoo shows up. Now Kuno was, what, a distant fourth? Fifth if you count Ryoga? While everyone else in town was improving and training, Kuno's improvement was somewhere between the realms of Jack and Shit.

"Come on Kuno." Ranma taunted, "Akane gives me better workouts then this." Now, Ranma was obviously talking about martial arts practice. Did Kuno take it that way? Of course not.

"You lecherous swine!" Kuno screamed, somehow getting **faster** from the pure power of his rage.

"The hell?" Ranma said, picking up speed.

"I will not allow one more second of this! I will strike you down!" Kuno shouted, raising his bokken high to bring it down. This time though, Ranma did not dodge. Instead he clapped his hands together, catching the wooden blade in them. He then bent his knees back, and with Kuno still holding onto the bokken because he's an idiot, performed a perfect suplex, slamming Kuno into the ground. Now, one might ask why he had done this? Because if he hadn't the giant sword Shampoo was holding would have cut him in half.

Ranma actually stepped back in fear, gone was the cute girl who seeme so devoted to them. Instead the dangerous hunter who had driven him from China was back.

Most of the impact had hit Kuno's head, so he was largely unharmed. He stood up and immediately noticed the raw killing intent Shampoo was radiating. Being Tatewaki Kuno, he of course got the wrong idea. "Ah, I see Miss Shampoo. You wish to spar with me?" Completely forgetting Ranma was there once a hot chick came into view. "Very well, if you win I shall allow you to date with me."

Ranma's jaw dropped. "Did… I hit him too hard?" **Nobody** could be that stupid.

With a battle cry Shampoo swung her blade down at this impudent fool who dared attack her Master! Kuno managed to barely block it with his bokken. "Your strength and skill with a blade is impressive young lady." Kuno said with a grunt of effort. Proving that, thanks to the fact that he usually ignored the head on his shoulders in favor of the lower one, there was someone that stupid. "But I did not become a Kendo champion for naught! I strike!" he swung his bokken, much slower than he had been when fighting Ranma because of course he was holding back against her because she was a girl. Even Ranma knew better than to hold back against Shampoo if she was trying to kill him.

Shampoo didn't care about that, all she cared about was ending this nuisance, so she parried his pitiful attacks and swung harder. Knocking Kuno back when he was forced to block again. The differences between their training was obvious. Kuno had learned how to use the sword in order to play a sport so he could impress girls. Shampoo, on the other hand, had learned how to use the sword in order to **kill people.**

"Shampoo stop!" Akane shouted, but Shampoo was either far too gone in her battle lust to hear, or in this situation she would only listen to Ranma.

Ranma, on the other hand, was ready for action. Ryoga was still eating dirt, so that left Akane. He turned to her, serious. "I'll stop Shampoo, you stop Kuno."

Akane's eyes widened, before her expression mirrored his. "Right."

Within the next instant, Ranma jumped behind Shampoo. She detected his action, but he was too fast for her to do anything about it. He looped his arms under hers and pulled her against him. "Stop this now!" He shouted into her ear

"M-Master…?" Shampoo said, dropping her sword in shock.

At the same time, Akane grabbed Kuno by the collar of his hakama. Now, unlike Ranma she was not going to attempt to avoid injury. In fact, one might say she relished in the thought of injuring Kuno. So she pulled him down, kneed him in the face, and finally embedded him head first into the wall separating the sidewalk from the nearby canal.

Shampoo saw the serious anger in her master's eyes. What had she done to displease him? Was he going to punish her? Release her to her death, torture? Tears began to form in her eyes.

Because the universe is unfair and perverse, this was the exact moment Ryoga pulled himself up. And the first thing he saw was Ranma restraining a girl with tears in her eyes. "How dare you treat a girl like that Ranma!" Ryoga growled, "You'll pay for that!"

Ranma let Shampoo go once he heard the whimper in her voice. He was ready to turn her around. Then Ryoga shouted, and began to charge at him. Shampoo stepped forward, a low growl in her voice. "Stupid man no attack Master!"

Ryoga, completely caught off guard by the girl he had been trying to defend suddenly attacking him, allowed the uppercut to hit him in the face. This sent Ryoga flying over the wall, landing in the canal.

That's when Ranma grabbed Shampoo by the shoulders and spun her around, "What are you doing!?"

And bam! Back came the tears, both Ranma and Akane insanely felt the urge to hug the crying girl and tell her everything would be OK. But they resisted due to both being in public, and because they really wanted to know.

"S-Shampoo just… just want to do job, protect Master." She admitted tearfully.

"H-hey now… look, I don't need any protecting, OK?" Ranma said.

Akane nodded quickly, "Yeah, you don't need to worry about Ranma."

"These guys?" Ranma gestured towards Kuno, still in the wall, "Couldn't beat me on my worst day, on **their** best day!".

Before anything more could be said, the sad oinking of a little black pig climbing out of the canal caught their attention. "P-chan!" Akane ran over and grabbed the pig, "Poor baby…"

"Shampoo, meet P-chan." Ranma said dryly, "He's lower on the pecking order then you, so feel free to boss him around and smack him if he disobeys."

"Yes Master! Though Shampoo met P-chan yesterday."

P-chan glared at Ranma and Akane slapped him in the back of the head. "Very funny Ranma." Akane turned back to Shampoo, "Shampoo, look, you don't have to attack people unless they attack you first. And even then, they might not be trying to kill you. It might just be a regular challenge, you know?"

"Wait, Shampoo, what happens if another guy beats you?" Ranma asked, suddenly worried about the things that might happen if a guy as perverted as Kuno but with some actually skill suddenly attacked her.

Shampoo shook her head, "Only if man beat both Shampoo and Master can Shampoo belong to another."

Akane let out a sigh of relief about that. "What about if a girl beats you?"

"Shampoo no longer Amazon. No can give Kiss of Death." Well that was no small weight off their minds.

"OK! I think we can go home now." Ranma said, "You got the ground rules set?"

"Yes Master!"

"Good, cause if you break em I'll have to punish you." Ranma said. He was, of course, just trying to instill into Shampoo how important this was. However, the word "punish" brought to mind… things.

Akane's eyes widened and face reddened, "W-what… You'll spank her or something?"

"Spank? The hell…?" Ranma asked, before the same mental image that came to Akane plagued him.

 _"You've been a bad girl Shampoo." Akane, wearing a very short shirt and tube top, said in a sultry voice. "And bad girls need to be punished."_

 _Shampoo was laying on the bed, in nothing but a bra and panties, trembling. "M-Master…"_

 _"Now Shampoo." Ranma said, marching over to her, "You brought this on yourself!" With a single swift motion, he grabbed Shampoo and threw her over her lap. With a tug he pulled down her panties, exposing that perfect, soft, and smooth ass to the world._

 _Akane cupped Shampoo's chin in her left hand, wiping the tears from their slave's face with her right, "Remember Shampoo, this if for your own good."_

 _Ranma brought his hand down, creating a loud and satisfying smack._

"H-hey Shampoo! You still have trouble with reading Japanese?" Ranma asked quickly.

Shampoo nodded, "Took notes in Chinese, but couldn't read textbook."

"We'll help you with that! The three of us!" Akane said just as quickly. Both of them unwittingly thinking the same thing. _Got to get my mind off that!_

"Three of us?" Ranma asked.

"P-chan will help too of course." Akane said seriously.

Ranma just shrugged, "Well every group needs a mascot I guess." P-chan oinked in complaint about being reduced to a mascot, but all ignored him. The three began to head home.

* * *

Consider the plight of Ryoga Hibiki and you, too, might wind up lost. Cursed into the form of a helpless little pig, while the boy he hated more than anyone else in the world complained about becoming a cute girl. That same boy was arranged into an engagement that he also complained about, when the girl was the divine, angelic, adorable and gorgeous Akane Tendo - who treated his pig form as a pet and left him in constant fear that she might discover the truth at any moment.

And now, just when he thought he could not get any lower, someone had decided to throw him a shovel. The little pig was simmering with rage. Ranma! How dare you take this cute girl and force her to be your slave!

"Master, how Shampoo pronounce this word?" the poor, pretty foreign girl asked, thrusting a book into Ranma's face while leaning into him so that his arm was rubbing in between her breasts, separated from them by nothing more than the material making up her dress. How dare he! Right in front of Akane!

"B-Blows," Ranma nervously answered, like the fiend he was. Masking his beastlike lust behind a guise of nervousness, but he didn't fool Ryoga. Not one bit of it! Not when his eyes revealed the truth so nakedly, so transparently! He had half a mind to rush off to find some hot water, but he dare not leave these two maidens alone with such a devil.

"The hot wind blows through the - Mistress, how Shampoo pronounce _this_ word?"

"V-Valley," Akane nervously replied, like the helpful angel she was. What must the poor girl be thinking at a time like this? Ranma must have deceived her with his silver tongue, tricked her into accepting this new situation. It was clear, she was looking at Shampoo with a mixture of pity and... Something else Ryoga couldn't quite work out but he was certain it was pure and noble and not at all because Akane was fighting down the urge to order Shampoo to bend over the table and stay there until instructed otherwise.

"The hot wind blows through the valley," Shampoo said in passable Japanese, although her Chinese accent was still extremely thick. "Shampoo get that right?"

"Try saying, 'Did I get that right?'" Akane suggested.

"Did... I get that right?" Shampoo slowly said, feeling her way around the words. At Akane and Ranma's nodding encouragement, she said it again a little more certainly. "Did I get that right?"

"By George, I think she's got it!" Akane exclaimed, clapping.

"Huh? Who's George?" Ranma asked. The little piglet rolled its eyes. Of course, Ranma was the sort of guy who wouldn't get that obvious Western reference. Not that Shampoo seemed any more enlightened, but she was having enough trouble with Japanese culture so Ryoga could give her a pass. Not Ranma though. Never Ranma.

"Uh, forget about it. The point is, we're on track to teaching Shampoo how to read Japanese!"

"Yes," Shampoo nodded. "Lady Akane and Master Ranma have been so, so helpful to I. I language has improved too too much!"

For a moment there was silence as Shampoo smiled peacefully. Then Akane coughed. "Then again, we may need to have a few more lessons before she properly grasps it..."

"Yeah," Ranma grunted. "A few more lessons. In your room. With all three of us sitting shoulder to shoulder so that I can practically feel every curve of her body. Her warm skin up against mine. Both your faces in profile. Her thigh up against mine. So close I can feel every breath."

Ooh, that was it! Ryoga couldn't take any more of this! His first inclination was to bite the blasted pervert on the ankle, but that didn't seem quite as fulfilling as he would enjoy. Actually he was a little bit surprised that Akane's response to such a blatantly perverted statement was to stare at the wall in front of her with an unblinking gaze and a somewhat strange smile tugging at her lips, but that didn't matter right now! The only thing that did was that he could plainly see a direct, simple way to exact his revenge on Ranma.

Like the best plans, it was simple. Jump onto the desk while Ranma was distracted by the closeness of his new _slave's_ body, bump a certain glass of water and then -

"Gah! Damned pig!" yelled a certain pigtailed girl, who had magically replaced the pigtailed boy. P-Chan chuckled as dawning realisation set in over that cute face. That's right, Ranma. Shampoo had promised to kill your girl form, and now she'd seen you transform right before her very eyes! No escape. No more being called Master by a pretty foreign girl right in front of Akane!

Shampoo rose slowly from her chair while girl form Ranma stumbled backwards away from her.

"I - I can explain!" Ranma protested. She tried rising to her feet, so this time Ryoga did bite her ankles. "Damn stupid pig!"

"P-chan, stop that!" Akane protested. "Wait, Shampoo! Let's not be drastic, we should talk this -"

But there was to be no talking. Shampoo simply grabbed Ranma by the collar, pushed her back against the ground, straddled her waist... And then tongue kissed her so deeply it was a wonder neither of them passed by Ryoga's sudden mood. Ever see a pig's jaw drop? No? Then how about seeing a pig get a pervy nosebleed?

Ranma's shock had given way to something else. Her hand reached behind Shampoo's back, carefully stroking the small of her spine, then tracing up and down her body, delighting in her curves while Shampoo's own hands were on either side of Ranma's head. Keeping it still and steady as though determined to suck the breath from his lungs.

"Buh..." Akane gasped. "Buh?" she asked. "Buh buh buh, buh? Buh!" she whined jealously.

There was a loud plop when Shampoo finally got off Ranma's face. When it happened Ryoga thought the sound had been his heart bursting; fallen onto his side, he went completely unnoticed by anyone else in the room.

"There," Shampoo said. "I remove kiss of death from Master Ranma. Not realise was pigtailed girl, or submit to slavery sooner. Sorry if cause misunderstanding."

"That's okay!" Ranma squeaked, staring intensely at the ceiling. "Ahem! I thought it might be something like that! Shall we get back to studying now, please?"

"Buh!" Akane nodded with great enthusiasm and a lick of her lips. Not that Ryoga saw or heard this, he was too busy wallowing in self pity, jealousy and hatred to pay especially close attention.


	6. An Attempt to Relax

Shampoo spent a couple minutes processing the whole "Master can shapeshift into a girl" thing. It was, after all, a bit of a shock to learn that she had been trying to kill him. She actually felt a little guilty, to her surprise. Shampoo supposed there was the whole silver lining that the village would just think she died somewhere out trying to fulfil the Kiss of Death. Though, in hindsight, Shampoo could see that, at her current skill level, she probably could have never succeeded. Perhaps if she had trained another few years… and Ranma had slowed down in his own improvement… she might have stood a chance.

On the other hand, part of her felt a bit… hurt, for some reason. He had taken her in even after clearly not wanting to. He could have let her regain her honor without inconveniencing himself and his fiancee. But instead he was teaching her to read Japanese! In her eyes, Ranma had become the perfect idealized Master, generous and perfect. Honorable in his victory and respectful of her former pride. The fact that his fiancee was an, admittedly not as skilled as him, fellow Warrior showed he did not hold a lot of the more negative outsider men's views about women. (Shampoo had yet to learn the engagement was arranged). But he had been hiding this big secret from her!

Still, it was her duty to serve him, so she had given her the Kiss of Life (For when a Kiss of Death is given in error). Luckily her Master seems to have accepted it.

Still… it had been five minutes and thus far her Master and Lady Akane had just been sitting there, staring straight ahead, or up in Ranma's case. Akane occasionally said "Buh!"

Closing her textbook, Shampoo sighed and approached them. "Master, Lady Akane?"

"Buh?" Akane said intelligently.

Her hands blurring, she slapped them both in the face a couple dozen times.

"Oh… uh… hey Shampoo." Ranma said upon being sent back to reality, sitting up. "Err… so you're not mad?"

"It Shampoo's fault." Shampoos said with a shrug. "Why Master hide it?"

Akane frowned, "We were, uh, worried about how you'd react."

An awkward silence followed, the most awkward silence Shampoo could remember since that one time Pink and Link showed up at Joketsuzoku with a bunch of plants that tried to molest the men.

Ranma stood up, "Well I'm going to go take a bath now." She began edging out of the room.

Shampoo brightened up, "Want Shampoo to come-"

"No!" Ranma shouted quickly, "No, uh... hot water makes me a guy again."

Shampoo tilted her head to the side, "Ah." So water was the change. "So?" She asked, tilting her head to the side. "If Master need back washed Shampoo there to."

"Oh god no." Ranma muttered, "That's not going to happen. I'm a guy and you're a girl! You can't just jump in the bath with me. Stay here with Akane!" The door to her room was slammed shut, leaving behind the two girls."

* * *

Ranma's plans were, of course, to take a bath. But, as is often the case, his plans were derailed by well meaning yet less than intelligent father figures.

In this case, his potential father in law.

"Son." Soun said, in contrast to her current sex, grabbing Ranma's shoulders. "We need to talk."

"Errr… about what?" Ranma asked.

"That girl!"

"Shampoo?" Ranma blinked, "Uh, what's the problem Mr. Tendo?"

Soun's eye twitched. "The problem is that she is going to ruin your marriage!"

"What marriage?" Ranma asked dryly. This was going to be one of **those** days wasn't it. "Look, I don't see the issue. Eventually Shampoo will… uh… give up on this thing. And Akane's OK with it, so what's the big deal?"

"The big deal son, is that there's only one woman who should be devoted to you, your wife!" Soun said. "I understand you're young, and the hormones are there. And this pretty girl shows up and is nice to you, but that doesn't mean that…"

Ranma didn't exactly hear the rest of Soun's lecture. Because the moment Soun brought up a "wife" being devoted to him, an image slipped into his head.

 _"Welcome home darling~" Akane's voice, coy said as he slipped into the house. She was, in theory wearing the sort of dress you'd see any housewife wear. Except that such modest dresses were usually longer, and didn't show as much cleavage. "So, would you like a meal? A bath?"_

She leaned in close, showing off her breasts in a way that made Ranma ever regret saying that his girl body was in any way better built.

"Or… perhaps… me?"

"Ranma! Are you listening!" Soun slapped the back of Ranma's head, knocking the image out of her head.

"Ow! Damn it Mr. Tendo! What do you expect me to do!" Ranma snapped.

"Get rid of her!"

"In case you didn't notice, that won't work." Ranma said.

Soun grinned, "Why that's why I have a plan Son. You see, all you have to do is send her off on some impossible task and have her not come back until she succeeds. Something like finding a dragon's egg, a phoenix feather, something like that."

Ranma shook her head, "Look… Mr. Tendo. There isn't any problem right now. Hell, it's not like Akane has any trouble with it either. She likes Shampoo! The two of them are hanging out right now."

Yes, hanging out. Who knows what things Shampoo is doing with Akane. Who Ranma sometimes wondered about after one too many weird glances at her current body. Shampoo, who would do anything Akane said. The two girls were in there, alone… with **Ryoga.**

"Oh that pig!" Ranma snarled, turning back and running to Akane's room.

"Wait! Son! Are you going to follow my idea?" Soun shouted.

* * *

A bit before that conversation, Shampoo made an observation.

Akane seemed unusually tense and nervous around her. She supposed it could be from the whole "Kiss of Death" thing, plus probably a bit of old fashioned feminine fear. She had heard horror stories of jealous wives taking their frustrations out on enslaved Amazons. Some to the point where,if they survived, were allowed back into the community.

Not that Shampoo expected anything like that.

Still, it might be best to help Akane relax, and Shampoo thought of a great way to do it. "Lady Akane?"

"Huh?" Akane asked, looking up from her homework.

"Want help from Shampoo?" She asked.

"Uh.. sure." She said, "What're you helping me with…?"

"Help Lady Akane relax." Shampoo answered.

"Oh, that's great." Akane said, "What do you need first?"

"First Lady Akane take off clothes." Shampoo said.

A pause.

A longer pause.

"Uh excuse me what?" The stone statue known as Akane finally said,

"Shampoo's mother doctor. Teach Shampoo many shiatsu and healing techniques. Shampoo give Lady Akane massage."

"Oh. Oh that's all." Akane let out a sigh of relief. "Well, that does sound nice."

Shampoo smiled, "It is. Shampoo very popular after training for massages."

"OK then… I'll, uh, get ready." Akane said, standing up.

Ryoga managed to recover from the sight of Shampoo kissing Ranma. He then saw Akane unbuttoning her blouse and promptly died again.

Off the blouse went, exposing a pale yellow bra that cupped her breasts. Next, came her skirt. It dropped over her thighs, revealing the entirety of her toned legs. Akane stood there a moment, blushing slightly, in nothing but underwear and socks. "Now what?"

"Lie down please." Shampoo asked, "On front."

Akane did so, stretching out on her bed. Shampoo leaned over the slightly shorter girl, undoing the back of her bra. Before Akane could ask, Shampoo explained. "Parts of back covered by bra, Shampoo need to reach."

"R-right." Akane muttered. This was normal. Sure, she was almost naked but that was fine. Shampoo was just giving her a massage. Then Shampoo's hands touched her. They were much cooler compared to her own skin, softly kneading kinks in her back that she hadn't even realized existed. She let out a groan, "That's… that's great." She got out.

Shampoo smiled and continued, pushing several pressure points on her back, which made her relax further, allowing for Shampoo to dig her fingers into those knots, built up from so much athletic work.

"Lady Akane need massages more often. Much work here." Shampoo commented.

"I… ahh… maybe we can have more later…" Akane moaned out, Shampoo's hands began drifting lower. Every part of Akane's body needed to be loosened and treated. "Oh god!" She almost shouted when those cool hands began massaging her thighs.

That cry got Ryoga's heart beating again, he glanced up at Akane, wide eyed. He knew he should look away, but he found he couldn't. Why was this girl groping at Akane? And why was she making those noises and asking the chinese girl to continue. Of course! She must be performing some nefarious Chinese Technique to subvert her to her Master's Will! _I'll save you Akane!_ He jumped, ready for action!

At the same time Akane was enjoying Shampoo's attention. All jealousy over that kiss faded under Shampoo's expert ministrations. She found herself rubbing up against her bed because it felt so **good.** She glanced up at her, face flushed and sweat building up. And Akane didn't know whether to stay as she was or tell Shampoo to kiss her or flip over and have her massage her- _Wait is that P-chan?_ Akane noticed her pig leaping up at Shampoo.

Then her door burst open and Ranma barged in. "Perverted pig!" She grabbed P-chan by the bandanna.

"Ranma!" Akane snapped, how dare he interrupt Shampoo! Just when it was getting good!

"Ah, hello Master." Shampoo said casually.

"Damn it!" Akane stood up, hands on her hips she glared at her now wide eyed fiance. "Can't you knock!?"

"A-A-A-Akane…" Ranma stared, unable to look away. Her bra left lying on the bed. Ranma got a good, long look at her in nothing but panties. Her body lightly flushed. The pink nipples on her perky breasts were erect. To top it off, Ranma could see the faintest bit of dampness on her yellow panties. It was too much, a trickle of blood came out her nose, and both Ranma and P-chan fell flat to the ground, passing out.

Akane stared in confusion at Ranma passing out through no action on her part. That's when she noticed her lack of clothes. "Ahggghhhh!" She screamed, blushing heavily and grabbing a pillow to cover her chest. "Sh-Shampoo! Get him out of here!"

Shampoo shrugged, "OK." She effortlessly picked up the girl and pig, slinging Ranma over her shoulder and picking up P-chan.

 **Of course** Nabiki decided to check in on her sister at this point, "Hey Akane what's-" She stopped and stared at the sight. "Er, never mind Sis, I see you're busy."

"Oh god why." Akane muttered.


	7. Advice Given and Received

Now Shampoo really was confused. Here she was, carrying her master's unconscious girl form out of his... her fiancee's bedroom after he... she fainted for some reason. That reaction did not make sense. In fact, it was bothering her quite a bit. Why had Master Ranma returned to the room before changing back to male form? Why had Master Ranma fainted at the sight of his betrothed unclothed? Why had Lady Akane rudely requested Master Ranma be taken from her room while scrambling to cover herself up?

"Hello, Shampoo," said Lady Akane's eldest sister, in the midst of hanging up clothing. Kasumi. Her name was Kasumi. As yet Shampoo had very little reason to properly interact with the homemaker. The girl was very much the example of the outsider mentality of a woman's place. "Oh my, I do hope you weren't playing too rough with Ranma just now."

Then again, that serene smile could probably calm a hurricane. It served as a potent reminder that there was more than one kind of strength in this world, and it seemed likely Kasumi was as good with her kind as Shampoo was with hers.

"Nihao!" she cheerily replied. "Master Ranma faint in Lady Akane bedroom. Lady Akane ask Shampoo get rid of Master Ranma while she dress."

"Dress?" Kasumi asked, quirking an eyebrow. Oops.

"Yes, Shampoo give Lady Akane much, much needed massage when Master Ranma enter room, then faint." Actually, right now shouldn't that be Mistress Ranma? Or Lady Ranma as well? Oh, never mind that. "Master Ranma strange bird. Too too timid around girls even when become one. Does Master have - Shampoo not know word?"

"A deep-rooted psychological rejection of the feminine in an attempt to distance and protect himself from the ramifications, implications and potential outcomes of his curse, compounded by a regular shift in hormones, body mass proportions and societal expectations."

Shampoo stared at the taller girl and nodded. That smile seemed somehow even more serene than it had before, which should have been impossible. Funny. For some reason her danger sense was tingling, but it wasn't telling her where the threat was coming from. Kasumi slid in closer to Shampoo. Not in a threatening way. Sort of like a teacher would to a student. Then her hand fell upon Shampoo's shoulder, feather light, yet it also felt like a weight was being lifted off her.

"The point is, Ranma has been through quite a lot," Kasumi sighed. "I fear that he might be quite stressed out, but trying to tough his way through it. He is rather keen to hold onto his masculinity, you understand."

That did make a strange sort of sense. Most men transforming into a pretty girl as cute as this would find it extremely awkward and uncomfortable. That might explain his behaviour around her, as he did seem rather anxious for no good reason.

Kasumi continued, tapping her chin. "In fact, I expect that he probably fainted because - Oh my, never mind. Forget I said anything."

Then she went right back to nonchalantly hanging up clothes as though she really hadn't said anything at all. Shampoo blinked. Stared through the girl. Felt a frown settling on her brow.

"Why Master faint?" she asked, quite insistently.

"Oh no, I couldn't possibly say that," Kasumi whispered. "It would be so embarrassing for him."

Embarrassing? If there was an embarrassing secret about her Master, Shampoo was duty bound to discover it and prevent anyone else from finding out! "Tell Shampoo, Shampoo not tell anyone she know."

"But saying it aloud would humiliate him."

"That why Shampoo have to know! Shampoo insist!"

Kasumi relented at last. Her shoulders sagged, but then she straightened her posture completely, spun around in place and rested her cheek on her hand, while the other produced a microphone out of thin air. Her voice was like a melody as she said: **"Ranma Saotome is sexually repressed!"**

On her shoulder, Shampoo felt Master Ranma's body twitch and heard the pigtailed gurgle _"Nooo..."_

Now Kasumi flipped her hair, tossed the microphone from one hand to another, then put her newly freed hand across her eyes and forehead as if in shame. "He fainted because he could not handle the erotic sight of your hands on my little sister, the one he loves yet cannot bring himself to touch."

 _"Who'd want to touch that uncute tomboy?"_ Master Ranma unconsciously began to squirm in Shampoo's grip, forcing her to tighten it up a little bit.

For the final step of her explanation Kasumi tucked the microphone into the collar of her dress, then clasped her hands across her cheeks as though wailing in dismay. "If this continues much longer it could be very bad for his mental health! Not to mention the happiness of their marriage!"

The microphone vanished, Kasumi stuck her hands on her hips, and leaned over to look Shampoo right in the eye. "Please keep that quiet. It would be awful for poor Ranma if that sort of thing were let out."

"Shampoo understand! If only there was something Shampoo could do. Master not likely to let Shampoo help..."

"People generally don't know what's best for them," Kasumi observed. "Why, if little kids had their way they'd eat nothing but chocolate. Right? Sometimes if you love someone, you have to take matters into your own hands. Therefore, we should do everything we can to help those two come together any way that we can."

Right! That all made perfect sense to Shampoo. What she needed to do, Master Ranma would not allow her to do normally. Therefore! In the name of his mental health she would have no choice but to... Yes, that seemed right. She'd give him a massage! By hook or by crook, she'd massage all of the tension out of him and help him overcome his psychological burden!

And while Shampoo skipped off with Ranma in tow, looking for a private place to enact this therapy, she completely missed Kasumi watching after them and slightly licking her lips.

* * *

Really now. She should control herself better than that. Oh dear. Oh my! What a naughty thing she had just done. Sending Shampoo off to seduce Ranma like that... But she was also quite honest at the same time. Ranma was probably very wound up and in need of release.

Which just made her squirm in delight a little bit more.

It was a bit of an odd fetish to have, but there you go. Kasumi got off on helping people. Feeding her family, keeping the house clean. That wasn't a hobby or a lifestyle. It was, to her, the same as spanking was for other people or talking dirty in bed. She was normally much better at keeping it under control than this but then -

But then the Saotomes arrived, and that poor, poor boy with that dumb, dumb father. It had awakened something inside of her. It was like one of those old adventure movies where two characters hold onto different halves of a pendant which acts as a key to some major plot point. Kasumi had seen one all of her life, and now along comes the other half to make it complete.

Don't misunderstand. She didn't want him for herself per se: She wanted him for Akane. The idea just worked for her. The two of them fit together _perfectly_. They were both abrasive, proud martial artists who had peculiar problems regarding the opposite sex. It simply worked. Some people might call it shipping, but Kasumi went further than any mere shipper.

She yearned for it. She hungered for it. When it looked like the two of them were going to kiss just before that Golden Pair battle it had set her teeth on edge. It made her feel _good_. All this time the eldest and most innocent seeming Tendo sister had been looking for a way to set her ship sailing. Then along comes Shampoo and the wind picks up! An attractive girl that both of them were drawn towards. Bound into service to both. It was the perfect catalyst to set things in motion.

And now she'd planted the seed in the slave's head: Help Ranma and Akane get over their insecurities. If anyone could pull that off it would surely be someone in her position.

She could almost, but not quite imagine it. The three of them together in a large, luxurious, heart-shaped bed. Shampoo is wearing lingerie made entirely of grapes that she pulls off one at a time and then pops into her mouth. Feeding one to Ranma, then another to Akane mouth to mouth while the two of them engage in steamy intercourse... The details of which escaped her as it was difficult to imagine who would prefer being on top, but still, the general image was there! All it would take was a little nudging and a little help from a certain "slave", and then...

"Ah?" Kasumi innocently said. "These shorts are Akane's and they seem to be dry already. Well then. No point leaving them here. I shall go upstairs to talk with my little sister. She is probably also a little bit stressed regarding this sudden further change in circumstance."

And maybe while she was up there, she could teach Akane how to set about seducing her man.

* * *

A quick knock on the door, before it was opened and Kasumi stepped in.

Akane was currently laying face down on her bed, waiting to finally die of embarrassment. She looked up briefly to see her oldest sister, before collapsing back into her pillow with a groan.

"Are you OK Akane?" No answer, so Kasumi sat down next to her little sister on the bed. "I heard something a bit embarrassing happened, do you want to talk about it?"

A sigh into her pillow, and Akane flipped herself around. "It's stupid. Ranma barged in her and saw me naked, **again."**

"You seem a lot less upset about it this time.": Kasumi observed.

Akane glared at her older sister, "Please don't imply that I'm getting used to it."

Kasumi just laughed quietly. A moment passed, and she continued. "So why did Ranma run in anyways?" She asked.

Akane scowled, "P-chan. He came in and grabbed P-chan. I don't get it!"

Oh yes, she can work with this. Kasumi smiled. Akane didn't notice just how dangerous that smile was. "It is kind of silly how Ranma gets so jealous of a pig, doesn't it?"

"I know!" Akane threw up her hands in exasperation, "He get so dumb about P-chan."

"I wonder what it is that makes him so jealous? You have any idea Akane?"

Akane frowned, "Um, what do you mean? He's just being a jerk, right?"

"I don't think so Akane, I think Ranma is a rather possessive person. I imagine his father never let him have much, so what he does have he guards jealously."

Akane's expression turned incredulous. "So what, he's afraid of **P-chan** , a dumb little **animal,** taking me away from him."

"Well, not you, per se…" Kasumi said, "Think about how you treat P-chan."

Akane shook her head, "How I treat him? I treat him like a pet!"

"Yes. And that involves holding him, feeding him, hugging him, you've even kissed P-chan." Kasumi held up a finger, "What Ranma is jealous of P-chan taking away is your affection."

"My.. affection…? But… but…" Akane trailed off, face reddening.

"Now, you two are engaged," Kasumi held up her hand to silence Akane's protests, "I know it was arranged, but the two of you have shown attraction to each other. I do recall you two almost kissed recently."

"Yeah and you almost caught it on camera…"

Kasumi ignored the sarcasm, "My point is that no matter what the circumstances of how you two met, Ranma clearly is interested in you. But then he sees you showing all this love to something else, and he gets upset that none of that love is being given to him. So he takes it out on the poor animal."

"That's stupid…"

"Emotions aren't ever really rational Akane. I'm positive Ranma doesn't even realize himself why he doesn't like P-chan so much!" Kasumi added, "It's all subconsciously done."

Poor Akane now looked lost from the bombshells Kasumi had dropped, "So… what should I do?"

"Well, that depends, if you want to actually try and make the engagement work out, then I suggest you start showing some affection to Ranma. I'm sure if you do that, then he'll stop being so jealous of poor little P-chan." Kasumi said, "If you're not interested then I'm sure Ranma will eventually move on."

"I…" Kasumi didn't miss the brief flash of fear that crossed Akane's face when she suggested Ranma might move on. "I'll try Kasumi."

Kasumi smiled brightly, "Thank you Akane. Now, I've got to go get dinner ready." She stood up and left her little sisters room.

"Oh that worked perfectly…" Kasumi couldn't have arranged that more perfectly. "I'm sure soon I'll have to start looking for birth control…"

After all, Kasumi knew Akane very well. Akane was not a girl to do much things in moderation. When she set on a course of action she plunged straight ahead! It would not take much for "show Ranma affection" to twist into "seduce Ranma, right here, right now" in Akane's mind.

Yes, her dream of happiness for her little sister would soon be coming true!

* * *

"Saotome."

Genma looked up from his book, "Yes Tendo?"

Soun placed his hands on his old friend's shoulders. "We need to figure out how to get that girl away from your son."

"Who? Shampoo?" Genma snorted back a laugh, "I don't know about you Tendo, but the fact that she's not trying to kill him is good enough for me. She's scarily persistent." Plus, having a second cute girl like that so devoted to him would make Ranma look better in the event his wife ever found him.

"Don't be so casual! Who knows what might happen if your son gives in to the… temptation… she offers. If Akane ever finds out that it's! The engagement's ruined!"

This did give Genma pause, "Well, I suppose I could talk to the boy later about keeping it in his pants." At Soun's concerned look he continue, "And if he doesn't listen we can figure out how to get her out, OK Tendo?"

Soun let go of Genma, "Fine… talk to the boy. But I'm not giving up yet."

* * *

Up in Ranma's room, Shampoo deposited her fainted Master (muttering about _"Tomboys"_ and how _"I ain't repressed"_ ) on his futon. Now then, to follow Kasumi's advice and help her relax!

The question was then, which form to massage him/her in?

Doing his default male form would probably be what he wanted if she asked. On the other hand, helping her relax in her female form would help her adjust to this change. Shampoo had inferred that her Master had not had this change for long. Since she knew hot water would change Ranma, it would be easy enough to do either way.


	8. A Massage no Boy Could Forgot

Man oh man, but he was feeling relaxed right about now. The first things Ranma noticed on waking up were the nice and comfy something or other beneath him and the warm, fluffed-up pillow under his head. He was lying face down for some reason, with his arms down by his sides. Kind of strange, but not nearly as strange as the dreams he'd been having about being eaten alive by a giant, uncute -

"Nihao, Master! Have nice nap?"

Ranma tried to sit up, but felt a gentle pressure on the small of his back push him back down to the ground. He blinked as his eyes readjusted to light and slowly took in exactly where he was. The guest room where he and Pops were staying. There was a mat of some sort under him and, yes, that was definitely a pillow. Not his usual one. Now, in light of that and his comfort level being quite high at the moment one might think he would retain that relaxed composure from when he was awakening. In which case, dear reader, you have not long observed the life of Ranma Saotome.

Point one of deep concern: His clothes were over in the corner, neatly folded up. A little concentration on his sense of touch revealed that there was a high probability the only covering on his body at all was a small towel draped over his butt. This was embarrassing.

Point two of deep concern: He couldn't quite get his legs to cooperate with him. The most he could do was wiggle his toes. This was quite alarming.

Point three of deep concern: There was a mirror directly in front of him. In that mirror he could see Shampoo. What he could not see was Shampoo's clothing. It was like a perverted magic act. "Hello, my dear volunteer. Now watch as I transform your clothing into a thin layer of oil."

Ranma gulped. That last point was both peculiarly arousing and, to someone like Ranma, setting off the loudest alarm bells in his head. Shampoo was smearing some kind of oil right in the valley of her breasts. All he could do was try to focus on something else, like the serene and warm smile she was flashing down at him.

On reflection describing anything Shampoo was doing as 'flashing' was perhaps a little unwise at the moment. Under the circumstances. In this context. She lifted her hands behind her head and thrust out her chest, and in so doing completely defeated Ranma's desperate attempt to distract himself with synonyms.

"Master too too stressed," Shampoo said as if that explained any aspect of this. "Shampoo help Master relax. Is good massage, too too good!"

 _Too too good_ was exactly what he was afraid of. "Ahhh, now!" Ranma protested. "There's no need for this."

She ignored his protests and eased her oil-covered hands onto his shoulders. Just the fingertips, but it was enough to make his lips quiver from a restrained moan. Guys don't moan in pleasure! "H-hey! Who is the master here again?"

"You is," Shampoo confirmed. "But Master is so stressed he faint at sight of fiancee's naked body." She leaned over him. Her nipples just barely touched his back. The sound he made was not a whimper of anticipation, he was stronger than that! "So Shampoo help Master relax. Is for Master's own good!"

Guh! Now that didn't fit at all! So far Shampoo had been throwing herself into every single order he'd even implied with the same enthusiasm as a dog chasing a stick. So he tried again. "Sh-Shampoo! Stop! Right now!"

Yet her hands persisted. Dancing across his back. He could barely bear to take his eyes off her bare body. She was doing things to his back muscles he didn't know could be done in the first place. In spite of himself and his deep, justified concerns over the consequence of this massage, Ranma really could feel his entire body relaxing against his will!

Then, mercifully, she stopped. Thank goodness, and nobody had even walked in on them or anything! Now maybe she could undo whatever shiatsu thing she'd done to his legs, let him get dressed and explain what the hell she was trying to do -

"Shampoo have idea of stress points now," the naked oily girl nodded. "Now can massage!"

"Huh?" Ranma asked. "What do you mean 'now can massaaaah!"

She was standing on his back. Ranma went stock still. It was a purely defensive measure. Because men do not whimper in pleasure. They do not groan in delight. Nor do gentlemen leer uncontrollably at the sight of a stunningly beautiful, naked and oily girl performing a simultaneous back massage and erotic dance, but he was damned if he dared look away for even an instant!

Shampoo started slowly, as most good dancers do. While it may be simple just to jump into a rhythm, she wanted to make sure the massage was as perfect as possible. That meant taking her time and making sure she followed proper protocol. Which was very easy to do, as there didn't exist a rulebook for her odd fusion of massage and dance. It began with dainty steps on her tiptoes, leading from Ranma's tailbone up towards the bottom of his neck. A bit of the oil she'd spread across her chest dripped off of her erect nipples and landed on Ranma's back below her, but she kept her footing easily. She could have been standing on nothing more than the tip of an unsharpened pencil and still had perfect balance.

Ranma couldn't describe the noises that came out of his mouth as Shampoo's feet touched more of his back, as she added more points of pressure to the dance. While she slowly moved her legs so everything from toe to heel was pressing down on Ranma, her body was undulating wildly in an erotic display that kept Ranma's attention focused on the mirror. Her body seemed as flexible as a snake, especially with the way her waist moved from side to side. She had incredible control over every part of her body, it seemed. Even the way her breasts moved up and down and all around had a level of control to them that created the illusion that every motion had been well practised.

Then she began to bend, dipping her backside down until it pressed against the small of his back. Ranma shuddered and a bit of drool leaked out of his mouth as she moved her rear forward, pressing those wonderful butt cheeks against him and lifting it up again. Shampoo repeated the process, holding up her breasts as she did so that they didn't slap his head when she bent down. But at this point he wasn't sure if such a thing would be all that terrible. Clearly she wanted to save that for later. After a few repetitions of her twerking and butt-bouncing, Shampoo started rubbing her hands into specific spots on Ranma's body. They barely ever lasted for a few seconds, but with the Chinese woman's strength and incredible knowledge of Ranma's more stressed spots, each touch allowed her to fix a point of tension he didn't even know he had. There were small sounds of cracking as she poked at spots around his spine and shoulders, letting out years of stress from dealing with his father.

Shampoo did a few twirls on his back, letting her gorgeous purple hair flow around as she moved her feet back towards his toned backside, which she gave a few delicate squeezes to before running her hands up his sides and lying down across him. With the weight of her full back against his, she lifted her feet in the air, stretching them over, higher and higher, until they touched the back of his head and she was able to lock her own ankles behind her neck. This only lasted for a second as she flipped around, so she had her breasts pushed into his body. That softness, that oily goodness, made Ranma feel like he'd pass out in an instant, but somehow he stayed conscious.

From then on, it was hard for Ranma to describe exactly what Shampoo was doing. As she picked up the intensity of the massage, he began to black out here and there. One second, Shampoo would be on one foot, with her other raised high in the air as she bent forward and rubbed her tits into his body, using her nipples to strike two points at the same time. The next, she'd be balanced on her forearms, sliding her boobs in circles as her butt wiggled around. Then, before he knew it, Shampoo had spun around and was sitting on him and using muscle control in her butt to clench her cheeks and apply alternating points of pressure to his shoulder blades, making his arms go limp. But no matter how limp certain parts of his body got, as Shampoo kept up her erotic dance and kept applying oil to her body at regular intervals, one part of Ranma's body stayed firm.

"Is good," Shampoo said, not that Ranma was especially paying attention. "Soon, Master Ranma and Lady Akane have lots and lots of babies together! Shampoo see to that!"

* * *

Meanwhile, a certain girl with tendencies some might describe as tomboyish was pacing back and forth in her room mulling over what her sister had said. She was right. Of course. Kasumi was always right. She was so smart and kind, always looking out for Akane's best interests.

So! First thing then. If she was going to 'show Ranma more affection' that meant she had to smile more for him. That was the first step, right? A warm and friendly smile to help set the tone. Then a little more physical contact. Holding hands. Hugs. Kisses. Maybe some spanking, foreplay and -

She reeled a little. Ooh boy, too much too quickly. Not ready for that sort of thing. It was fun to fantasise about things like tackling Ranma to the ground and doing... stuff. It was quite another actually trying to go about doing that sort of thing! There was only one solution.

"Tsundere mode, activate!" Akane rolled her shoulders and scowled. "I'm not doing this because I like him or anything. I'm just - I'm just helping him deal with Shampoo!" Yeah, that's the ticket. She was - She was doing Ranma a favour. By playing along. By pretending that she was the kind of girl that would - That would put up with a babe like Shampoo doing absolutely anything Ranma asked for.

And that's why Akane stomped out of her room with great affection in her heart. A strange manner to walk for one set on being more affectionate to her man? Well, like Kasumi had calculated this was not a girl to do things by half measures. If you were to film Akane and slow it down, you would see that she was actually skipping. Intensely and quickly, but skipping.

She soon arrived at the guest rooms. Right. Shampoo probably took Ranma here. In her head Akane ran through how this would probably go. Knowing Ranma's luck she was probably going to walk in there and Ranma was sleeping with his head in her lap, or she was in the middle of changing his clothes and it would all look very suggestive and she'd get upset and yell at him for making a pass at that hot, sexy, smoking hot curvy beautiful warrior who was honour bound to be his slave for life.

Actually, put in those terms it was kind of impressive that he hadn't made a pass at her yet.

"No, no!" Akane slapped herself. "Don't lose the tsundere, use the tsundere. You're not going to get upset at Shampoo, you're going to use her as motivation!"

Right. Deep breath. Then Akane threw open the door to the room with her eyes closed, ready for anything. She felt like if she opened her eyes right now and saw a flaming ball of death dropping out of the sky towards the house she could affection it back into orbit!

"Ranma, we need to talk... About..."

The sentence didn't stand a chance. It was dead on arrival. No words could end it. How on earth could any ending exist in light of what Akane was watching right now? Akane stepped into the room, closed the door, then raised a finger as if to ask a question. Oddly, none came to mind.

"Nihao, Lady Akane!" oiled up dancing Shampoo cheered, not missing a beat and running her other hand down her side. "We pick up massage after Shampoo finish with Master!"

"Akane," Ranma moaned. "This isn't what it looks like!"

"I'm not even mad," Akane found herself saying aloud. For the second time today all she could do was stare in abject horny disbelief. If she was going to seduce Ranma away from his slave, then she really did have her work cut out for her. But Akane Tendo never backed down from a challenge. She was much too proud for that!

* * *

Akane Tendo had many admirers. Most of them were, ultimately, unremarkable. The horde of boys who had once attacked her each morning were only the loudest group of them.

There were several who were quieter, less notable. Hikaru Gosunkugi was one of these people. He had been in love with Akane since she first came into his life. But he lacked the ability to catch her eye. This was mostly because it was notoriously hard for Gosunkugi to catch **anybody's** eye. He was rather unnoticeable. His own parents sometimes forgot who he was.

"Damn you Saotome!" He shouted, hammering a straw doll into a tree. Desperately trying to curse him or do something to turn Akane Tendo against him! Yet it didn't work, nothing worked. "And she's not enough, that new woman too!?"

How did he do it!? How did he attract Akane Tendo and then blatantly bring on a second woman to have on the side!? Why was she putting up with that!?

But, alas, there was nothing he could do. Hikaru Gosunkugi was a lone, weak, pathetic little boy. He alone could do-

Alone?

A smile came to his face. It was a longshot. But what if... what if he could no longer be alone? Surely even Saotome could not fight off hundreds!?

All he had to do was find some like-minded people, and Akane would be free of that Casanova!

* * *

There was a sort of silence in the room that had moved beyond the realm of "awkward" and into a sort of metaphorical wall of social freezing that would take a demolition team to bust down.

Akane wasn't mad, like she said. No, all she knew is that something was going to break, and soon.

Ever since Shampooo… no… ever since Ranma had shown up her life had been thrown into disarray. It used to be simple. She'd train, fight off the idiot boys, and not have to worry about complicated things like sex.

But then Ranma showed up, being stupidly attractive and while also being so irritating at times. Then this whole mess with Shampoo starts up, the Chinese girl being temptation incarnate.

Being naked, covered in a thin layer of oil was a level beyond "temptation." It was more like resignation to the fact that you are about to commit a sin. And damn it, you were going to enjoy it.

"Er… Shampoo... ?" Ranma finally said, "Uh… can we-"

Shampoo, on the other hand, had an idea. Since she needed Master Ranma to get over his awful, awful sexual repression, she smiled brightly at Akane, and made an offer. "Want to help Shampoo?"

"W-what?!" Ranma sputtered out, "Come on Shampoo! This is crazy enough as it is, no way in hell Akane would join in!"

For some reason, that annoyed Akane. "Oh? Why wouldn't I?" She asked, folding her arms. "It's just a massage, right Ranma?"

"J-just a massage?!" Ranma sputtered out. "I'm naked!"

"Nothing I haven't seen before." Akane said, brushing a lock of hair back.

"No-no way you'd do this!" Ranma snapped, "I mean, Shampoo's naked too! You can't do that!" With those words, Ranma made the fatal mistake of telling Akane she "can't" do something.

"Oh really? You pass out just from the sight of my breasts!" Akane said, a part of her inside nodding in approval. Tsundere Mode, a terrifying thing. "Well, what should I do Shampoo?"

Shampoo grinned. "How Lady Akane want to do this." She placed her hands on Akane's shoulders, "Want to just use hands, or learn how to use body?"

Ranma, being an idiot, sputtered "Why would I want her body touching me!"

Akane's eyes narrowed as the challenge was delivered. "Body."

"Good!" Shampoo said, "Shampoo know Lady Akane beginner so have this." She pulled out a bikini, "Wear this."

Akane blinked. "Why do you have one of my swimsuits and where… nevermind." She saw that Ranma was determinedly not looking her way and sighed. "Well, whatever. I guess you don't want to see this huh? That's fine by me! I'm not doing this for you!" She pulled off her closing, noticing how Shampoo kept looking at her while Ranma pointedly looked away, twitching. She neatly folded her clothes and set them aside. Pulling up the blue bottom over her smooth thighs, fastening the matching top over her perky breasts. She smiled, feeling a bit sexier just from putting them on. "Well Ranma, what do you think?" She cooed.

"I don't think anything!" Ranma protested.

"Well that was obvious." Akane huffed, "So, Shampoo, what should I do?"

"Come here." Shampoo said, and soon the mirror in front of Ranma had two women, wearing very little in the view of the mirror.

Wincing, Ranma closed his eyes in desperation only to find them opening again a moment later.

"Shampoo use Blink Blink Pressure point on Master, no can close eyes longer than second for next hour. For own good." Shampoo said seriously. "Now, come close Lady Akane."

The two leaned over Ranma, who was breathing heavily.

"See these points? They stressed." Shampoo said, "Push them like this and they get better." They were two points on opposing sides of his back, "Now they link to central stress point. Use body to push like so." Slowly, painfully in Ranma's opinion, she pushed both her fingers and breasts against Ranma's back. Rubbing them and producing a loud moan. Tension forced from his body. "Now Lady Akane try." She pulled away.

Akane, stunned by the erotic sight, almost forgot that she was supposed to be a participant in this. "Ri-right." She followed Shampoo's example, pushing her fingers into that spot, and after a moment of quivering, pushed her breasts against her fiance's back.

Ranma, if anything, made an even louder sound. Sure, she was much rougher than Shampoo. Her fingers dug into the point enough to hurt a little, band while Shampoo's breasts had danced along his back Akane's were almost digging in themselves. But somehow that unpracticed enthusiasm was in some ways more pleasureable than Shampoo's perfect form.

Shampoo didn't bother to say anything for the moment, with that dangerous smile on her face she continued to point out spots for Akane to massage, and she gleefully obeyed, each gasp from Ranma music to her ears. Finally, she felt it was time for the final stage. "Please stand up Lady Akane."

Akane, her mind now hazed with glee over the power she had over her fiance, obeyed. Yes this was perfect, soon her Master would be having many cute babies with her Mistress and Shampoo would be there to take care of them and help train them into strong fighters!

Akane's body was slick with oil rubbed off from Ranma, but it wasn't enough in Shampoo's opinion. She uncorked a bottle of oil, pouring it over Akane's chest. "This good no?"

Akane nodded, and Shampoo reached out her hands, rubbing the oil between the valley and under the bikini. Ranma let out a loud noise at this, and Akane shuddered. "Now then… Master need front massaged, no?"

This almost brought Ranma back to reality, "W-what… no. no. I don't need that."

Akane, on the other hand, just nodded with a vague smile on her face. "Yes… that sounds good Shampoo." With a kick she rolled the limp Ranma over. "Oh.. oh my." The little towel had covered his butt, but not his front. So that part of him jutted up, exposed to the world.

"Oh no." Shampoo said in mock shock, "Master very stressed, want to help fix it Lady Akane?"

Akane froze, realizing the step Shampoo wanted her to take. Realizing exactly how she would be getting rid of Ranma's "stress." Her breathing became shallow, and she looked over to Ranma. His gaze was focused straight up at them both… a bit of **drool** on his face. Yet… was she really ready to take that step? Finally, she shook her head. "Well,. He definitely looks stressed Shampoo." She cupped her breasts in her hands, "Still, we've been just using our chests and hands to help, no? I think we could continue with that."

Shampoo frowned, before nodding, "If you think that best."

Suddenly, an image came into Akane's mind, and image she wanted to see. "Well then… I think I"ll take this half and you can take that half." Without another word she kneeled down over Ranma's chest, pressing herself against it and massaging his hard, chest. His lower body obviously twitching.

Shampoo understood, Lady Akane wasn't ready _for now._ But she wanted Shampoo to do her duty. She knelt down, cupped her breasts between her hands, and slowly enveloped Ranma's twitching cock betwen them.

"Graahhh!" Ranma shouted, unable to hold back any sound from the insane sensations of two _sexy as hell_ girls rubbing themselves on him.

"You like that Ranma?" Akane shouted in victory, practically humping him, her chest swallowing up his. "Like having your fiancee and your **slave** massaging you like this?"

"Y-yes dammnit, you insane tomboy!" Ranma got out, unable to see the incredible sight of his tip poking out from Shampoo's tits, only to be buried back in.

"It's your fault you know." Akane said, gesturing Shampoo to pick up to the pace, "Sending her over to me. Giving me **ideas.** Making me want to see her like this, see you like this."

Shampoo was now enthusiastically using her breasts, she had to admit this was kind of fun. Ranma's hips bouncing up to match her motion. His body tensing up, release will be coming soon.

"Just remember, Ranma." Akane said, speeding up herself. "I won't allow you do anything to her without my say so, OK?"

"Finnnnneeeeee!" Ranma agreed, unable to hold it any longer. White sticky sperm covered Shampoo's face and tits.

She licked her lips, almost on instinct, and Akane nodded in approval. "Just remember Ranma, I didn't do this for you. I'm helping Shampoo… and myself."

Ranma somehow had the strength to roll his eyes. "Yeah yeah whatever." He muttered.

"Shampoo have towels for cleaning up." She said.

Ranma got a good look at her, now that Akane had gotten off him. A nasty thought came to him. "Wipe us off first, once we're clean then you can take care of yourself."

Shampoo bowed, "Yes Master."


	9. An Artful and Cunning Investigation

A morning routine is a really good way to establish the course of your day. It sets the tone for everything else. Puts you in the right mood and frame of mind after waking up. For Soun Tendo, it was simple enough. He would arise, bathe, dress and sit at the table to appreciate the morning view of his garden while awaiting breakfast. The only interruption in the interim would be checking the mail. Quiet contemplation to ease his mind into the new day.

For Kasumi, his eldest, she would start out her day primarily by creating that breakfast for the others to enjoy. She enjoyed cooking and had done so ever since she became sufficiently skilled at it. It was quiet and would set her body into the automatic action that she would undertake for most of the rest of the day. It would also serve as a nice reminder, did they need to pick up any more food?

Nabiki would arise from her bed like a hungover sloth, internally promising herself that if she ever met the anthropomorphization of the morning she would surely find a way to blackmail him/her into bankruptcy. She would then reluctantly place her jar full of coins back into its hiding spot under her bed, as she had been hugging it all night like some might cuddle a teddy bear, peel her eyes open and then set about planning to make everyone else as miserable as she was right at that very moment.

Genma Saotome would wake up by tossing his son out of the window and going from there. He wasn't a big forward planner.

Then there was Akane, whose morning routine had recently undergone something of a change. She used to wake herself up and get her muscles ready by going for a quick jog around the block. She still did that. However, before that she had recently added a whole new step that went first.

These days she would start off by having a nuclear hot lavender-haired Chinese girl sitting in her lap, with their lips pressed firmly together. She savoured those soft lips with her tongue, and not just the tip either. She was taking deliberate care to stroke and caress them with every inch she could manage, while also struggling for dominance over Shampoo's tongue in a bizarre wrestling match focused on but a single muscle each.

Shampoo's hands rested gently on Akane's shoulders, while Akane's were uncertain where they wanted to be, what they should be touching. Legs? Back? Butt? The back of her head? They were all good options, but she was so indecisive about it that she couldn't help but have both of her hands work a slow and steady trail.

Then in a truly agonising moment, their lips parted. Shampoo smiled down at her. Akane smiled back. "There!" Shampoo nodded. "Akane now much better kisser. Master be too too satisfied with Lady Akane's affection now."

"Sure..." Akane mumbled dreamily. "But I could probably do with a little more training."

"Of course, Lady Akane!" Shampoo chirped happily. The slave then rose to her feet and smoothed down her dress while Akane's gaze lingered lovingly on her body. There wasn't a single solitary inch of her that Akane didn't adore watching in motion, so she took the chance to do so as Shampoo walked out of the room before sighing wistfully, putting on her jogging gear and then resuming her more usual routine.

Meanwhile, Shampoo had her own morning routine now and it was time for the next part. She strolled through the house with a light spring in her step, and passed by the garden just in time to see her Master and his too, too dumb father sparring in the air above them. As a former warrior she could certainly appreciate the athletic competition, and could see that there were quite a few strengths to her Master's fighting style. It seemed to focus on outmaneuvering the opponent rather than overpowering them. Speed over strength. Quite novel, and very attractive. Were he not engaged and she not his slave, she might have even considered him a worthwhile husband.

Unfortunately on this particular day it seemed that the idiot father's skill in martial arts was a little bit better than Master's. There was a loud splash, and then the sound of a too, too cute pigtailed girl stomping off inside the house while Shampoo meekly followed closely behind.

"Ugh, stupid of me," girl form Ranma grumbled in a most unfeminine manner. "I oughta have blocked that! Why didn't I see it coming?"

"Dumb old panda is smart in only one way," Shampoo said. "Martial arts only good thing he know to do. He use attack to create blind spot, strike from there. Too, too clever and subtle. Easy to describe in theory, hard to spot in practise."

The two cute girls had gone off towards the bathroom together. Shampoo skipped ahead and slid open the door, then bowed as Ranma passed her by. Once she was inside, Shampoo followed, flipped the sign and closed the door. Once the pair were alone Shampoo removed Ranma's clothing one piece at a time. Not that she was wearing too much to begin with. After all, Ranma tended to sleep in just a tanktop and boxers.

"You don't need to do this, you know," Ranma sighed, but made no physical effort to stop her. After the massage incident a few weeks ago it seemed kind of silly to protest something like this.

"Shampoo want to please Master," she said. "And also help Master get used to touch of a woman. That way, able to please Lady Akane even more!"

For his - or her - part, Ranma shuddered and let her get on with it. Shampoo slid her hands across Ranma's stomach and peeled the wet article of clothing away from her skin, then smoothed her soft but powerful hand underneath, pulling her own body close to Ranma's back before tugging it up, and simultaneously caressing Ranma's body. When the hemline reached her breasts Shampoo shifted her grip, but didn't seem to notice that this new grip made her thumbs rub over Ranma's nipples, which were already erect from the cold water. Then at last the tanktop was discarded, tugged over head and sleeves pulled off her arms.

A month ago this would have been the most erotic thing that had ever happened to Ranma Saotome. On this particular day, it didn't even register in the top ten. Still, it was very hot, the male mind inside that girl's body couldn't help but wander, and it got worse when Shampoo pulled down her boxers with equally sensual contact.

He imagined stepping out of the boxers, then turning around and ordering Shampoo to kiss him. Then for some reason, his girl form and Akane would be on either side of his slave, looking at him with big pleading eyes. Then Shampoo and his girl form would turn towards each other and kiss with passion unmatched by anything else save the fires in Akane's eyes as she pushed him forward, made him sit on the stool and grabbed hold of the sides of his head.

"Tell me how sexy I am," she would demand. "And if you lie, you get punished..."

Then suddenly cold water poured over her, and Ranma was brought back to the real world. She felt pressure on her back as Shampoo began to scrub it with her breasts, soap trapped within her cleavage.

"Shampoo, isn't this a little much?" Ranma whimpered.

"Not yet," Shampoo answered. "Must prepare Master Ranma to satisfy Lady Akane. Her kisses get too, too good. Even Shampoo look forward to training with her now..."

And that was how Ranma started his day. More consistently aroused than he had ever been in his entire life. The fact that he hadn't snapped yet was really quite impressive, but his willpower did him credit. While others would have cracked already, it would take a whole year of this treatment for Ranma to reach his limits.

Not that Akane's willpower was all that much lesser. True enough, she was capable of resisting in part because she was getting a little sugar from Shampoo, but that was as far as she was taking things for the time being. She was holding on by one simple thread of thought: She won't make another play for Ranma until he makes a play for her. Stubborn pride was winning out over lust in the longer term.

So that's how the occupants of the Tendo household began their days. What about other people? For example, how does a certain bleary eyed young man with a camera start his day?

* * *

Hikaru Gosunkugi was the kind of boy that never got any attention. He was easy to ignore. Blended into the background to a trivial degree. Yet here he was, standing at the head of a group of mostly girls (which surprised him for reasons that would soon become apparent) preparing to make a speech.

Isn't it funny how things will change?

"L-Ladies and gentlemen," he began, then cleared his throat when they all looked right at him. "Th-this is the second weekly meeting of the anti-Ranma club!"

Polite applause. He pressed a button, and the projector showed a clip of a picture of Ranma Saotome (boy form), flashing a victory pose and cheeky grin at the camera. There was also a red circle around his face and a cross through the circle.

"S-So, after a productive meeting last week, we've been provided with some really good pictures so far of Akane Tendo, M-Miss Shampoo and even the mysterious pigtailed girl!" Gosunkugi nodded. The girls elbowed each other meaningfully, and the boys quirked an eyebrow at their antics. "Ahem! Unfortunately the core issue still needs to be addressed. How do we persuade Ranma Saotome to stay away from Akane Tendo?"

"And away from the pigtailed girl!"

"Away from Shampoo, you mean! She's my waifu!"

"Away from all three of them! They'd be much cuter together!"

Oh boy. That's the problem here, this whole organisation was a coalition of shippers. He wasn't even sure how exactly he'd wound up in charge, and the fact there were so many girls here was... A little unusual but also kind of hot the more he thought about it. The best and most reasonable place for them to start was to investigate Ranma Saotome. Learn everything about it. Put together the puzzle that is their mortal foe!

AKA: Stalk him like pretty much everybody in the club was stalking Akane.

* * *

Akane let out a contented sigh at the taste of breakfast. The entire family had, of course, gathered for the morning meal. It was when the family got together and greeted the day before heading off. The table was getting rather full. Before Ranma showed up each member would get their own side. Now it was getting rather crowded. Soun and Genma took the heads, with Kasumi and Nabiki on one side. And on the side facing the yard sat Akane, Ranma, and Shampoo. Shampoo being the the latest addition to the household, she sat between Ranma and Akane.

Akane missed the annoyed look Soun gave her as she sat down between fiances. Shampoo, for her part, had made sure both of them had food served up first before taking her seat, and took care to have a smaller serving than her Master. This being Ranma Saotome, it was not a particularly difficult task. The boy had an appetite to put hippos to shame.

"So, Shampoo." Kasumi said, "How has school been?"

"Ah." Shampoo sat down her chopsticks. "Very interesting. Educational. Though boys keep asking Shampoo out."

"Well you're a very pretty young girl." Soun said hopefully.

"Ah but Shampoo have to say no." She said. "Make sure to tell them Shampoo belong to Master."

Ranma had been in the middle of eating a particularly large piece of fish, but suddenly the ability to swallow eluded him. "W-what have you been telling them?" He asked.

Akane groaned, "Shampoo you're giving people the wrong-"

"Also some girls ask Shampoo out. Explain that Shampoo belong to Lady Akane too."

Akane hit her head on the table. "The very wrong idea."

Shampoo blinked. "But it true?"

"Not in the way they're thinking of." Ranma muttered. He made a mental note to do damage control later. Explain that Shampoo couldn't date due to some martial arts ascetic thing or something. He was a student of Genma Saotome, he could bullshit an explanation easily enough.

I mean, sure they had done some things. But he didn't want people to know about it. They might think he and Akane were perverts taking advantage of the cute foreign girl's naivete. When the opposite sometimes felt closer to the truth.

* * *

Hikaru Gousenkugi was a man on a mission. His objective was simple, get rid of Ranma Saotome so he could get his stalking target true love Akane Tendo back!

One little problem.

"And what the hell is this garbage!" A voice said behind him.

"Excuse me? Don't you dare touch my doujinshi!" Another voice said.

"This… this is Shampoo? That submissive ditz is in no way appropriate for Akane!"

"What? And let me guess, you think that dumb pigtailed girl who stole that **Boys** name is so much better? Now give me that back! I need to make copies for distribution!"

"President tell the Treasurer to stop wasting Club Funds on something like that!"

"Excuse me? President! Tell the Vice-President that my doujinshi is _vital_ to the society!"

Now, one with a bit more spine would start shouting at the two young women behind to stop this dumb argument. Alas, Hikaru had only slightly more spine than your average worm. "Um… excuse me?"

"Well, President?" The two girls pressed up into his face at once.

First, there was Kyoko Matsuoka, the Vice-President of the Anti-Ranma Club. A short young lady with pale skin and long black hair (Done with a Hime Cut even) and glasses. She was the only member who knew Hikaru before this club was founded. Being the Vice-President, and only other member, of Furinkan High's Occult Club. (Which, on paper, the Anti-Ranma Club still **was.** Many teachers were wondering about the recent surge of interest in Occultism.) They had shared interests. Namely creepy magic and Akane Tendo, so they had gotten along… well enough. Though while Hikaru had wanted Akane for himself Kyoko was content to live vicariously through Akane's life and sigh dramatically whenever she was brought up.

She had immediately fallen in love with the mysterious Pig-Tailed Girl and decided that she was to be Akane's True Love, and nothing would dissuade from that. Of course, the pictures of the two embracing in a tree, an umbrella in the Pigtailed Girl's hand, Kyoko had taken with her telephoto camera did look pretty incriminating.

Next, there was the Treasurer, Alice Rosario. A tall, blonde, dark skinned girl. She was the daughter of pair of Otaku who had moved to Japan from the southwestern United States shortly after she had been born. She had inherited their love of anime, video games, and of course _Yuri._ Shampoo trailing along, obeying Akane like a loyal knight triggered all her fetish points. So upon learning that this **man** dared lay claim on such a beautiful princess... ? She had to do something, and so had quit the anime club and became the treasure of the Anti-Ranma Club! For the sake of her Shipping Goggles!

Of course, Alice and Kyoko got along famously. That is to say they famously did not get along at all. They were the two hardliner leaders of the biggest factions in the Anti-Ranma club. (Followed by the ones who wanted a threesome pairing, and finally the smallest one wanting Akane for themselves. This last group consisted mostly of Hikaru and the boys who had once attacked her in the mornings.)

"Ah… er… if it's budgeted right…" Hikaru mumbled… "Maybe if you want some comic of your own, Matsuoka?

"What? Why on earth I waste my time drawing something for her!" Alice immediately jumped in to complain.

"I… didn't… I mean…." Hikaru said, trying to take control and desperately failing.

"Hah! Why would I want your awful scribbles anyways?" Kyoko jeered.

"Excuse me? I'll have you know my doujinshi's sold out every year we've gone to Comiket since I was 8!" Alice snapped back, her pride pricked.

A pause.

"Uh… why were your parents taking an 8 year old to Comiket?" Kyoko asked. Before shaking her head, "Nevermind! President! Aren't we here on an important task?"

"Don't try and change the subject Kyoko!" Alice said, "You always do that when-"

"Yes!" Hikaru finally managed to say, "We're here on a mission to try and figure out how to separate Saotome from Akane, remember?"

"Yup." Kyoko pulled out an envelope. "All the club members with **useful** skills like photography and sorcery…" A pointed glance at Alice, "Have been trailing Saotome for the past week or so. Trying to suss out any weak points."

"Give me those." Alice said, opening the envelope and flipping through the photographs. A frown formed on her face, deepening with each photo. "Um… Ranma's posing in every photo here."

"What?" Hikaru asked, grabbing some of the photos from the stack. Sure enough, each picture was Ranma giving a "v" sign, thumbs up, or obviously posing in some way with him directly looking at the camera.

"Oh that bastard!" Alice suddenly shouted, before throwing the photo she had last been looking at to the ground.

Kyoko and Hikaru leaned over to look at it. It was a photo with both Ranma and Shampoo in a park. Shampoo's arms were wrapped around Ranma's neck in a hug Ranma's left hand was cupping Shampoo's rear. Both of them giving a "V" sign to the camera, though only Ranma was looking at them. Shampoo's eyes were closed, kissing Ranma on the cheek.

"Wait… I recognize that park. I took photos of them there just yesterday…" Hikaru said. How on earth did Ranma and Shampoo both notice him, get into the right pose, and do it all fast enough in the space it took to take a picture. Then go back to their stroll in the park with Akane without him noticing?

* * *

"Think photo people still follow?" Shampoo asked.

It was almost time for school. Ranma and Shampoo waiting outside the gate for Akane to show up.

Ranma shrugged, "Not like they're doing anything really annoying." A grin formed on his face, remembering the "goofy" pose he had thought of doing yesterday. Shampoo's butt sure fit nicely in his hand…

"Bye Kasumi!" Akane called out as she walked out the gate. She, the only one of the three wearing a school uniform, stopped and finally leveled a glance at Ranma. "Can't you wear the school uniform?"

Ranma rolled his eyes. "Why me? What about Shampoo?"

Akane peered over Shampoo, taking note of the almost form fitting qipao, showing off plenty of her legs thanks to the slits on the side, before returning back to looking at Ranma. This time with a flat glare quietly asking if he was an idiot.

Ranma got the point quickly, and the three began walking to school. Ranma leaping up on the fence, Akane walking down on the sidewalk beside him, and Shampoo trailing behind them both.

"Roar!" That's when a blonde girl in a tiger-striped bikini, a hair clip with plastic horns, and a foam club jumped in front of them.

All three stopped. "Uh…" Ranma said. "Hi?"

The girl waved the club threateningly at them.

Shampoo blinked. "Master? This normal for Japanese person?"

"Uh… no?" Ranma said.

It was Akane who recognized the person, "Ah, wait, isn't that Rosario?"

The girl stumbled from her attempts at being scary. "T-Tendo! You re-re-recognize me!?"

"Yeah she goes to our school. She's big on cosplay and stuff like that." Akane smiled, "Nice costume! Though… are you going to wear that to school."

Blushing, Alice simply shook her head, "Uh… bye!" She ran off, leaving the foam club behind.

"I think she was supposed to be an oni." Ranma commented.

Another block, and as they turned a corner.

 _"Killed me… You killed me!"_ Towering over them, a pale and gaunt face, wearing white with candles lit all over him. A ghost!

"Eeeeeekkkkkkk!" Akane shrieked, jumping up and latching onto Ranma's arm. Which pulled him off the fence and caused them both to fall to the ground in a heap.

Shampoo, not being in a tangle of limbs, calmly walked over to the "ghost" and tugged at it.

"H-hey what are you doing!" A voice inside the robes shouted, before the girl and the boy standing on her shoulders fell over, their costumes ruined.

Shampoo glanced back to Ranma and Akane. In the process of falling Ranma had fallen on top of Akane, and somehow both his hands were on her chest, and they both were staring into each other's eyes… before they separated, faces red.

Shampoo sighed. She still had a lot of work ahead of her.

"Know these guys Akane?" Ranma asked, quickly trying to turn the subject away from what had just happened.

Akane glanced at the two. "Err… nope? Can't say I've seen them before. We really should get to school Ranma." Without even sparing either a second glance, the two ran off to Furinkan, Shampoo running behind them.

* * *

"President!" Alice, still in her Oni costume, ran over to the collapsed ghost pair. "Akane knows my name!"

"Oh no fair!" Kyoko shouted, "I bet it's just because you stupidly stand out!"

"Oh, and Ranma's not scared of monsters I think." Alice pouted.

"Nor ghosts." Hikaru managed to get out.

"Well that's no good. What other costumes do we have?" Kyoko said.

"What if it's something like heights?" Alice said.

"Don't be dumb! You've seen how he climbs fences!"

"I didn't mean just that! Like maybe something not big and obvious like bugs or water… he does act a little weird around drinking fountains!"

Hikaru groaned as the two girls began arguing again, sorely tempted to just start beating his head against the concrete.

That's when an ear piercing scream, one most importantly a male one, sounded from a short distance away.

"That sounded like Saotome!" Hikaru shouted, and in an instant the trio, focused on their mission, ran over to the source.

Sure enough, Ranma was standing on top of a street light for some reason, while Akane and Shampoo were both looking up at him.

"What happened here?" Alice asked.

Akane glanced back at them. "Oh, it's Rosario and… ah… err…"

"Hikaru Gousenkugi. I'm in your class.." Hikaru said despondently.

"Really?" Akane said, "Uh… Shampoo?"

"No recognize ghost boy either."

It was at that point Ranma jumped down, giving the three a glare. "The hell are you costume groupies doing here?"

"Ah… we… ah…." Hikaru stuttered.

"We heard shouting, Saotome. So we came to see what's up." Kyoko said quickly.

Ranma snorted, "Nothings up. Come on Akane, Shampoo, we need to go to class." He snapped, turning around and walking.

"Yes Master!" Shampoo said. (Alice clenched her fists), and trailed behind him.

Akane shrugged, "Well, see you at class… err…. Sentaro!" She said before following behind.

Hikaru fell to his knees. "She forgot my name that quickly!"

"Err…. what **is** your name President?" Alice asked.

Hikaru glared at her.

* * *

Following behind, Shampoo found herself frowning.

While Akane had been too busy looking everywhere **but** at Ranma to notice, Shampoo had seen exactly what had happened to make her Master suddenly so afraid. The creature had leapt in out of nowhere, bounding out from over a house's wall, landing in front of Ranma.

With no time to prepare he had reacted by screaming and jumping back and away from it, landing on top of a lamppost.

Now, once again Shampoo's found she had another secret about her Master to unravel. Purely to protect him, of course.

Though, Shampoo couldn't understand it at all. Why on **earth** had Ranma been so scared of a housecat?


	10. The Dreaded Art of the Cat-Fist

"Maybe he has an allergy?"

"If it's to inane suggestions, then we're already set!"

Despair! Hikaru Gosunkugi was in the clutches of despair! At this point the girls weren't making serious suggestions anymore, more like accusations being bounced back and forth. He wasn't even paying attention to who was saying what, because at this point it had all coalesced into a grey smear of misery.

"Well! It's good to see that you're so self aware. Admission is the first step to recovery."

"Why you - Alright smartass! What do you think he might be allergic to?"

"Well, there's the old standbys: Pollen, peanuts and - "

Suddenly a cat landed on Gosunkugi's lap. The boy stared down at the cute little kitty through his baggy, tired eyes. It rubbed its head up against him. How sweet! Of course he knew intellectually that the feline was merely marking him with its scent, but that at least meant he was wanted by something in this dreary world.

"Where did you come from, I wonder?" he asked aloud, turning up to see the open window to the clubroom they were gathered in. The cat nuzzled against his stomach, as if jealous of the attention. "Ah, you're a nice kitty aren't you? At least someone wants my attention."

"Ew, President! You're being really gross right now!"

"I feel like I just watched the origin story to a creep old cat owner..."

It was at this point that Hikaru's attention returned to the two girls arguing in front of him. He turned his baggy, exhausted eyes up towards them. Kyoko peering down with eyes full of disdain, Alice rolling her eyes. The put-upon boy sighed for a moment, then noticed that both girls were rather resolutely looking directly at the cat rather than at him. Their fingers were twitchy. Their breathing just a little too deliberately steady.

It kind of gave off the impression that they both dearly wanted to pet the cat, but didn't want to admit to it in front of the other. Gosunkugi felt no such shame and pet away. Point of fact, he felt precious little shame as it was! Perhaps his only advantage over the two of them.

"Um..." he said while scratching the top of the cat's head. It seemed to like this. "It doesn't seem useful just standing around arguing about it. We, uh, need more information about him before we can work anything out. What are his hobbies, what does he do after school?" The two girls twitched a little as the cat purred contently on Gosunkugi's lap, then rubbed its head up against his stomach. "We need to change our tactics, and really think outside the box. His weakness isn't just going to jump into our laps. "

Suddenly the cat jumped out of his lap and made a mad dash for the door. It pawed desperately at it, prompting Alice to skip across and slide it open - Just at the same time that a new presence entered the room via the window. A purple haired bombshell landing on all fours directly in front of him. Shampoo, the mystery foreigner, had arrived!

"Found you," Shampoo said. The cat peered back towards the girl, and he could swear it had a sweat bubble behind its ear. Shampoo crawled forward, keeping her body low to the ground. The club members stayed resolutely silent and still, as though a hypnotic spell had been cast over them all.

And why not? Shampoo's body was extremely easy on the eyes and that qipao she was wearing was very, very tight fitting. Combine that with the rather particular muscle movements required to properly crawl so close to the ground and you have a formula for success. That is, if success means "thank you divine spirits for this bountiful blessing." Even Kyoko was mesmerised, and that girl hated Shampoo with as much intensity as someone can hate the character interfering in their OTP. As anyone that's spent time within a divisive online fan community can tell you, that's enough hate to drown the sun.

"No be afraid kitty," Shampoo whispered while crawling forward. The cat elected to ignore this advice and backed off nervously. A difficult feat to do on four legs. "Shampoo not hurt." Crawl forward, step back. Both at the same pace. Not that any of the three of them were paying too much attention. "Shampoo just want take look."

She pounced, and it was off like a rocket. Shampoo bounded after the cat, still on all fours and then the two of them were off down the corridor towards heaven only knows. Once she was out of sight it took a full minute before the three of them were able to shake off the lingering effects of warrior babe booty induced mesmerism.

"Why that cheeky bitch!" Kyoko yelled, stomping her foot. "Who does she think she is, coming in here like that and - What the hell are you drawing?"

"Huh? Oh nothing!" Alice chirped. Gosunkugi risked a glimpse over her shoulder. It was a sketch of Shampoo, Akane and the mystery pigtailed girl all dressed up as catgirls. "Just entertaining my muse, never mind me! The yuri must flow!"

Kyoko snatched it out of her grip and scowled right into Alice's eyes. Weirdly, for a second there he had this weird impression they were about to kiss... But that might just be Alice projecting yuri thoughts into the atmosphere again. Which was why she was given her own changing room for gym class, much to her annoyance. And was also forbidden from having access to honey, syrup chocolate spread, jam or any other kind of sweet tasting spreadable foodstuff at lunchtime. These are stories for another time and another place, but not right now.

"I said the yuri must flow!" Alice hissed. But Kyoko didn't flinch. Most others would have, but she met that yuri gaze with one of her own fierce determination.

"Pigtailed girl and Akane, wearing catsuits, on all fours and licking milk off each other's faces."

 **"Yuuuuuriiiiii!"**

Well, that should resolve that dispute at the very least. Alice was now scribbling away on a fresh sheet of paper while Kyoko stared over her shoulder. Steam was shooting out from both girl's nostrils as Alice sketched, and at this point Gosunkugi knew well enough to let them get to it. His attention returned towards the still open door. Oh dear. He did so hope that exchange wasn't heard by anyone... Actually come to think he did have one question tickling at the back of his mind...

"Why on earth was Shampoo after that cat?" he pondered aloud. That didn't make any sense to him, but for some reason the two girls shot bolt upright as soon as he asked it. Had he said something strange?

"You know, that was a little odd wasn't it?" Alice asked Kyoko.

"Yes, that was very strange," Kyoko agreed. "I don't think it was her cat, that's not the impression I had. You don't suppose she was trying to eat it or something, do you?"

Alice grinned. "Shampoo eating pussy? Yow! Mind the elbow! Ugh! No, I don't think that was it either... But I know how we can find out!"

* * *

The thing to remember about cats is that their default setting for speed and dexterity is much higher than a human's. Shampoo is an extremely good example of a human at peak performance from a lifetime of training, but a simple housecat was proving quite the problem for her. Its smaller size let it fit into areas that she could not, and its instincts were truly top notch.

Right now though it was licking its back, getting rid of some scent or other that had clung to it. Shampoo herself was watching from a distance, hiding in a tree nearby. She'd attended classes this morning, then immediately set about her hunt. The trouble was this was prey she intended to take alive rather than dead. If not, this would already be over.

She thought back to earlier in the morning, on the way to school. Her Master had screamed like a little bitch at the sight of this simple, ordinary housecat. It had left her baffled at first. Confused beyond all measure. Why would a martial artist of his calibre be so terrified of a cat?

Then all at once it hit her: That was no ordinary housecat! Of course! Her Master must have a much higher level of training than Shampoo that let him notice the frightening truth. That cat... Was a Jusenkyo curse victim, just like him! Airen was afraid because he subconsciously noticed it was a fearsome foe in deep disguise, sneakily watching Master from afar and waiting to strike like devious dog. Or cat, whatever! Normally Shampoo would have no problem merely killing such a dangerous enemy, but right now her real goal was to capture and interrogate.

"You is good at pretend to be kitty cat..." Shampoo whispered. "But no fool Shampoo. Shampoo catch you too too soon! Make you talk." She mused this over. "Make you meow for mercy."

Ah! It was being approached by someone now. A young girl with blonde hair. Looked familiar. She approached the cat with something in her hand. Some kind of leaf? She held it out to the cat, which sniffed at it and wobbled a little in place. It rubbed its face all over her hand, and then she left it on the wall and stepped back. To Shampoo's utter amazement, the cat then continued to sniff at it and rolled over onto its back with its tongue rolling slightly out of its mouth.

"Miss Shampoo! I caught the kitty for you!" the girl waved at her, jumping up and down excitedly in the process. "Tee hee!" She scooped it up into her arms and cradled the cat lovingly, scratching at its neck. "Bad kitty, you caused Miss Shampoo all kinds of mischief, didn't you?"

"Nyaaaaaa!" the cat answered, squirming as if trying to get comfortable. The girl responded by putting the leaf on its nose. The cat's eyes rolled up in its head. "Prrrrrr!"

Huh. This girl looked familiar... Wasn't this one of the strange girls from this morning, with strange sense of humour? Shampoo hopped out of the tree and dashed forward. The cat was totally docile.

"Isn't catnip amazing?" the girl asked, handing the enemy cat over. "Here you go! High as a kite. Not going anywhere now, are you kitty?"

"Rooowr..." it cutely whined and snuggled up against Shampoo's breasts. Well, it seemed like this enemy was not only good at behaving like a cat, it also had good taste!

"I'm Alice, by the way!" the girl curtseyed. "Pleased to meetcha! I'm part of the Occult club. You hopped into our room while going after that cute little kitty, so we decided to help you out!"

"Thank you?" Shampoo more asked than stated. That was very... expositional of her.

"Don't mention it!" Alice bounced up on her toes. "Say, why were you after that thing anyway?"

"Ah... That secret!" Shampoo answered cheerfully. Really now, she didn't quite feel comfortable talking with the other students yet. A few of them had tried to make friends, but it was pretty obvious what they were all really interested in. Alice was probably no different. "But thank you for help, is too too nice! Bother Shampoo all lunchtime."

"Really now, don't be silly! Just remember, if you need help the Occult Club is where it's at. See ya! Buh bye!" And off she frolicked around the corner.

"Bye bye!" Shampoo waved her off, cradling the cat in a carefully tight grip with the other hand. She waited until Alice was gone, then counted to ten and pulled out the little device Alice had slipped into the cat's collar while she thought Shampoo couldn't see. Then she set it down on the wall, reached into her tight fitting dress and pulled out an airhorn that really, if you get right down to it, her dress would not have been able to hide at all because it would have made a really, really obvious bulge. And not the kind of obvious bulge her dress normally causes. Ahem.

Regardless: Shampoo took a deep, deep breath and aimed the airhorn at the device, then let loose with a mighty honk. Curiously, at the same time this happened a blonde girl jumped a clear ten feet in the air, and landed in a heap behind a wall a little off in the distance.

"The Occult Club..." Shampoo mused. "Hrm... Is likely they may know something about kitty. Shampoo maybe investigate later on."

Meanwhile, off behind the wall, Kyoko let out a low whistle. "That was easily ten feet," she observed. "Are you alright?"

"Sure," Alice answered while straightening out her hair. "Lucky me, something soft broke my fall."

"You're welcome!" whimpered a boy's voice from underneath her.

* * *

With school coming to an end Akane decided to spend some time chatting with her friends. Both Yuka and Sayuri were always happy to simply hang out.

"So how's Ranma?" Yuka asked, a giggle on the tip of her tongue.

Akane blushed, thinking about how the morning had gone. She had yet to tell either of her friends just how far she had gone with Ranma. For one thing it would require explaining how Shampoo had convinced her and Ranma that… well… what could only be described as a massage with a very happy ending was a good idea.

Not to say it wasn't, and she wondered when Ranma would man up and make a move.

"Well we've been a bit busy helping Shampoo with her studies." Akane finally said the most neutral thing.

"Yeah, Shampoo…" Sayuri said, "You know, there's been rumors about some big love triangle between Ranma, Shampoo, that other Girl Ranma, and you." Sayuri thought it wise not to mention that, amongst the girls at least, Akane was the one at the center of said triangle. (Square? Star?)

Akane groaned, "That's…. Ugg." She didn't want to admit how it was both inaccurate and accurate. "Look, guys, there is no love triangle between me, Ranma, and Shamp-"

Speak of the devil and he will appear. Or, in this case, speak of the slave and she'll burst into the conversation through the wall. With rubble falling around her, and a cat held up against her chest for some reason.

"Ah, there Lady Akane is." Shampoo said, walking past the shocked looking friends. "Ah, Nihao Yuka, Sayuri. Shampoo need to talk to Lady Akane."

Akane let out a long sigh, "OK Shampoo. What is it?"

"Oh look at the cute kitty!" Sayuri said, noticing the cat currently snuggling between Shampoo's breasts.

"Yes it very cute." Shampoo said. "So Lady Akane come talk please?"

Akane looked back to her friends, then back to Shampoo. Shampoo had never asked for something like this before… "OK, fine. Sorry guys, but I need to see what Shampoo needs."

"It's fine!"

"See you later Akane!" Yuka waved, until the two were out of earshot. "You know, something just occured to me."

"What?"

"What if… what if it isn't a love triangle? What if… fi it's…"

Sayuri's eyes widened, "You… you don't mean… a harem?"

The mental image of Akane on a throne. Ranma not wearing a shirt, Shampoo and the Pigtailed Girl both wearing skimpy silk outfits… all waiting Akane on hand and foot. A bit of blood trickled out of their noses.

"That… is it possible?" Sayuri asked.

"It is Akane, if any girl could get a harem it's her."

* * *

Akane listened as Shampoo explained her theory about the cat.

The cat meowed once or twice in the process.

"Uh.. OK?" Akane said, "And Ranma...subconsciously picked this up which is why he screamed at the sight of it."

"Yes!" Shampoo nodded, "So Lady Akane needs to take cat home and give it bath, reveal true form."

Now, being a cat, it had an instinctual reaction to the word "bath" and began to immediately struggle. "Ah-ha! See, it knows it trapped!" Shampoo said. "To bath!"

Several boys passing by stared at Shampoo upon her shouting that. Shampoo didn't seem to notice, but Akane glared at the perverts daring to imagine her glorious naked body.

"Come on Shampoo, let's go home!" Akane grabbed her by the arm and began walking.

A bit further back, three heads peered out from the wall.

"What are they doing with that cat?" Kyoko said.

"Who cares about that! Shampoo said bath! She and Akane are going to have a bath!" Alice said, drool dripping out of the corner of her mouth."President! You'll try and see what's going on right?" And by that she meant _candid shots_

"Why me?" Hikaru asked.

"Nobody notices you anyway President." Kyoko said. "It'll be perfect. I'll be watching from outside, you try and find a reason to get closer… Alice can just wait for us useful people."

"What was that?!" And so the argument began anew.

* * *

Upon seeing the tub, the cat's struggles became more frantic. "Silly cat! Shampoo know truth!" Shampoo said, before throwing it into the direction of the tub.

WIth a quiet splash it landed in, and Akane and Shampoo stared at the ripples… as a soaked cat crawled out of the tub.

"Eh?" Shampoo said, staring at the cat. "No change."

"..maybe Ranma was afraid of the cat… for something else?" Akane asked.

That's when the door to the bathroom opened, and in walked a panda.

Akane and Shampoo turned to him, staring, their eyes wide. _Oops. What are you two doing in the bath dressed anyways?_ The sign said.

The next instant Genma found himself being punched into the ground, **then** kicked.

"Stupid Panda Father **Knock!"** Shampoo shouted in indignation.

* * *

"So what were you two girls doing?" Genma asked, icepack on his head.

Shampoo and Akane looked at each other. On one hand, as Ranma's father, Genma might know something. On the other hand, he was rather unreliable. "Welll…." Akane said, "Shampoo says she saw Ranma react oddly to… a cat." Akane held up the still damp feline, looking disgruntled in a way only a wet cat can.

And in an instant Genma recoiled, "You saw that? Ohhh the shame! To think my son's horrible weakness would arise now!" He nodded grimly, "I understand if you want to end the engagement Akane, we can transfer it to Kasumi or Nabiki. They don't know about-"

"About how Ranma ran screaming from a kitty?" Kasumi said, setting cups of tea down in front of them.

"...well, Nabiki doesn't."

Akane's hands were full, so Shampoo's the one who punched him. "No say dumb things Panda Father." Shampoo said.

"What are you talking about?" Akane asked.

"It's a tragic story." Genma admitted, "When Ranma was young, I learned of an unbeatable technique. The Cat-Fist!"

"...you heard of that?" Akane asked Shampoo.

"No." Shampoo admitted.

"Truly it was the greatest failing of my son, unable to master the technique. Ever since then…" The tears flowed down his face, his fist clenched. "He's… he's been plagued with that weakness!" Genma pulled out a pamphlet from his gi. "The cat-fist was supposed to be unbeatable, but my son couldn't learn it."

Shampoo picked up the pamphlet, opened it, and read. It was fairly short overall. But a frown formed on her face. "Lady Akane? Shampoo no think Japanese good enough, because this sound insane and stupid. No way martial arts technique be taught by tying fish to boy and throwing in pit of cats."

"Actually that's exactly how the cat-fist is taught." Genma said, "I suppose such powerful techniques might not be known of in your village."

Shampoo stared at Genma, her face blank. "So… how old was Master?"

"He was 10." Genma said, nodding sagely. "The younger the better."

"Right." Shampoo said.

"But the technique had a terrible trick behind it!"

Akane peered over Shampoo's shoulder, reading along with her the page that said that anybody who tried teaching somebody this technique was an idiot.

Which, admittedly, was true.

"Ah. Shampoo understand now." She sat down the pamphlet, nodding.

"Glad to see you two get it." Genma said, "Truly it is a shame upon my-"

 **"SHAMPOO KILL!"** Shampoo screamed, having pulled out her sword.

Genma ducked under the first swing that would have taken his head had it connected, "Now wait a minute here." He sidestepped the bifurcating one as well. "Why are you blaming me for my son's failures?" He jumped over a sideways swipe and landed behind her, finally catching the blade between his hands when she spun around and swung down. "What did I do?"

Shampoo kicked him in the chest. "Stupid Panda Father die!"

She jumped after him, somebody managing to run faster than she had kicked him. Yet he then did a back-flip on the ground and somehow dodged another killing stroke.  
Akane and the cat watched on as Shampoo chased Genma around the yard. It was this sight that greeted Ranma and Nabiki, having arrived home together.

"Well this is new." Nabiki commented, sitting down next to Akane.

"What did my old man do this ttttiiiiiimmmmeeee!" Ranma's voice started rather deadpan, but then he noticed the **thing** in Akane's lap and jumped to the other end of the living room.

"Oh! Sorry Ranma." Akane said, "Err, Mr. Saotome told us about the Cat-Fist."

Ranma groaned. "Damn it! You dumb old man, why'd you babble like that!"

Shampoo, meanwhile, was finding her mission of killing Genma Saotome rather difficult. Mostly because he was somehow **more** slippery than her Master. But she had finally cornered him! One final blow and he'd be-

Her empty hands swung through the air. "Huh?"

Shampoo turned around. Ranma had plucked the sword from her hands. "Ah, Master." She said, giving him a quick polite bow. "Shampoo still need that."

"Shampoo." Ranma said, in an irritated tone. "What did I say about killing people?"

"Shouldn't you sound a bit more concerned about a threat on my life boy?" Genma asked, giving off the same irritated tone as his son.

"Ah, but Stupid Panda Father do really bad thing." Shampoo said. "Really stupid and really dumb thing. World be better place if he gone."

"Yes he's a dumbass. But you still can't kill him." Ranma said, before lashing out behind him and grabbing Genma by the collar to keep him from running.

Shampoo sighed, "If Master say so." She said in a tone similar to a child being told that no, they can't go to WcDonalds they already had lunch.

"Good." Ranma held the flailing Genma up to Shampoo. "But I figure since you've been a good girl, you can just beat Pops up instead."

"What is wrong with you boy?" Genma snapped.

Shampoo smiled, "Oh thank you Master!" She said cheerfully, reaching out and snatching Genma from Ranma's arms. "Stupid Panda father should be greatful for son's mercy!" She than began to inflict The Violence on him.

"So what's this about?" Nabiki asked.

"Thanks to Ranma's dad he's afraid of cats."

"Oh that's **hilarious."** Nabiki said.

Akane, still petting the cat in her lap, gave her sister a good old fashioned glare "Nabiki you will not tell anybody about this or else."

Nabiki glanced over to Shampoo, who was still performing The Violence on Genma, and back to Akane. "Sure thing sis." She wasn't that stupid. Plus, there was always the possibility that now that it had been talked about it would be public knowledge in a week without her having to do anything.

* * *

Meanwhile under the Tendo floorboards… there was nobody.

Back in the bathroom, Gousunkugi finally peered out from from the underside of the window. "Hello?" He said to nobody. "..why did they throw a cat in the tub anyways?"

Instead, across the street with a telephoto lens, Kyoko was watching with her camera! Taking pictures too of Akane with that adorable kitty.

"Now then… why did Ranma jump away from Akane?" She asked herself.


	11. Scaroused

There was something niggling at the back of Hikaru Gosunkugi's mind right now. Something about the situation he was in that seemed important, on the tip of his tongue, but he just could not quite reach it.

To summarise: He was in his bedroom giving a presentation to his fellow club members regarding the potential weakness of Ranma Saotome. To this effect, Alice had brought along a projector that she had... For some reason, with pictures taken by Hikaru himself and Kyoko earlier on being shown on the back wall.

"S-So!" he began, a truly stellar start. He adjusted his collar and used a pointing stick to point directly at the goofy face Ranma made just before jumping away from Akane. "This is the face of the enemy. Notice how his brow is furrowed, and his eyes wider open than usual. Wh-What are these telltale signs of?"

"Anger!" Kyoko and Alice answered at once. Then, as one, turned towards each other and stuck out their tongues. His two fellow club members were sitting on his bed to watch his demonstration. But... Anger? Huh! Actually Hikaru had assumed he was afraid... But no, on second thought a big brute like that couldn't be frightened so easily. They'd already demonstrated that with their tests.

"Right, angry..." Hikaru mumbled. "Um... In addition to that," he clicked and the image changed to show Shampoo dunking a cute cat into a bath. "This inexplicable action took place shortly before the enemy arrived at the Tendo residence. It may be relevant given her actions earlier in the clubroom, but I can't figure out why she would - "

Kyoko stuck up her hand. "It's obvious isn't it?" Kyoko sniffed. "Haven't you ever heard? Sometimes Chinese restaurants like to serve up cat as if it's chicken. They'll grab stray kitties and kill them for their meat."

The other two stared at her in mute silence. Actually, Hikaru had never heard of that before.

"What kind of urban legend nonsense is that?" Alice asked, grabbing Kyoko in a headlock and giving her a noogie. While sitting on Hikaru's bed. Something about that was really eating at him, but why? "Huh? I bet you can't even prove that kind of thing! I bet it is like that one study you tried to show me which said that ninety percent of all Doctor's diagnoses are wrong. Who would even know you idiot?!"

"Well, why else would that Chinese bimbo try to drown a kitty?!" Kyoko retorted, reaching up and pulling on Alice's hair. "It is just lucky that Akane was there to stop her!"

"Shampoo is not a Chinese bimbo!" Alice yelled back. "Well... Maybe she is, but you don't have to sound so condescending about it! A body like that must yuri!"

"Silly perverted foreign girl! Yuri is not a verb! "

"Give me five minutes and I'll change your mind!"

Ah, that's what it was! Hikaru thumped a fist into his open hand in a true eureka moment: There were two girls sitting on his bed! In his room! All alone with him! Sure, he wouldn't normally want to touch either of them with a ten foot pole - someone else's ten foot pole at that - because of how crazy they were, but right now the two girls were practically in each other's laps and about to kiss if they scooched so much as an inch closer -

A pillow hit him in the face.

"In both of your dreams," Kyoko stuck out her tongue, then smoothed her hands out down the sides of her body. "This body is reserved for the pleasure of Akane Tendo only. So, why did Saotome leap away from Akane like that all of a sudden?"

"I dunno," Alice scowled. "I don't understand that boy at all."

"Maybe it had something to do with the cat?" Hikaru lamely suggested. Though to be honest he was still a bit stuck on the idea that two girls - two kind of cute (if completely loco) girls actually - were sitting on his bed of their own volition. Was this really happening or just some weird dream? "Uh... Maybe he was so angry to see the cat in such a condition that he leaped back reflexively?"

A brief moment of silence here. If they had kept to Hikaru Gosunkugi's thinking, maybe they would have reached the correct answer: That Ranma was drowning in an ocean of ailurophobia with no hope of rescue. But instead...

"That makes sense!" Alice yelped. "Ranma Saotome... Is a cat lover!"

"Well... I suppose nobody's imperfect..." groused Kyoko. "But still, how do we use this? It's not much of a weakness, is it?"

"Dummy!" Alice sniffed. "Where there's a will, there's a way."

Indeed there is. Much the same way that where there's idiots, there's usually a farce coming down the pipeline.

* * *

In the meantime, it was Akane Tendo's favorite time of the day: Bathing with Shampoo! Now, what we have in this scenario is a case of "ultimate envy", should anyone at school ever learn of it. Pretty much every boy and every girl would have felt themselves in a terrible dilemma upon learning of it. Should they be envious of Akane, envious of Shampoo, or envious of any insects that happened to flit by able to see this glorious visage within their short lives?

Of course only true perverts would want to indulge in the wonder and the glory of this private and intimate spectacle. So let's, shall we?

It begins with the girls disrobing. Akane would request Shampoo to disrobe first, and her willing slave would do so at once. There was no shaking of ass or grinding of hips, no erotic teasing performed by the Chinese girl. And for that Akane was rather grateful. She did not take kindly to teasing and so this was rather her favorite kind of stripshow. To the point and oooh yes please. No matter how many times she saw Shampoo naked it was never, ever enough.

Once that was done Shampoo would undress Akane. Starting with her socks and then moving up her body, removing item by item until Akane was methodically and quickly undressed. Standing there before her sexy slave as naked as she was.

Normally Akane would revel in every single moment of this. Not so much today though. Today, she was fuming mad and even Shampoo's alluring flesh, yielding curves, sensually appealing body and cute face was not enough to bring her down.

"Honestly!" she snapped while Shampoo lifted the uniform's dress over Akane's head. "That stupid old man! Ranma's father is a total idiot!"

"And we have proof now," Shampoo said. She had Akane's clothes all gathered up and walked over to the corner of the bathing area, putting them away to keep them dry. "Only total idiot use this technique. It say so in instructions, so must be true!"

"Yeah," Akane nodded, watching Shampoo's retreating figure with a deeply furrowed brow. Nope, even that wasn't cheering her up. "The only good thing about that man is his son. It's a miracle Ranma turned out so well."

Shampoo peered at Akane over her shoulder and smiled about... Something. Probably her intentions at making the two of them into a proper item. Whatever, right now Akane was so thoroughly pissed off at Genma that she was half tempted to march right up to Ranma and have her way with his girl form just to annoy that stupid panda!

Well, maybe not just to annoy that stupid panda... Ranma's girl form was about as hot as Shampoo... But never mind that, guh! She didn't want her first time to be when she was so angry at someone else! Maybe if she was angry at Ranma, she'd heard that angry-sex was _awesome_ , but not when she was thinking of someone else.

As per the routine the two girls had established, Shampoo sat on the stool first. Akane then set about scrubbing down Shampoo's delightful body, taking special care around those splendid breasts. And occasionally rubbing her own against Shampoo's back by 'accident'.

"Felt good to beat up dumb panda..." Shampoo sighed. "Ah, Lady Akane, still too rough. Must learn to touch others more tenderly."

"Sorry..." Akane sniffed. She meant it, but it probably didn't sound like she did. "I'm just so... Angry! Poor Ranma, having to put up with a crippling fear of cats." Even if Ranma having **some** weak spot after being seemingly invulnerable for all the time she had known him was kind of cute... did it have to be tiny fluffy cats of all things!?

She finished up, and like always her hands complained that they didn't get as much the chance to feel that body as they might have liked. Ah, but now they were able to switch places! Now Shampoo was the one cleaning Akane's body, and the former warrior girl may have been physically stronger than Akane, but she also knew how to exercise tenderness, with a good understanding of shiatsu. This knowledge made this not so much a clean down but a massage.

"Yes, is too too much a shame..." Shampoo scowled. Her fingers found a point in Akane's back that made the girl momentarily forget what anger even was, no matter that she should be feeling it. "He strong warrior, but hindered by dumb weakness."

"What was even the point of the technique?" Akane half asked, half moaned. She arched her back, trying to make it touch Shampoo, but the slave seemed content to stay a little too far away for that to work.

"Shampoo not sure," she said. "Seems dumb. It make association in victim mind about cat be bad. Be afraid of kitty. Too too bad!"

Akane was too lost in Shampoo's cleaning to notice a twinkle forming in the slave's eye. "Form association..." Shampoo repeated, seemingly to herself. "If make association with kitty that not bad... Make good thoughts about kitty, maybe cure Master Ranma?"

"Mmph, that would be nice," Akane agreed. Shampoo squeezed her shoulders. "Ah! Ooh, did you have something in mind?"

"Maybe..." Shampoo mused, moving the washcloth down Akane's arm, then leaning in to rest her head on Akane's shoulder. "Shampoo have plan may work..."

Which was why, later on, when Ranma returned to his bedroom he found two girls he really, really wanted to have sex with crawling around on all fours wearing damp leotards, cat ears, cat tails and not a stitch else.

* * *

Let us backtrack a little, to a short time before Ranma entered the room.

How Shampoo had gotten the dark blue leotard was rather simple. Akane, taking full advantage of her bathing privileges, had Shampoo dress her. So Shampoo simply took out the outfit and put it on her Lady. The damp dark blue leotard exposed every bit of Akane's trim figure, and the ears and tail made her looks really cute. Shampoo's matching purple leotard and kitty set was also a delight to the eyes.

Now as to **where** Shampoo got these "outfits?" Some questions don't need to be answered.

"What **are** we doing?" Akane asked once they were safely shut away in Ranma's room.

"Simple Master think of bad things with cats, so we show him good things to think about when see cats!" Shampoo said.

"Oh." Akane said, "Are you sure that will work?" Akane could detect a few holes in that logic. Actually a lot of holes. OK, it was more like a single large hole with a thin veneer of an idea resembling logic forming the edge of the hole.

"Shampoo make it work." She said, "Just need Lady Akane to make sure Master calm and happy."

* * *

Ranma entered his room grumbling.

Or, to be more accurate, Ranma entered her room grumbling.

She was a girl at this point. Because Genma had decided that since the Cat Fist had been revealed Ranma's training needed to start over in an attempt to overcome the "shame." So a lot of fighting the idiot patriarch of the Saotome family, which ended with both of them drenched koi pond water.

After spitting out the poor fish, and decking his panda-dad, Ranma marched up to his room. Which Genma had been forbidden from entering ever since the Massage, Shampoo just would not allow it. (He had taken to sleeping in Soun's room.) All she wanted to do was change into something dry and comfortable and be free of idiot Pandas.

So he opened the door, only to find the sight mentioned earlier. Akane and Shampoo, the two sexiest girls he knew and the protagonists of a **lot** of his dreams recently. Sitting on the bed, damp, in leotards a size too small for their figures. With cat ears and tails.

"Ni-meow Master!" Shampoo said brightly.

"Purrfect timing," Akane said. She waved a paw at him. "Check meowt!"

Ranma's face became what it would look like if a blue screen of death were anthropomorphized. She was so completely overwhelmed by two distinctly conflicting emotions that he didn't even register the fact that neither Shampoo or Akane's puns worked in Japanese, and hence could not snark about it.

Those two emotions did not tend to sit well together. Absolute mind and soul crushing terror did not tend to sit well in the same room as eternal gratitude to whatever deity made this happen. Actually, one might say that these two emotional reactions were even more severe enemies than happiness to sadness, or love to hate. Matters weren't exactly helped in the slightest when said hottest girls he'd ever met began to rub themselves up against her legs in a manner not entirely unlike that of a ca-ca-c-c-c-c-c-

"W-what are you d-doing?" Ranma managed to stutter out.

"Helping you." Akane said, before pouncing! Namely pushing Ranma onto the bed. Ranma's cursed form being shorter than Akane meant it was not unlike that of a larger predator pinning its small and cute prey down. "How are you feeling?"

How was she feeling? How the hell do you answer that question? OK there was the leotard leaving nothing to the imagination. Akane's nipples were jutting out through the fabric, bouncing along with the rest of her! But then she saw the ears! And the tail! And Shampoo was somehow _purring_ as she circled around Ranma! There wasn't a word for the bizarre mix of terror and arousal!

From Akane's perspective, there was something to appreciate about the trembling girl with a shaky smile she was pinning down. Yes. Boy Type Ranma had his handsome appeal, with a great muscles and a confidence that made girls squeal. But the shy, unsure and overcompensating Girl Type Ranma was _also_ a lot of fun. Akane didn't know what'd she'd like more long term but being on top of this cute little bundle was fun right now.

"It's OK Ranma, we're here for you." Akane leaned down, laying on top of her. Akane's breasts pressing against her fiancees. "We'll cure you of your tram-nya."

Before Ranma could notice and complain about **another** pun that wouldn't work if they were speaking Japanese Shampoo was behind Ranma, and Ranma's head found a pillow. With Akane's position both of them had a very up close view of Shampoo's chest. Straining against the purple leotard.

Also, Shampoo had a two bottles in her hands. One was a large bottle of water, the other was smaller with the number **911** printed on it. "Relaxed Master?"

"Uhhhhhh." Ranma said, unable to form many other words with the sensations of Akane on top of her and the close up sight of Shampoo. Shampoo decided that this was good enough and got to work. Her hands _blurred_ as she within the space of thirty seconds untied Ranma's hair. She poured the water bottle over her head. She then poured some of the contents of the bottle onto Ranma's head, revealing it to be shampoo. A vigorous scrubbing of the scalp followed. Finally Shampoo used the remaining water to rinse Ranma's hair out, then tied Ranma's pigtail up again. She then pulled out a towel from **somewhere** and used it to dry her master off.

"Uhhhhhhhuh?" Akane snapped back into reality with the strange sight of Shampoo, well, _shampooing_ Ranma.

"How Master feel?" Shampoo asked.

"How do I feel?" Ranma said. Her eyes flickered between Akane and Shampoo's chests. Then her eyes flicked back up to the toy ears and tails. They were... cute? Yes. Cute. That was the word to describe them. With that thought Ranma realized something, **she wasn't afraid anymore.**

Well, OK, a _little_ afraid. But only because Ranma was currently the filling in a Catgirl sandwich. But the bursts of fear from the sight of tails and ears was gone… why had she ever been afraid of that? That seemed silly. Instead she concentrated on the feelings of Akane's chest against hers, the warmth of Shampoo's thighs. It felt… pretty damn good! "...Refreshed?" Yeah that's the biggest feeling. Ranma felt really refreshed.

"Master only remember cute happy kitties now." Shampoo said. "Feel nice having Lady Akane on body now right?"

Well, yeah, it felt nice right now. Akane, and Shampoo, were definitely "cute kitties" at the moment and they sure as hell were making Ranma feel happy.

"That's great!" Akane said, before pushing forward and giving Ranma a kiss. (After all, Ranma was a girl at the moment and thus, did not need to "man up" and make a move.) It did not take long for this to extend to mouths opening and a tongue or two being pushed out. Ranma's shirt became undone by the forceful making out, pressing cool skin against Akane's leotard.

Shampoo was completely nonplussed by two girls making out with one using her as a lap pillow. "Shampoo so happy Master cured!" She said, her breasts bouncing in a way her Masters really appreciated the view off as she clapped her hands with joy.

* * *

An hour later Ranma came down with Akane and Shampoo for dinner. All three were wearing pajamas. (Shampoo had been given her own pair by Kasumi last week), and all three looked fairly satisfied.

That's when, just as Ranma was sitting down to dinner, Genma sprung down from the ceiling. "Prepare yourself boy!" In his hands… was a cat! He pushed the cat into his currently female son's face.

Ranma stared at the annoyed looking kitty. Why had she ever been scared of this? Objectively Ranma remembered the Cat Fist and why she had been. But looking at the tiny animal she could see nothing to be afraid of.

Of course, that's when a pair of chui slammed into Genma's head, driving him into the ground.

"Mr. Saotome don't you have any decency!" Akane growled, pulling her arm up, "Thank's Shampoo." she said, returning the weapon to her.

"Panda Father too stupid." Shampoo said, withdrawing hers and accepting the other back from Akane. The cat was unharmed, and meowed at Ranma before walking towards the kitchen, hoping for some scraps from Kasumi.

"Waait… boy. You didn't run?" Genma stood up, his bandanna coming off thanks to the pair of lumps on his head.

"Of course not." Ranma said flatly.

 **"We** cured Ranma." Akane said, hands on her hips and chest puffed out in pride.

"What… how?" Genma asked, "How did you manage to fix the boys weakness? I tried for years to do so!"

Shampoo handed Ranma a chui. He then used it. "Moron! You just kept shoving cats in my face at random times!"

"It secret." Shampoo said, "Shampoo and Akane never reveal."

Nabiki sighed, "Well I suppose that's fine." She hadn't even been able to think of a method to try and take advantage of Ranma's hilarious fear and he was already cured of it.

"It's good to see you helping Ranma out so much Akane." Kasumi said, setting out the dinner dishes.

Meanwhile, the cat walked across the veranda, ready to head off to the koi pond before Soun grabbed it. "Those fish aren't for you kitten."

The family laughed at the cute animal's antics. Except for Ranma. The more he looked at the cat… the more the images of Akane and Shampoo in those outfits came to her mind. The more her memories of their touch, their lips and soft skin pressed against her built up. Grateful that she was a girl at the moment and thus did not have to cross her legs to hide something dangerous, Ranma looked away from the cat, allowing the images to fade.

* * *

It begins with a father who was determined to make his son into the strongest martial artist in the world. A noble ambition, that is true. There was only one problem that totally undermined it: That father was an imbecile. What else could you call a man who reads up on the cat fist and thinks 'That sounds exactly like what we need!'

His son peers into the black pit questioningly, a piece of fish in each hand. "Are you sure about this, pop?" that son asks, still trusting in his father's judgment. "I don't get how this is supposed to be any kind of training."

"All shall be made clear," Genma Saotome yelled, picking Ranma up and then tossing him down, down into that black pit. "Once you have endured this, you shall learn the ultimate form of martial art!"

Ranma lands inside without hurting himself even a little. After all, he'd long since mastered sticking a landing. Trouble was that he couldn't see further than the nose on his face, but he sure could hear. Purring. Meowing. Yowling. Unmistakably feline sounds all around him.

"Nice kitties!" Ranma called out, waiting for his eyes to adjust and for the training to begin. More yowling. A little hissing. Something rubbed up against his leg. "Good kitties!" Now something was licking the back of his hand. "Uh, pops? Am I supposed to feed the cats the fish?"

Suddenly, he was knocked over onto his back. There was a dreadful weight sitting on his chest! It was hard to breath, but at the very least his eyes were starting to adjust to the darkness. Something licked at his face, something pawed around his head. Then his eyes finished adjusting.

It was... a really pretty girl with blueish hair and cat ears, a matching tail, and a too tight white leotard that almost looked like a deflated gi. She purred affectionately, then rubbed her cheek up against his.

"Ranma, meet your future wife." Genma pronounced in a serious tone.

That got him moving! Ranma pushed her off and rolled to the side and scrambled to his feet, only to come face to face with another pretty girl, this one with long purple hair, as well as matching cat ears and tail. Her leotard somehow reminded Ranma of a Chinese dress.

"Ranma, meet your and your future wife's slave." Genma pronounced in an identical tone hinting that this was something normal human beings did.

"G-Guh!" Ranma began to backpedal. "P-Pops! What kind of insane training is this?! G-Get me out of here, right now!"

Another face popped into view. Yet another catgirl! This one had a face that looked much more familiar to him, though he'd be damned if he could place it. It was weird, she had the same kind of pigtail he wore, except her hair was tinged red. As were her cat-accessories, though her leotard was more obviously red, with little yellow markings that almost looked like clasps down the middle.

"And this is your cursed form," Genma announced, though this time in a more lamenting fashion.

"Nyaaaa!" Ranma's kitty cursed form yowled, as full of affection for him as the other two. Which was a hell of a lot of affection! Both of them were around his legs by this point, rubbing up against him and pawing at his trousers. Ranma tried desperately to back away, but his cursed form grabbed hold of his head, keeping him trapped, unable to do anything but stare into her gorgeous eyes. "Purrrrr!"

"C-Cut that out!" Ranma protested. The blue haired kitty got her paw into his trouser's waistline, and began to tug them down. Ranma grabbed her paw and pulled it away, but no sooner had he done that than the purple haired minx had done the same thing on the other side! "I said cut that out!" he yelled, once again pushing her mittens away from his goodies!

"Nyaaaaa!" all three mewled at once. Then to Ranma's surprise they got all pouty at him. Eh? What in the world was that all -

Suddenly Ranma was standing on top of the pit edge a second time, with his father dabbing paste on his cheeks and his bare chest. "Uh, pops. This stuff reeks!" he protested, oblivious to the time skipping that normally occurs within a dream. "Look, I don't want to go back down there. It was really weird yesterday!"

"Nonsense! It's all part of the training!" Genma answered. Then picked him up and dumped him in without a second thought. "It didn't work yesterday, but it's sure to work today!"

They wasted no time at all today. All three of them jumped him immediately, and his eyesight adjusted much quicker this time around. All three of the catgirls were on all fours, though some of those fours were being used to pin down his stomach as they set about licking the paste off his chest and cheeks, with all three of them looking right in his eyes as they did so.

"H-Hey, that tickles!" Ranma tried his best not to laugh or thrash around too much, but it sure wasn't easy! Especially since all three of them made concentrated efforts to get their paws into the top of his trousers. "And you can leave that alone too! Hey! There's no paste in my belly button, stop that!"

"Nyaaaa!" the blue and purple haired catgirls mewled, pouting at him again before turning away, and then turning their attention towards the pigtailed catgirl, who was sitting on her haunches with her nose turned up. The other two started rubbing against her, which made a seemingly involuntary happy meow come out. Ranma stared at them, feeling completely baffled by their behaviour.

Pigtailed catgirl patted the other two girls on the head. The purple haired one squealed with delight, while the blue haired one straight up tackled the pigtailed catgirl.

"H-hey don't fight!" Ranma shouted, standing up and getting ready to pull them apart… "Huh?" Getting a closer look, he saw that what they were doing would not be called fighting by any definition. Their lips were mashed together, and Ranma could see their tongues pushing out into the others mouths. Their paws were starting to wander, slipping under their leotards!

"W-woah!" Ranma jumped away from them. That.. well that was a sight! And they were doing it right in front of him!

"Nimeow!" It was a running tackle! The purple one and Ranma rolled around for a few seconds before Ranma found himself being pinned to the ground by her. "H-hey…!" His face reddened. The catgirl on top of him was looking at him with a look of pure affection, leaning down and giving him the same kind of kiss the other two were doing.

Oh man, this was way too much! "Greeoff!" he shouted, an impressive feat considering another tongue was in his mouth. With a shove he forced her off him. "Ah… oh man…" He froze at the look on her face. She was about to cry! And… and was that a knife?"

"Nooeow!" Blue haired was on Purple in a flash. Letting out comforting sounds she started kissing the purple haired one, whose expression shifted back to happy with paws wandering under outfits.

"Err… what?" What was going on? The pigtailed catgirl was next to him again, giving him this strange deadpan expression. "What? What did I do?" He asked. Her expression was clearly calling him an idiot!

She rolled her eyes, "You dumbass," she said suddenly speaking like a normal human, "They-"

Ranma was up by the edge of the pit again, this time naked as the day he was born with fishcakes strapped around his thighs, biceps, neck and dangling in front of his junk.

"Pops, I really don't see how this is supposed to be training!" Ranma yelled, sounding incredibly panicked. He tried to grab his clothes and run away, but his father was still much, much too fast for him and into the pit he went.

"This time you shall get it!" Genma roared.

Ranma landed on the pit and gulped nervously. He could already hear them. Skulking about. Making cat noises. This time he could see right away, and this time he turned around to see - the blue haired one with her leg raised behind the back of her head, running her tongue from thigh to ankle. She looked at him for a moment. Ranma gulped. Then she turned around and kept right on doing what she was doing, as if deliberately ignoring him.

"Eh? Not hungry today?" Ranma sighed in relief. "Thank goodness!" Now, where were the other two? A faint noise caught his attention, and sure enough he found the purple haired catgirl scratching her claws up against the side of the pit. Her body was stretched out, her back arched as though she were hanging on for dear life, and her butt was swaying back and forth as she scratched. She noticed his attention, stuck out her tongue and then continued scratching.

As for the pigtailed catgirl, she was curled up in a ball, feigning sleep in the corner. Due to their positions in the pit they made an equilateral triangle with Ranma square in the middle. All three were ignoring him. Not that he minded. No sir! Not after the weird things they had put him through of late!

... Damn his pride anyway!

"Hey! Why the hell are you guys ignoring me?!" Ranma demanded. "Look, I've even got yummy fishcakes! Mmm, yummy fishcakes! Get 'em while they're strapped to a hot boy!"

"Rarrr... It's not food we're hungry forrrrr!" the blue hailed catgirl purred. She stopped licking herself and got up onto all fours, wagging her tail around at him. "Be a good husband."

Ranma blushed and turned away, only to find that the purple haired cat was making much the same motion, thrusting her leotard clad ass in his direction. "Be good master!"

"And if you don't have it in you to be either of those things?" asked the last catgirl, the one with a pigtail just like his. She uncurled from her sleeping posture and rose to her full height, easily standing on two legs. "Then I'll have to do it for you. Nya!"

Ranma blinked and stared out into the pit. Was it his imagination or were there more eyes shining in the darkness? "Meowster!" he heard. "Dyaaarling!" he heard from a different voice, coming from a different direction. "Meowster!" mewled the same voice as the first, but from yet again another direction. It took Ranma a while to realise, to notice what was happening. There were more of them. More of the blue and purple haired catgirls, crawling seductively on all fours from out of the pit. There was something in their eyes that stopped him cold, made it so hard for him to do anything. To move, to speak, to even think!

But then he had the thought! He grabbed for the fishcake around his neck. Except it was gone! In its place was a leotard, and on his hands were furred gloves. Panic rising in his throat, Ranma reached up to his head and found a pair of cat ears, then felt something swishing around his legs. A tail! He'd been turned into a catboy without him even noticing! He clasped his cheeks and screamed to the heavens -

Then sat up in bed drenched in a cold sweat. Weird! It felt like he'd just had a bad dream, but he couldn't remember what was in it at all! On the other hand he was also sporting some serious morning wood, so it couldn't have been that unpleasant. Oh well. It probably wasn't anything major. Ranma sighed, and completely failed to notice that it came out sounding like "Meow."


	12. A Meow-mentous Occasion

A new day for the Anti-Ranma club. A time of planning, of tactics, where the collected group all united for the common goal of getting rid of the man standing in the way of their OTP and/or Waifu.

As he had been the President of the Occult Club, reborn as the Anti-Ranma club the task of leading these people in the club fell to Hikaru Gosunkugi. For one unsuited to leadership such as himself, the task was quite similar to the idiom "herding cats."

However, stepping into the clubroom he found the idiom had become literal.

Cats, lots of them, in carriers and on leashes and being held by club members. A veritable cavalcade of kitties. A cat-alcade, perhaps? Gosunkugi winced, suddenly realising that his immediate future would be beset by cat puns as far as the eye could see.

And there, in the center of the mob of club members, directing them in every which direction, was Alice.

"Ah! President!" Alice said, _"How are you feline?"_ Now, Gousunkugi was not able to complain about that pun not working in Japanese because, being the product of American Otaku, Alice had made that pun in English.

Thanks to his tragic fate of having learned English to better read occult books he understood the pun. If he had been shot in the chest, he wouldn't have recoiled from more damage.

"I'm fine, thank you."

"Good then you can help meowt!" That one was in Japanese, and it hurt. So very much.

"W-what are you doing?" He finally willed himself to ask.

"Nya'm glad you asked!" Alice said, and a club member set a 50 Yen coin in a accurately labeled 'Pun Jar.' "You see, this is about the trap for Ranma!"

"...the trap?" Gosunkugi said.

"To ensure he keeps his paws off Akane!" Alice said, ignoring the sobs from her supposed superior. "You see, Ranma's a big time cat lover, remember, we discovered that?" Not giving him time to answer she continued, "Well, like, what better way to lure in a Cat Lover then to drown him in pussy!"

"Err, the way you put that… no… kitten?"

A stony silence, "President that was terrible, leave the jokes to the purrfessionals."

The grim reaper set his hand upon Gosunkugi's shoulder. The young boy turned back to look into the skeletal eyes of death itself, the spectre's features pale, gaunt and ancient. It shook its head sadly, then retreated to leave him. Alone. To face yet more puns. The cruel bastard.

"So… what happens once we get Saotome around the cats?" He asked.

A silence, Alice tapped her finger on her chin. "Hmm…. don't know yet! We've been pro-cats-inating on that part."

"YOU DIDN'T THINK THAT FAR AHEAD YOU MORON!?" Is what someone with strength of will would say. But, sadly, there was no such thing in Gosunkugi's body. They would then continue with "YOU SPENT ALL YOUR TIME THINKING UP THESE PUNS DIDN'T YOU?!" but alas, no such strength of character could be found in stock here. So instead he just fidgeted a little and said, "So…. err.. Where's Kyoko?"

"Out Meowdering her nose." Alice answered, and that was it. Gosunkugi just curled up into the middle of his clubroom, waiting for death. "Oh, come on Prez! Why do you have tabby this way?"

* * *

Meanwhile, thanks to a series of circumstances involving the chemistry club, Shampoo, Hiroshi+Daisuke, and a half eaten lunch box; Ranma was a girl again on the school grounds. Not in the mood to walk home as a girl, Ranma was figuring out which men's restroom was unoccupied to sneak in and get some hot water. Heading over to one, a girl walked out just in time to have them collide.

"Oofff I'm sorry…. **Pigtailed Girl!?"**

Ranma looked up at the girl she had bumped into. Pale, long hair in hime cut, glasses. Oh yeah, she was one of the photo taking chicks. "Please don't call me that too." She grumbled, "It might summon Kuno."

Kyoko coughed, "Yes, I'm sorry, I understand how one such as yourself would not desire the attentions of that boorish upperclassman." She looked down at Ranma, "Err… what is your name?"

"...Ranma Saotome." Ranma said. "I mean, I did announce it in front of the school when I subbed for Akane in that Gymnastics Match."

"D-did you? I'm not much of a fan of Rhythmic Gymnastic and when Miss Tendo wasn't the one going I saw no reason to go…" She stopped her nervous babbling, "Err, wait, you share the name with that boy Ranma?"

Ranma considered this question. Perhaps she should have thought up some alias for her female form, but honestly that seemed like too much effort plus she might have forgotten it and answered to something completely wrong. So she decided to answer in the most straightforward cover she could think of. "We're siblings. That's what our old man named us."

"Ranma. And… Ranma?" Kyoko asked. "...why did your father do something so silly as give you both the same name?"

"If you met my old man, you wouldn't ask that." Ranma said. Like all the best lies it had enough elements of truth to it. In the unlikely event she met pops, it would convince her completely. "I don't advise meeting my old man, by the way. He's such an idiot that he might leave you dumber for having spoken with him."

Well that explained her brother, was Kyoko's main thought. "We-well what brings you here today?" She asked, feeling a little twitchy. After all, this was **her.** The perfect mate for Akane Tendo! Kyoko's idol, winning the heart of the goddess! When Ranma just shrugged she decided that wasn't the line of dialogue to go with, "R-right then. I'll just… be off!" Damn her nerves! "I'm the Vice-President of the Ant- Occult Club. Busy busy."

Occult club? "Wait, you know magic?"

"A bit!" Kyoko admitted proudly, "Why, I… uh… just last week I successfully cast a curse!" To give Alice a rash. All she had to do was exploit a peanut allergy! That counted because she didn't even know about it until afterwards!

"So you know stuff about curses!?" Ranma was immediately in her face, eyes suddenly wide with excitement. Maybe this girl knew something about the curse she was under!

Kyoko's face was reddening, and her heart was pounding. This.. this was such an opportunity! The pigtailed gir- Female Ranma (Note to self; convince the President to rename the club "Anti Male-Ranma Club") was interested in something she was interested in! This was a way through! All she had to do was make friends with her, then get her to convince Akane to come over and then.. And then… and then she could finally execute her master plan! (She refused to call it "Operation: OTP" like Alice called hers).

It should be noted that Kyoko's master plan is basically "Stuff Ranma full of aphrodisiacs she happened to have lying around, lock in closet with Akane. Film through window." How exactly she would get two highly trained (and super sexy) martial artists into the same closet together against their will was a missing step, but sometimes the simple plans work out without knowing the details in advance.

"S-so you want to see our club?" Kyoko asked.

"Sure!" If this weirdo stalker had a cure Ranma would let her take all the weird photos she wanted!

"G-great. A-always looking for new members! Just… wait… here… while I tell them you're coming." Koyko said, before leaving behind a dust cloud.

* * *

"Honestly President, meow long are you going to lay there?" Alice asked. By this point the pun jar had to be replaced.

Then the door exploded open, "THE PIGTAILED GIRL IS COMING!" Kyoko shouted. Her faction of the club gasped, Alice's faction booed, the OT3 faction wished Shampoo was coming too and Gosunkugi's faction wondered if they'd be able to ask her out.

"Pigtailed girl?" Kuno stuck his head into the club, somebody threw Pun Jar 1 at him, "I see she is not here." Kuno said, ignoring the new lump on his head and leaving.

"L-listen, I know there may be factions… in the club. But no matter what, this girl hangs out with Akane Tendo! Without getting beat up by her!"

"Well not too much." Alice said, recalling a time she had seen girl-type Ranma getting hit in the face with a ball after a comment on the state of Akane's legs while P.E was playing soccer. What was she doing there anyways?

"Now, I know that not everybody here is actually interested in the original form of the Occult Club." A pointed glance at Alice, "But she, and err turns out she's Ranma's sister and they have the same name, is coming and she thinks it's the occult club. Sooo… all of you get out the cover we set up for when Teachers come to investigate!"

So in a flash, the various members of the club pulled out long black cloaks and lit candles in front of them. Except for, of course, the three club members with names.

"Oy this the place?" And just in time, because enter Ranma Saotome (girl).

"Hello Ranma!" Kyoko said, "Welcome to the Occult Club!"

Ranma looked around, and well the most obvious thing was. "What's with the cats?"

"Oh they're for catching-" Alice began, but elbow to the side.

"We're trying to make them our arcane familiars." Kyoko said. Ranma had no idea what that meant but it sounded mystical so she let it slide.

"Well that sounds kinda neat." Ranma said, "So… Kyoko?"

"Yes!"

"Alice?"

"Huh you know me too?"

"And… uh… err…. Um…"

"I'm in your brother's class!" Gosunkugi said, tears building up in his eyes.

"Don't worry about it Ranma." Kyoko said, impressed that she managed to say the name without spitting this time, "I've been his next door neighbor our entire life and I still can't remember the President's name."

"Is that why you call me 'President'!?"

Several cats got away from the club members, gathering around the person most interesting to them. "Hello there cats." Ranma said, giving a smile and scratching the close one behind the ears.

"You like cats Ranma?" Alice asked.

"I've been coming around to them lately." Ranma said, the sensation of two leotard clad kitties pressing against her body sliding through her memory.

"That's wonderful. I love cats, I have three at home."

"They familiars?" Ranma asked, whatever those are.

"Err, no, mother won't let me. Says something about me having graduated middle school already…" Kyoko mumbled.

"Huh." Ranma said, her eyes falling over the cats. So many cats. So many cute fiancees and girls and slaves. Her eyes started to droop. "Akane likes cats. Dunno about Shampoo."

"...what is your relationship with them!?" Alice said, "In particular, Pigtailed Girl, does Shampoo call Akane Onee-sama in private!?"

"...nah still just Lady. Shampoo's gotta listen to us, it's the rules~" Ranma said, sitting down and letting the cats start crawling on her. "Man you kitties are sooo cute!"

"...Kyoko did you slip her anything?" Gosunkugi finally asked.

"No! R-Ranma, what do you think of Akane?"

"..uncute. Thick thighs." Ranma muttered, "Can't punch. She keeps wearing stuff that makes me stare at her, not cause she's good looking or anything it's just so brazen and..."

"Oh my god. She's trying for a Tsundere act!" Alice said, "Deviant! A perfect counterpoint to Shampoo's Yuri Knight in service!"

"What nonsense are you saying now?" Kyoko asked.

"...and it was Shampoo who made me cum when I got the massage."

….all three turned to look at her. Dazed and petting the cats.

"Did… did I hear that right?" Kyoko said.

"Th-that can't be right!" Alice said, "Ranma! Pigtailed girl! M-massage!?"

"Meow!" Ranma said.

"...that wasn't even a pun." Gosunkugi said.

The cats happily pulled away from Ranma, who herself got up, sort of. She "stood" up on all fours. Her head lifted up, and there was bright and cheery smile on her face. Her eyes… well they were not quite empty, but not quite possessed of full human intelligence either. "Meow!" She said again.

* * *

"And that why Shampoo ask if Lady Akane can get some lunch for Shampoo once we leave school." Shampoo said.

Hiroshi and Daisuke bowed, "We're sorry!"

Akane facepalmed, "Fine Shampoo we'll stop at WcDonalds once Ranma comes back from the restroom, and I accept your apology."

Shampoo brightened up and knowing that they would leave Ranma's perverted friends decided now was a good time to head home.

Right then. Overall a day at school that hadn't been **too** difficult. Chalk that up in the win column. A day without catastrophe.

"That's another pun!?"

"Don't stop running you stupid ditz!"

"Did you just call me a ditz because I'm blond!?"

"I called you ditz because you're an idiot!"

Akane and Shampoo looked over to see the source of the panicked screams and arguments. Somehow, both of them sensing that they were about to be drawn into it.

"Aw... Shampoo want to get home and practise with Lady Akane..." Shampoo sighed.

"We can spar later. There's plenty of time."

"That not what Shampoo mean..."

The trio, meanwhile, hit a rock and tripped in a massive pile in front of the two. Landing a short distance from Akane and Shampoo. Pulling up to their feet Alice and Kyoko pushed Gosunkugi in front of them.

"W-what are you two doing?!" Gosunkugi said.

"You're a man, aren't you?" Alice asked.

"Protect us!" Kyoko added.

"Wow, sexist much?" Akane mused. "He's a man so he's got to be able to defend the weak girls? That stereotype is as harmful to men as it is to -"

"Meow!" In a flash the monster they had been running from was there, and without any effort literally backhanded Gosunkugi away into the distance. Thus proving Akane's point in a literal sense. She, still on all fours, approached the trembling duo.

"Ranma?" Akane asked, staring with some disbelief. It was indeed Ranma, meowing and walking forward like… like…

"Kitty Master!" Shampoo was, in flash, in front of Ranma. "Oh she look so cute!" She sat down next to Ranma and immediately began scratching her head.

Alice and Kyoko stared as Ranma began purring and snuggling up to Shampoo.

"Good kitty." Shampoo said, stroking Ranma's hair.

"Err, Shampoo, that's Ranma." Akane said.

"Yes Shampoo see that."

"He's acting like a cat." Akane said.

"Yes Shampoo see that, it cute game no?" Shampoo said.

"Game!?" Kyoko was in a flash up in Shampoo's face, "That… that… she started acting weird!"

"Also saying really weird stuff. Miss Tendo! Did you ever give her a massage?!" Alice asked. Then pulled out a notebook. "If so, please describe it to us in as much lurid detail as you can. Reenact it if you must!"

"...what exactly did Ranma say you to you people?" Akane asked, feeling her face lose all color.

"She just started babbling on about cats and then putting on a tsundere act and- I may have imagined the last part so I won't say it aloud until I get confirmation!"

"Will you not bother Akane Tendo of all people?!" Kyoko said, "We need to fix the good Ranma before she-"

"Meow." Ranma popped her head up, still being stroked by Shampoo. Akane recognized the gleam in her eyes, it was one that had been on her sister many times. Mischief was afoot. She lazily swiped at the two girls. They shrieked, but then nothing happened.

"...huh. She missed us!" Kyoko said.

"Don't say things like that it just triggers the wrong event." Alice said. Then, actually confirming her right their clothing fell off, having been separated into ribbons of fabric.

The two girls looked down, looking around and noticed that there were no men around. (Anybody with sense bar Akane and Shampoo had long left the area). They glanced over at Akane, who was gawking at them a little.

"Oh no! I've been stripped naked in front of Akane Tendo!" Kyoko said, making no effort to cover herself and in fact Akane noticed that she had shifted her stance to show off more of her body to her.

"... Please save me, Akane!" Alice added, and at that cue the two ran towards her. Akane was beginning to think she was not the only girl interested in other girls at Furinkan High, if still the only sane one.

Before the two could reach Akane, Ranma was up and crouched in front of Akane. She no longer looked playful, her hackles were up and she was making a low hiss.

"I- I think she doesn't want us near Akane…" Alice said.

"C-clearly even if she's gone mad she recognizes such perfection, Shampoo would never do that I bet." Kyoko said.

"E-excuse me! Shampoo would, even if her mind body and heart were obliterated by an extradimensional super enemy trying to stop humanity's evolution still be loyal to Akane!"

"...Shampoo, are they arguing over whether Ranma or you are the best to be involved with me romantically."

"That sound like the case Lady Akane." Shampoo said, "Is silly argument. Akane with Master, and Shampoo serve." In a flash Shampoo had pushed two spare Furinkan uniforms over the arguing shippers heads. "OK! Weird club girls go now. Lady Akane deal with Kitty."

"Where did you get those?" Kyoko asked, but Alice elbowed her in the side.

"You never ask that sort of question." Alice hissed. "Thank you Shampoo, we'll be going now!"

"W-wait I want to see how… don't drag me you too tall crazy girl!"

And so the Anti-Ranma Club's plans ended in failure, but don't worry, they'll be back. Someday, with perhaps even more annoying members.

* * *

And now, a look into the mind of Ranma Saotome at the moment. It was simple, there had been some fun people to play with. But then there was Shampoo! Ranma knew she'd always be there to provide good scratchings and play with the toys, which was great.

But more importantly, Akane! Ranma immediately had smelled the two other girls lust for her woman. Which meant that like any good cat she had to defend her territory. So with them scared off, she made a decision.

"Ranma! Ack! Get off me!"

Rub as much as her scent on her women as possible to make sure everybody knew who they belonged to. Oh yes rub against Akane's amazing body. Oh yeah better get Shampoo too. Nobody had tried to take Shampoo yet but Ranma knew it was only a matter of time before some idiot tom decided to try and lure her away.

"R-ranma don't stick your head down there!"

"Wow, Master normally no do that with Lady Akane in public."

"O-Or in private! Or anywhere!"

Akane sounded stressed, for whatever reason. In Ranma's mind. Stress was caused by either lack of food, a dirty coat, or the presence of idiots. Idiots were not present. Therefore she was either hungry or her coat was dirty. She lapped out her tongue.

"R-Ranma!? Stop licking my legs!" Aha it was working! She could already hear less stress in her voice!

"Yes lick further up Master!" Shampoo cheered her on, yes clearly Shampoo was in agreement that Akane needed a good cleaning.

"Shampoo!?"

"What? It about time sexual tension between Master and Lady Akane be dealt with."

Ranma, meanwhile, had managed to successfully stick her head up Akane's shirt. There was some other cloth in the way, but a quick bite and tug and…

"My bra! Ranma get my bra out of your mouuuuutthhhhh!"

Oh yeah this is where she'd suckle Ranma's kittens once they were ready to have some. She'd have to get her dick back first though, and as a cat Ranma couldn't remember how to do that.

"Ah-ha! Could it be!? The Cat-Fist, in it's full power without it's weaknesses?"

"Panda-Father here now?"

"M-Mr. Saotome!? It's not what it looks like!"

"Kitty Master cleaning Akane but because she be acting like cute kitty not realizing sexual element?"

"...OK, so it's exactly what it looks like." If someone could find her a nice hole to curl up in, that would be wonderful. (It should be noted that Ranma did, in fact, recognize the sexual element as a cat, and if she had her way would be _having her way_ with both Akane and Shampoo within the hour.)

"I heard from a creepy sounding boy calling the dojo about a girl acting like a cat, so I had to see!" Genma said, tears of pride falling from his eyes. "To think, you cured Ranma of his weakness but kept his strength!"

"Meeeooooow!" Ranma mewled, then began licking Akane's nipple.

"It makes a father proud!" Genma said.

"Wait. This Cat Fist? Shampoo thought Master being silly." Shampoo said.

"Indeed, the power of the cat-fist, becoming like a cat and fighting like one!

"This feels really good but I'm out in public..." Akane moaned, beginning the process of going cat-atonic. Back in the clubroom, another fifty yen coin was put on top of the jar. It was too full by now to fit the coin inside. "I should be stopping this. Ri-right?" Akane asked. Ranma, in response, stuck a paw down her skirt. "Ehehehehehheh..." Akane sighed.

"...but cats flighty. If want to act like predator, would not wolf or lion be better? Why domestic cat?"

Genma shrugged, "Don't ask me!"

"...right. Shampoo forgot. It technique only idiot try and teach."

Ranma stopped in her cleaning and preparation for a moment. Her other mate was not involved. That had to be remedied. Also, there was an idiot now.

"Oh, now Master look at Shampoo with too too hungry eyes. Here kitty Master. Shampoo want pet! Too too cute!"

"Son! You must stay loyal to your fianceeeeeee!" Genma did not enjoy the next five seconds as Ranma got rid of the stress he was causing. Nor did he enjoy being batted off, landing in the pool, and the swim club wondering why a panda covered in scratches was now in their way.

"Sh-Shampoo!" Akane stood up, her face flushed, her clothing ruffled, the torn remains of her bra falling to the ground. "We need to get Ranma out of here before he does something to us in public!"

Ah, in other words in private was OK. Shampoo nodded, "Right, where take Kitty Master?" Shampoo looked around the school grounds. "Ah, sports supply shed?"

Well that was cliche as hell, but Akane couldn't think of a better option. "Come on Ranma!" She said in a faux cheerful tone.

"Come play with us Master!" Shampoo said, the two girls frolicking towards the shed. "Forever and ever!"

Oh! Were they in the mood for games now! Sounded fun! "Meow!" Ranma bounded up, chasing after them, dashing up between their legs and rubbing herself up against them. The two girls dashed away, giggling. Akane's giggles sounded a little forced though.

* * *

The door to the supply shed was shut, and Akane noticed it had a lock from the inside. And all the supply equipment was up against the walls bar a gymnastic mat in the middle.

Had they just given up and accepted this building would be used for hanky-panky or something? No, no. couldn't be... Were those scented candles on top of that box? Ranma jumped up and sniffed at them. They were!

"Right then. We just… got to wait for Ranma to calm down." Akane said.

Shampoo wondered if Akane was being naive or just in denial. "With way Master come at Lady Akane it clear he want more then snuggles."

Ranma, meanwhile, had realized something. Her women had taken her to this secluded spot. Perhaps to discourage other toms! Of course! Clearly they were ready for serious play. So she swiped at them, thus removing those pesky clothes.

"Eek!" Akane shrieks. While Shampoo inhales and puffs out her chest, proud of her master's assets. "Oh come on Shampoo! Can't you, I don't know, react a little?"

"Shampoo bathe with Master every day. Has brought Master to orgasm once. Will likely be doing it more today. Why hide body by this point?

"Meow," Ranma seductively intoned, licking her lips and lowering herself into a pouncing position on the mat. Keeping herself and her head low, lifting her rear up into the air and wiggling it around while giving the two girls bedroom eyes. "Nyaaaa!"

Akane sighed, "Well at least since he's a girl there isn't any risk of pregnancy today."

"Oh right. Shampoo should probably mention that Kasumi been putting birth control pills in Akane's food."

Akane twitched a little at that. She kind of wished she'd known that about a week ago - What was she thinking, no way was that the case! Maybe a little touching, sure. Handjob? Well yeah Akane could go for that. Maybe making Shampoo do it while Akane watched, sounded good… but n-no way Akane was ready for full blown sex with Ran-

"Meow!" Ranma leaped up, and putting her hands on Akane's shoulders dragged Akane down onto the mat. Then she leaned down and pushed her tongue into Akane's mouth. Sure, this isn't something a cat would do, but Ranma was still a human who just thought she was a cat. Akane instinctively grabbed hold of Ranma's shoulders and gave a sharp, hard push - which only resulted in the two of them switching positions because of Ranma's grip on Akane's shoulders keeping them together.

"Ugh?" Akane thought. This was going a little too fast! She needed to get away and then try to calm Ranma down. Or Ranma could purr into her mouth and make Akane's thought process grind to a slow walk.

Ranma's hips grinded up against Akane's, her pants rubbing against Akane's bare skin. "Ammm aahh gu!" Akane managed to break off the kiss, but Ranma just started licking down her neck and was very quickly reaching her chest. "S-Shampoo!"

"Yes Lady Akane?"

"Get these clothes off her!" Akane shouted, this was not fair! If they had to be naked then Ranma was going to be naked too!

Shampoo, of course, had been watching intently, smiling at the pure and noble love her Masters had. With that order, she knew that to get Ranma naked would be difficult with her all tangled up with Akane… that's when she noticed the shredded remains of her own clothing, shrugged and grabbed the back of Ranma's shirt and pants.

There was a very loud tearing sound, and Ranma was now just as naked as the two girls.

"Ugh... we're all going to need new clothes after this!" Akane said.

"No worry, wardrobe department fix that offscreen - Shampoo means, Shampoo already have replacement clothing ready as she is good prepared slave!" There. That should neatly avoid breaking any walls unnecessarily.

Any complaints about that were removed by the sensation of Ranma's breasts pushed up against Akane's. The mewling girl was humping up against Akane's leg, both of their breaths increasing. Akane glanced over at Shampoo, still watching. Still not acting. Just like with the massage, any thoughts about Shampoo's agency seemed to vanish. She was the slave and so, "Shampoo, clean between Ranma's legs. With your tongue."

Shampoo heard the commanding tone. The time to have fun with Lady Akane had vanished, time to serve. She kneeled down behind Ranma, still grinding against Akane's leg. Her tongue went out, and like a good slave went straight for what Akane meant. Starting with Ranma's outer lips, she mewled in shock.

Akane immediately went on the offensive herself, pulling Ranma up and biting down lightly on her breasts. Nibbling and tugging, her hands gripping Ranma's butt. In a flash the cat-girl had gone from being the aggressor to the one being aggressed on, sandwiched between her two women. Her hips bucked, grinding her pussy (another coin was dropped into the Pun Jar) into Shampoo's face, while her breasts wanted to bounce but Akane's toying kept them from being free.

"Nyaaaaaa!" Ranma cheered with great enthusiasm. Yay! They had stopped playing around and were finally getting down to mating with her! "Nyaaaaaaaa!" With a happy meow she came! Surely this meant kittens!

Now limp and recovering, Akane kissed Ranma on the forehead. She peered down over her fiancee's shoulder to Shampoo, who had pulled away and where her face had been clearly showing. "Right, your turn now." Akane said, gently setting Ranma down. Ranma looked up, still recovering from the orgasm but her kitty mind wondering what Akane was doing.

"Mmm... Is good to see Lady Akane take what she want." Shampoo said, "Lady Akane strong in spirit.

"Yes. Yes it is." Akane said, and at those words one hand grabbed Shampoo's breast. "You know, I've been wondering."

"Ah…" Shampoo gasped, eye widening a little.

Akane's hand trailed down Shampoo's side. "You've always been like this. Always so… seductive. How much of it though is you just doing what you think is what you have to? You've convinced yourself you have to be a slave." She brushed against Shampoo's navel. "So, the question is, are you enjoying yourself, or pushing yourself to do this because you believe you need to obey us?"

Her hand stopped just above Shampoo's pubic hair, brushing lightly against the edge.

"It… it matter? Shampoo fail. She fail at being warrior. Make penance by being slave to those who defeat her."

Akane didn't know why, but a cruel thought came to her. "I suppose deep down it doesn't, you'd do what we want whether or not you enjoy it. And you would gladly let me do it. Buttt…"

Her fingers slipped into Shampoo's wet folds.

"You are enjoying it." Akane said, "You've been loving this."

"Y-yes…" Shampoo admitted, Akane's hands pistoned up and down. "Shampoo… Shampoo been happier being slave then ever being warrior."

Ranma shot up, Akane was trying to mate with Shampoo! Silly girl. Only a manly tomcat like her could breed with a fine female like Shampoo! "Meow!"

"And I'll admit it, I like being in charge of you!" Akane said, "Both of us get such a thrill out of it. It's nice to have someone who will listen to you unconditionally and do whatever you want." She roughly squeezed Shampoo's breast, adding a third finger to her pumping. "It's funny. With this body you might have even been able to seduce Ranma away from me. But you don't want to, do you?" Akane said, "All you had to do was play the good slave, and not get me involved."

Ranma, of course, had no idea what they were talking about. She was circling them, trying to find a good spot to mount Shampoo.

"Ah… perhaps…' Shampoo admitted, unable to really stand anymore. "Laws… ohh… more complex. If Shampoo… Shampoo could train in secret, challenge Master for freedom…"

"But you didn't try to do that. You went straight to slavery." Akane said, honestly a little surprised herself, "Why?"

"Oh… Sham… Shampoo hate life back there. No friends, stupid boy no leave Shampoo alone. All have is pride in ancient laws… Shampoo.. Ohhhh…" Shampoo bent down a little, her legs shaking.

Ah! There we go! She was presenting herself to her! With a meow Ranma jumped onto Shampoo's back and immediately began humping her rear. Grinding her chest against Shampoo's back, this if anything made the chinese girl buckle and moan more.

"To… too late for Shampoo though. Law with slavery. Shampoo… if Shampoo submit to Master totally, then Shampoo show she no want freedom. Slave for life."

"So when you gave Ranma that boob job…?"

"Yes! Yes!" Shampoo shouted, her body shaking, "When Shampoo do that, it mean that she lose any chance of freedom! And Shampoo happy for it!" Ranma, meanwhile, had managed to get herself up to her own orgasm by grinding up against Shampoo.  
Both girls collapsed… straight onto each Akane.

"Wow…" Akane breathed, appreciating the feeling of the two warm beauties on top of her. "So… you've been expecting us to use you sexually the entire time."

"Oh only Master Ranma." Shampoo admitted, "Shampoo have no idea Akane like girls. Hell, Shampoo no know Shampoo like girls. Maybe Shampoo just get turned on by being used by Akane even if straight."

Well Akane didn't really know how to take that.

"M….nnnn What's going on?" Ranma lifted her head up, blinking. "We're… huh?" Why were they naked! And smelled like… like… ahhhhhh!

"Ah, Master think he human again." Shampoo said.

"Hello Ranma. Long story short your dad's an idiot and didn't tell us everything about the Cat-Fist. So even if you're not afraid of cats you still start acting like one… somehow. Sometimes. So we took you to the sports supply shed where we could be alone. Then we had this threesome and I learned that I'm on birth control. Also, by having sex with us Shampoo gave up any chance she ever had of earning freedom and is loving that fact."

"...what?" Ranma said.

"Shampoo like being slave more than being free." Shampoo said.

"We had a threesome?!"

"Yes Master. Lady Akane explain that." Shampoo said that.

"But why!?" Ranma's voice was getting higher pitched.

"Because you were a very horny kitty and honestly Ranma, I was tired of waiting for you to man up." Akane said. "We're engaged, we're young, and we have a slave we can use whatever way she want and she'll love it, why aren't we doing torrid kinky sex every night?"

"Because we're not that depraved?" Ranma said this blatant falsehood.

"Torrid Kinky Sex get old if not spaced out properly Lady Akane."

"Okay, okay! Torrid Kinky Sex once every two weeks!"

"Still not that depraved," Ranma continued lying.

"Anyways." Akane said, smiling really cutely. "I do like you Ranma, and we should try and, I dunno, make this weird fucked up relationship work."

"Shampoo OK with however you decide to make it work. If want to go wild sexually and make Shampoo watch unable to touch self. Or punish Shampoo for being bad girl with spankings or toys. Or tie Shampoo up and leave her alone for hours-"

"H-Hey now! What kind of boy do you think I am!"

"For one thing you're a girl right now. For another thing Shampoo wants to be treated that way so let's make her happy!"

Shampoo turned around as if presenting her rear, bending over slightly so that she was touching her knees. To say the sight was captivating did it no justice. Ranma lifted his hand as though he were entranced.

"Shampoo been bad girl," she said. "Encourage kitty Ranma to have wild threesome that Ranma no remember."

Ranma's face reddened, "Err… uh…" Slowly she reached up and very lightly bopped her rear. "Uh, bad girl."

"...it do for now." Shampoo sighed.

"Nuh uh! No way! You're not getting off that easily!" Akane yelled, grabbing hold of Ranma's wrist. "This is how you spank someone, dummy!"

Whap! The handprint left behind on Shampoo's rear was quite captivating, but not as captivating as her moan of pleasure.

* * *

"Wow Shampoo, bringing exact copies of our torn clothing. You think way far ahead." Ranma commented, the three finally out of the shed.

"Always prepared." Shampoo said, putting some plaster on wall of the shed that had been damaged a little in the previous events.

"Well, I'm glad we finally resolved all that annoying tension." Akane said, "I mean, things have to be smooth sailing from now on right?"

Shampoo's head snapped over to Akane. "Lady Akane. Why you say something so stupid?"

Akane scowled, "Did you just call me stupid? That's it, when we get home you're going to have to eat dinner out of a dog dish!"

"As fun as that sounds Shampoo can't take that back. Saying fate tempting words like that is bad idea Lady Akane."

"...you're getting into this way too fast." Ranma said. "Plus, I mean, come on Shampoo. The worst we have to deal with is Kuno." And Ranma could handle that idiot with one hand behind his back, and the other being used to eat lunch! Akane was probably right, things were going to be much easier from now on.

* * *

The waves beat against the shore. None were there to see the man in the rowboat reaching the rocky beach.

"So this is Japan." The man who had been in the boat mused. Reaching into his long robes he pulled out a picture. "Now then..." He reached into his robes again and pulled out his glasses.

It was a picture of a dog.

"Oops, wrong photo." He put it back and pulled out a different one. This one showed three beings in it. A panda, and more importantly a girl in a gi with her hair in a pigtail, dodging a chui slammed into the ground where she had just been standing by the other girl, her long hair splashing out wildly.

"Shampoo…" Mousse of the Joketsuzoku said, "You've been gone for far too long. But don't worry! I'll help you regain your pride, I'll help you defeat Ranma!"

Yes, and then once she had fulfilled the Kiss of Death, surely she'd be so overcome with emotion she'd finally allow the love she surely shared with Mousse to come out!

Akane would later regret saying that things would be smooth sailing. She wouldn't regret telling Kasumi that Shampoo wasn't very hungry and later making her eat her out of a dog bowl though. Shampoo wouldn't regret that either.


	13. Preparations for War

It was a pleasant Saturday afternoon. One looking out upon the Tendo household's backyard would see Ranma. Sitting at the edge of the koi pond, enjoying the sun and cool breeze.

After a few minutes one would see Shampoo head out. She was wearing a gi, and sat down next to Ranma. The two had a conversation, but it couldn't be heard from the observers distance. After three minutes of sitting, Ranma stood up. He held down his hand and helped Shampoo up. Any observer would be able to see the affection in such a gesture, and the two headed off into the dojo.

Which is why the observer, Soun Tendo, was twitching at the sight of the two. "Kasumi?"

"Yes Father?" Kasumi said, setting down a cup of tea next to him.

"It's not my imagination, is it? Ranma is spending a lot of time with the pretty girl devoted to obeying his every whim?" Soun said. "More and more time, the two seem awfully close…" He twitched again, "You don't think the boy… might take advantage of the situation?"

"I'm sure Ranma wouldn't do anything Akane would not approve of." Kasumi said happily.

Somehow that didn't reassure Soun. After all, Akane wouldn't be able to disapprove if she didn't know. Who knew what deviance they were getting up to behind closed doors! He could picture it now, Ranma finally giving into the temptress,and then Akane walking in! He almost wept for the future of the engagement if this was allowed to continue!

* * *

Ranma ducked under a punch that, having seen it happen before, could go through concrete. Shampoo had gotten faster recently, and her arms and legs were basically invisible to most people from one movement to the next. A kick flew through the air, but this time Ranma held up his arm, blocking the blow.

Shampoo's eyes widened with the realization that she had lost a mere second before Ranma used that block to grab Shampoo by the leg, pull her down and with a spin pin her to the ground. His arms holding down hers and his legs straddling her waist.

"Ah, you're still too good Master." Shampoo said, her face red from the exersition, her chest was heaving with heavy breaths.

"Hey, don't sell yourself short, you've gotten better too." Ranma said, still keeping her held down.

"Lady Akane makes a good sparring partner." Shampoo said. "Well, you won, according to Lady Akane that means you get the prize."

"What sort of weird games do you two play in the dojo?" Ranma asked.

"Nothing _weird_ Master." Shampoo said, "Lady Akane simply gets more practice when I win."

Right, Ranma was pretty sure that "practice" meant something else for Akane and Shampoo. Especially with the way Shampoo's face got a little redder and her smile broadened. Clearly she enjoyed the "practice" in a different way than she enjoyed martial arts practice.

"Well if Master doesn't want to claim his victory I guess we can start another session…" Shampoo said, her lips slightly pursed. She had this expectant look in her eyes.

Ranma suddenly had an idea what Akane and Shampoo had been practicing. If that was really the case, then Shampoo was probably expecting him to… practice with her too. They were in the perfect position to do it as well, what with him on top of her and her lips barely inches from hers.

Slowly Ranma leaned down, Shampoo leaned her head up a little, eyes closing with anticipation. Not like this wasn't his first kiss, after all. Sure, the other times he had been a girl, but that wasn't much of a deal-breaker. His lips made contact with hers, and any thoughts and nervousness vanished. He lowered himself down further, not really trying to pin Shampoo down so much as simply enjoying laying on top of her. A moan from Shampoo's lips and she allowed his tongue in. One hand let go of her arm, snaking under the gi top. Showing Ranma there wasn't anything else under there. Her hips grinded against his, and his other hand began reaching down and-

"Ranma? Shampoo?"

Master and Slave looked up to see Mistress. Akane was in her gi at the Dojo entrance. "I thought you said you were coming in to spar with Ranma." Akane said, looking mildly amused.

Ranma jumped off Shampoo, his face red. "We, err, ah, were! It's just that, uh…"

"Master won, so he got the prize." Shampoo said, "Just like when we spar Lady Akane."

Akane's face reddened a bit. "You told him about that?"

"Wait, so every time Shampoo beats you in a sparring match she kisses you?" Ranma asked, the mental image not helping the swelling in his pants calm down.

A light bonk on the head, " **Just** a kiss." She said dryly, "We don't try and have sex in the middle of the dojo."

"Master's a man, they can't control it." Shampoo said, a sly smile on her face.

"True." Akane said, and the two girls sighed. "Aren't you glad you have me to help you keep it under control Ranma?" Akane asked, a matching grin.

Ranma rolled his eyes, "Right. So you jumping in? Shampoo be sure to show Akane no mercy and practice with her extra hard when you win."

Akane's face reddened, "T-that! You think I'm going to just make out with Shampoo for your amusement!"

"Nah, it's because you like it that way." Ranma said, casually ducking under Akane's kick. "Poor Shampoo, stuck obeying your perverted orders."

"Excuse me? Shampoo loves listening to me!" Akane said. "She'd never say no even if she- wait."

Their light bickering stopped, both turning to Shampoo. Who had pulled out a box of crackers while observing them. "Shampoo?" Akane asked, "If we told you to do something you didn't want would you do it?"

Shampoo swallowed her cracker. "Of course. I'm a slave. I obey." She said like she was describing her breathing.

Ranma frowned, "But what if we tell you something to do that you hate? Will you say no?"

"If I said no, that would mean I'm being a bad girl…" A strange smile popped up on Shampoo's face. "And Master would have to punish me if that's the case."

Akane groaned, "No, like, you really hate it. Like you'd rather do anything but it."

"But I can't just say no!" Shampoo said, "I mean, unless you want me to say no to punish me and…"

"We're not talking about some weird game Akane thought up." Ranma said, and Akane elbowed him. "Seriously Shampoo, I don't want to make you, uh, unhappy even if for some crazy reason you like being a slave."

Shampoo frowned, this topic suddenly feeling a bit more serious. "But-"

"I have an idea." Akane said, "I was, uh, doing some research…"

"Research, right." Ranma said, "And did you need a fake I.D to buy these research materials?"

"Shut up Ranma and let me finish. Shampoo, think of a word you're not going to use in casual conversation. If you're ever really uncomfortable and want to stop whatever we're doing or telling you to do, just say that word. It's called a Safe Word." Akane patted Shampoo's arm. "It's not you saying no but it will let us know that you really don't want to do this."

"How is that different than me just saying no?" Shampoo asked.

"Well, it means that you can pretend to say no if you want Akane to spank you or feed you out of a dog bowl again." Ranma said, "For whatever weird reason you two like that."

"You're the one who ordered her to do it naked."

"I was just telling her to do what you were thinking about!"

"OK!" Shampoo said. "Word to mean that I hate what's going on…" It did not take her long. "Mousse."

"Mousse?" Akane said.

"Yes. Mousse is this Safe Word, of course if you want me to keep doing whatever it is just tell me... " Shampoo said.

Ranma nodded, "OK then. Glad that's settled." Actually it made him feel a bit more at ease with the whole 'Master' thing if Shampoo would be willing to tell him she didn't like an order.

It meant, obviously, that whatever else he ordered her to do could be done guilt free!

"Come on, I want some practice now." Akane said.

"Which kind?" Ranma asked, "Ow! Where'd you get the shinai from?"

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Tendo living room, Soun had called his council of war.

The fact that his "Council" consisted of his lazy old friend and two daughters was immaterial.

"So what are we doing here?" Nabiki asked, "You called a family meeting, but what about Akane?"

"And Ranma." Kasumi said.

"The meeting is about them." Soun said seriously, "I think it best to leave them out of it." He folded his arms, for a brief moment looking like a grim and respected patriarch. "It's about our guest and the effect she may be having on our plans."

Genma snorted, "Honestly Tendo, you're still worried about that? The girl cured Ranma of his greatest weakness!"

"I've heard the rumors say he stripped Alice Rosario naked while thinking he was a cat, or rather he did as a girl." Nabiki said. "So everybody thinks the "Pigtailed girl" is some lesbian deviant now." She paused, "This is actually making people want to meet her more though."

"Details!" Genma said.

"Yes father, and Shampoo's been so helpful around the house. She makes half the meals you know, I've had more free time than ever."

"Yes and they are delicious, but haven't you noticed how she's always so eager to feed Ranma? She has these weird delusions about being his servant-"

"Slave. Shampoos says she's Ranma's property." Nabki said.

"Oh yes." Soun said, "That's even worse! He's a teenage boy, it's not a matter of if, but when his will will break and he'll take advantage of the situation. And then… when Akane finds out… the engagement is ruined!"

"Oh no. Our sister won't marry Ranma. What a tragedy." Nabiki said without any sincerity whatsoever.

"Not helping Nabiki." Soun said, "Now, I happened to get my hands on a Japanese translation of their society's laws."

"Yes?" Kasumi said, "We had that for a while, you could have just asked Shampoo…"

"She can't know. Now, this whole 'slave' thing is a bit more complex. It depends on the, err, the woman's height on their social totem-pole. Same with that Kiss of Death rule…"

"Didn't Shampoo say she was the best of her village?" Nabiki said.

"Yes which is why her "debt" is her entire life." Soun said, "But, there's a loophole, this debt can be transferred! All we need to do is find someone willing to challenge Ranma to a fight, beat Ranma, and then claim Shampoo's debt as the prize."

"You forgot that as Ranma's fiancee Akane owns half the debt too, according to Shampoo." Kasumi said.

"...well if they can beat Ranma they can beat Akane." Soun said, "And it just needs to be one match. So, Nabiki, Kasumi, the two of you keep an eye out of any martial artists with some talent. Once that happens myself and Saotome-"

"Why do I have to help?" Genma asked.

Soun's head seemed to grow blue and massive, smoke coming out of his yellow eyes and a forked tongue slithering around. _"Because if your son cheats on my daughter there will be hell to pay!"_

"Always glad to help Tendo!" Genma said.

"Once that happens myself and Saotome will give him a crash course in beating Ranma. All we need to do is teach him some cheap trick that will trip him up once, I assume you have a few such tricks in reserve Saotome?"

"Oh yes. Can't let the boy get too cocky yet." Genma said. "Course, the old 'Shove a cat in his face' one isn't an option anymore…"

"Excellent! You know any talented Martial Artists Nabiki? Kasumi?"

Nabiki thought for a moment about inflicting Kuno on Shampoo, but then remembered that Shampoo would probably murder her for attempting that. "Nope."

"Sorry Father me neither."

"Well, no matter, I'm sure somebody will come up." Soun stood up, "Come Saotome, let's discuss our strategy over a game of shogi."

"Sure thing Tendo." Genma said, and the two men walked out of the room.

Once they were out of earshot, Nabiki sighed and slumped against the table. "I really, really wish Akane would just tell Daddy that her reaction to walking in on Ranma and Shampoo having sex would be to ask to join in."

"Now now Nabiki." Kasumi said, "Ranma, Akane, and Shampoo's relationship is their own business."

"Yeah but, come on, Daddy's all worried about the future of their marriage when we both know they're in the middle of some weird polyamorous bdsm thing."

"I wouldn't go that far…" Kasumi said.

"Akane has a dog bowl with Shampoo's name on it hidden in her room." Nabiki said.

"OK, maybe it is that far." Kasumi said, suddenly realizing why Shampoo looked so happy the other night when telling her she wasn't hungry. "But no matter what, we need to respect their boundaries Nabiki, and you need to remember that neither I nor Shampoo would be happy over you blackmailing them over it."

"Hey, what's for lunch?" Ranma's voice called out, before peeking into the room. "Hey Kasumi, how come lunch isn't ready yet?"

"Oh, sorry Ranma, Father needed to talk to us for a bit, would you mind helping Shampoo."

Shampoo, who was behind Ranma jumped forward, "Of course Kasumi."

"Hey, where's Akane?" Nabiki asked.

"Recovering." Shampoo said, "Lady Akane needs the most training, so Master and myself put her through the paces, she lost every single sparring match."

"Yeah." Ranma said, with a goofy smile, "She had to get lots of practice. It was an impressive show."

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Did you clean up any spills Saotome?"

"Oh I made sure there was no mess." Shampoo said, looking proud.

"So why do you need lunch?" Nabiki asked, noticing Shampoo's smirk and Ranma's complete lack of reaction. Amazing, he had missed that innuendo even though he had literally been the one to give Shampoo that meal.

"We just worked out a ton Nabiki." Ranma said, sounding a little annoyed, "You can't just skip a meal when you're a martial artists, we need the carbs and protein."

"Yeah I'm sure the girls need plenty of protein."

Shampoo sighed at that also sailing over her Master's head, "I'll go help Kasumi get lunch ready." She said, heading off with Kasumi into the kitchen. Leaving Nabiki and the idiot who had somehow stumbled onto so many guy's ultimate fantasy.

"I must say your Japanese has gotten so much better Shampoo." Kasumi commented.

"Master and Lady Akane are good teachers. They've been giving me a lot of private lessons."

Nabiki glanced over at Ranma, seeing the goofy grin reappearing on the words 'private lessons.' "Well, good luck Ranma." Nabiki said, "You're going to need it."

* * *

Come the following day the sun rose over the streets of Nerima, a lone man stood tall and proud atop a roof, peering out over the streets. His robed arms were crossed, the wind picked up his long hair and whipped it up behind him. This stoic warrior had finally arrived.

"So this is where my beloved has come," he ominously intoned. "To chase down that pigtailed cheater, who robbed her of her moment of glory. He had arrived at last to help Shampoo achieve her glorious victory. After almost three months of not even sending any letters home, surely she had fallen in some dangerous rut or trap!

This brave hero reached into his sleeves and pulled out his mightiest weapon, holding it aloft in the rising sun. "Have no fear my beloved! No matter how hard I must search, no matter what dark corners I have to scour my way through, I shall find you and I shall! Set! You! Free!"

He turned and dramatically pointed towards the passerby on the pavement out on a morning stroll. "Pardon me, young man! Do you know your way about this prefecture?"

The young man stopped, turned to look at him. Then looked around, shrugged and continued to run. Then he spoke up in a peculiarly feminine tone of voice for someone who was so obviously male. "Guess he's talking about someone else. Best not to make eye contact with the guy standing on a doghouse talking into a blank wall..."

Our brave hero grimaced, then produced an extremely thick pair of glasses. He leaned over and peered into what he had thought was the Tokyo skyline a moment ago, and then said aloud "Goodness, the builders work quickly! This wall was not here a minute ago."

Pocketing them again, he backflipped off the roof he had been standing on and landed perfectly in front of the jogging young man. Aha! The perfect example of his well-practised swan somersault!

"Greetings handsome male resident of this fine prefecture!" he said. The boy continued jogging, brushing past him and - by sheer accident of course - elbowed him sharply in the ribs. Clearly this was a mistake on his part, so Mousse didn't take it personally at all. He was back on his feet in no time at all, casually jogging by the charming young man. "As I was saying, I am rather new to this country and would appreciate some directions."

"Ugh... Why do the weirdos gravitate towards me?" the boy asked. Oh dear, he must have tripped! Why else would he put out his left leg like that in front of our brave, brave hero and then put a hand to his back that ensured this noble knight tumbled down the street until he collided with a most oddly placed tree. "Oops, I hope that didn't damage the postbox any," the young man said. "Gosh, all that training really has made me stronger."

Stronger, did he say?! Aha! Our hero shot up to his feet right away! Because, of course, that kind of tumble didn't hurt him in the least. No, he was used to much worse than this due to his own intense regiment of training.

"Are you a martial artist?" he asked. "If so, then maybe you can help me find my beloved, for she too is a strong martial artist! A beautiful, powerful martial artist who puts all others to shame. A fierce tigress with a warrior's -"

Oh dear. The young man had picked up the pace quite a bit all of a sudden. Aha! Of course! He must have sensed the location of our hero's one true love, and was even now leading him towards her!

"Hold fast, good sir!"

"What about me looks like a 'sir' to you?!" the young man yelled back without breaking stride. "Honestly! Ugh! Don't respond to him Akane... Just ignore him..."

Before long Mousse was keeping pace with him. Ah, what a brisk morning exercise this was. It was setting his heart pounding already, though that might be because he somehow knew for a fact that before long he would be seeing his beloved -

"Shampoo! I'm being followed by a weirdo! No matter how much I pummel him he won't stay down!"

Did he say Shampoo? Ah! Where? He looked all around, but to no avail: No sign of her anywhere! Though there was an odd whistling sound coming in from up above him. What was that sound? It was oddly familiar -

It transpired that this sound was a grand piano dropping from ten feet in the air directly above him. To summarise his morning to this point: Ow!

* * *

Akane boggled at the sight of the idiot being crushed by a grand piano. Several questions rolled through her mind just then. For example, who was that strange robed man? Why had he been so adamant that she was a boy? What did he want? But perhaps most pertinent of all:

"Why did you toss a grand piano at him?" Akane asked the supremely sexy slave standing to her left.

"Is what I had on hand," Shampoo answered, dusting her hand. "Besides. If you can not put down bad man, it must need something with lots and lots of hitting power. So, a grand piano from great height."

"And a grand piano was at hand because...?"

"It's better you don't know," Shampoo cheerfully answered.

Oh, is that so? Akane was not in the mood for dealing with secrets and lies right now. Looking her over, Akane slid up close to her, then looked around. Nobody to see except the idiot under the piano. So she reached across and went right for her slave's weak spot.

"Ooh! Lady Akane! Not in public!" Shampoo whined.

"Yes, in public!" Akane nodded. "Got your nose, until you talk!"

It was one of those odd quirks about this pretty foreign girl that Akane had picked up as of late. She hates having her pretty little nose touched. So, Akane grabbing hold of her like this and squeezing her nostrils together by the force of her forefinger and thumb was exactly the sort of torment she was starting to use to keep Shampoo in line.

"Tell me about the grand piano, Shampoo!"

Huh? Where was that intense killing aura coming from?

"Sh-Shampoo! I hear you suffer, and answer the cry!"

As if she had to ask! The grand piano suddenly fell apart, revealing the weird robed guy standing there with a pair of really sharp looking swords sticking out from his stupidly long sleeves.

"Mousse!" Shampoo cried, and Akane's hand shot away from her nose. Oops! That was her safe word! Maybe grabbing her nose out in public was a touch too far?

"How dare you," the weirdo said. "How dare you abuse Shampoo in this way! I heard everything! Don't tell me... You defeated Shampoo in combat, and now you're trying to claim she's your slave?!"

"Uh..." Akane got out before the first sword swing was aimed in her direction. "Yipe!" She ducked and rolled to get away. This guy was even more nuts than she'd first assumed!

"Have no fear Shampoo! I shall set you free!"

Akane braced herself to dodge the next overhanded strike. If only she had a weapon of her own! She was a pretty proficient swordsgirl in her own right, but that required having a blade to defend herself with! But the effort was wasted, as Shampoo stepped in and caught the swinging sword between two fingers so easily and casually it made Akane keenly aware that she had a lot more work to do.

"That's right, Akane is my master," Shampoo sniffed. She flicked the sword back, then kicked the stranger's legs out from under him. "We sleep in the same bed. We satisfy each other. It's nice. Really nice. Akane can do things with tongue that make me feel weak."

... Huh. Was it her imagination or did that bush over there just swoon? Whatever the case may be, Shampoo strutted over to the stranger while they clamored to their feet, then hoisted him up by his robes and smiled at him. That is to say, a smile that felt like it would last three whole years and never heat up even a single degree.

"I'm happy. Stupid Mousse leave me alone. Bye bye!"

And she kicked him in the chest hard enough to send him into orbit. With him gone Shampoo spun around and walked back towards Akane seeming somewhere between furious and happy.

"Forgive me for that interruption. He's an idiot that doesn't get I'm not interested."

To that, Akane nodded in complete understanding. Then tweaked Shampoo's nose again. "His name was Mousse, wasn't it?" she asked. Shampoo nodded. "Okay then. Fine. Alright. We're having a meeting with Ranma about the latest annoyance to enter our lives."

It was funny. She had just now seen that Shampoo was strong enough to kick her ass six ways from Sunday and have enough left over to take her to the following Wednesday, but right now she was dragging her super strong slave off home by her nose without a trace of resistance.

"Can meeting wait until after we've had a bath?" Shampoo asked. "We really stink!"

"I'd rather it didn't wait!" Akane said. She was feeling a touch impatient just now after that encounter.

"Then I have a bright idea for how we can save some time," Shampoo said, in a way that made Akane wonder sometimes if she and Ranma were actually Shampoo's slaves and not the other way around. Funny. Now Akane was getting the impression that their meeting was going to happen in the bath, with all three of them naked together. "If Lady Akane is willing to listen to her humble slave's idea?"

Gosh but her life had taken an odd turn as of late.

* * *

Gosh but his family's lives had taken an odd turn as of late. Soun was out and about the town, trying desperately to clear his head. Fresh air was the best call for it. Staying cooped up in the house was not a healthy thing to do. New sights and new sounds were the ideal factor in helping him to think things through.

Speaking of unhealthy things: His daughter's relationship with that foreign girl. Sure enough, it had been of some help in promoting the relationship with Genma's boy. On the other hand it felt like a rather major impediment to the same. Sure there was Akane's pure intentions of friendship, but any moment the sensual chinese viper might bite!

As a father his duty was clear! To keep the foreign menace away from his daughter before she was hurt. It was all for her own good. Akane was a good girl, but naive in the way of the world. Unaware of the temptations, subtle and profound alike. The problem was: How to approach the problem without harming his own relationship with his daughter? It wasn't an easy problem but it was one he would have to carefully weigh and consider. After all it was not as if the heavens themselves would provide the answer to him.

This was the point where a certain boy with long dark hair and a slightly too large robe collided with the top of his head. Upside down too, so that they had hit each other top of head to top of head.

Now, Soun was no stranger to such things. His training with... the dread master who must not be named had left him quite immune to little things like concussion and brain injury. All he had to do was blink very quickly for about a minute, and his internal training would take that brain injury and squash it like a waffle. He liked waffles, but the only downside to this technique was that for a brief period he would waffle about a random topic until his waffle finished waffling.

"Waffles!" he exclaimed aloud, then shook his head. "I mean, goodness young man are you alright?"

"I'm quite fine, Mister Tanuki!" the young man said. Oh dear, he must have suffered a terrible injury to his brain! "Goodness, I didn't think your kind appeared in public so easily."

Alright then Soun. It was time for you to apply that first aid training. Neither of you seemed to be bleeding. In that case, he grasped the young man by the shoulder and, as clearly as he could enunciate, asked him: "What. Is. Your. Name?"

"My name is Mousse of the Joketsuzoku."

Ah... That got Soun a bit worried. The Joketsuzoku? More of them were coming here? He swallowed nervously. "W-why are you here?" he asked. Perhaps he was backup for that Shampoo girl! In which case it would be best if he played dumb for the time being.

"Why, I am here to take my beloved Shampoo back home!" the young man said. "Oh, it's a tragedy! She's been tricked into thinking she has to obey an an obnoxious young man!" Ranma, obviously. "He pretended to be nice at first, but looking back it's obvious that he was deliberately deceiving me!" Definitely Ranma. He truly was Genma's son in that matter. "Worse yet, that snake has defiled my beloved and corrupted her soul! I must find a way to purify her immediately!"

Hrm... perhaps he had misjudged this young man? Soun felt a sneaky smile creep across his lips. Oho! He hadn't felt this devious since Genma's wedding. Haha! He'd never noticed the itching powder in his clothes until it was too late! Better still he'd managed to shift the blame to the - Never mind ancient history.

"Come with me, Mister Mousse. I think we have a lot to discuss."

"If you say so, Mister Tanuki. Though I do have to ask, isn't that cowboy hat a little bit too big?"

Ah... Perhaps after he had this young man pay a visit to Doctor Tofu they could set about their cunning plan.


	14. Bathtime Strategy Meeting!

Ranma felt just a little confused when Kasumi told him he needed to take a bath. He didn't **think** he was particularly dirty or smelly. But she had been insistent and Ranma was quickly learning that saying no to Kasumi's suggestions just couldn't be done. Kasumi had even given him a fresh towel for the task, which was more considerate than Kasumi's already very considerate usual.

"I mean I did take a bath this morning." Ranma grumbled, tossing clothing into the laundry basket. "Not like I've done any serious training today, just a bit of sparring with Shampoo and Akane, so why the hell am I having to get into the bat-"

He slid open the door to the bath, and saw Shampoo sitting on the washing stool. She was naked as the day she was born. "Nihao Master, are you ready for a bath?" She said, her voice a picture of innocence. She gave him this cute smile that hinted in no way that her being naked in the bath with him was anything unusual even deserved concideration!

Ranma quickly shut the door behind him, there were **very** few people he thought it would be safe to see the two of them in the same room naked. With Akane nowhere to be seen he really wished the bath had a lock. "What are you doing here!?" He asked her, his voice getting slightly higher pitched.

"Taking a bath Master." Shampoo said, her complete lack of modesty once again catching his eye. "Like you, I assume?"

Like hell she was just in here to take a bath. If Shampoo wanted to take a bath she'd be in the tub already, not sitting there waiting for him to show up. Now, it should be noted that despite his relationship with Shampoo advancing, in its own strange way, blunt physical intimacy was still a bit awkward. Especially since Ranma was still technically a virgin in his male form. So seeing Cute Girl he Liked Naked still set him on edge.

"Shampoo scrub Master's back?" Shampoo said, leaning forward in a way that made it clear she was being playful. She could speak the language pretty well by this point, but on occasion she slipped back into that talking pattern when she wanted to appear cute.

And damn if it didn't work, as little Ranma was attesting to quite vehemently. By this point Ranma had realized that for all her lip service to being nothing more than an obedient servant she clearly enjoyed teasing him like this. Well, as tempting as it was Ranma's general sense or pride would not let him give in to temptation so easily. "I'd rather not." he said, with only moderate difficulty.

"Oh, that's too bad." Shampoo said, leaning back and stretching her arms up. This, incidentally, pushed her breasts forward to be even more brazenly on display.

Ranma's hips involuntarily jutted forward for a second, and he **saw** her eyes lock on to them. Hah! He knew it! This was some game she was playing! Clearly it was time to try and turn this on her! "How about I wash your back? You do sooo much for me Shampoo." He turned her own innocent smile back at her.

"Master, that's far too good for me…" Shampoo said.

"I insist, Shampoo, sit there and let me scrub your back." Ranma ordered.

Shampoo straightened up, "If Master says so…" She said with some anticipation in her voice. She was clearly expecting more to be cleaned than her back! Which is where Ranma will get her! He'll **just** wash her back, and wait for her to get so desperate she's begging for what she really wants!

Ranma sat down on a stool behind her, getting a good view of her firm figure. Shampoo picked up one of the buckets and dumped the water over her head. The trails of cool water flowed over her, almost framing her body. Her skin was gleaming with an enticing aura, or maybe it was just the light playing off the water. Either way it was making him reevaluate the intelligence of this strategy.

Shampoo peered at him over her shoulder. "Well, Master?"

"Just getting the soap ready!" Ranma said, picking up the bar of soap, but his grip was, just a little, too tight and it flew out of his hands. It sailed through the air, landing in front of Shampoo. Right between her legs. OK, was the universe just fucking with him now? Still, he knew he had to persevere, Shampoo would be begging for Little Ranma by the end of this bath!

"I'll get it." he said, reaching around her waist and slipping his hand between her smooth thighs. Thighs which he had felt up before and had watched Akane make her scream by sticking her tongue down there a few days back. (Man and to think he used to freak out seeing Akane in her underwear.) Still, he could be quite precise when he needed to be and was able to pull the bar of soap out from between her legs without touching any part of Shampoo's body.

With that ordeal done, he began the process of washing Shampoo's back. Scrubbing the soap on her smooth skin, rubbing the cloth on her back. His lower brain was screaming at him to move a little bit around, to grab those parts of here that he knew were fun to squeeze. But not yet! Not until Shampoo herself asked instead of playing coy! He would resist! _Think unsexy thought Saotome. Unsexy thoughts. Unsexy thoughts. Unsexy-_

"Lower," Shampoo asked, her voice coming out in a husky breath. "I'm… dirty down there still."

Mechanically Ranma's hands slid down, scrubbing the small of her back, _UNSEXY THOUGHTS UNSEXY THOUGHTS._ Ignore how soft her skin was. Ignore the sweet scent of her hair. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore!

That's when the door to the bath slid open. Wait, he had put up the sign! Who was-

"Oh, **there** you two are." Akane said. She was, in a perverse sense of deja vu, wearing nothing but a small towel that didn't cover anything.

 _SEXY THOUGHTS._ Ranma's hands stopped moving, his eyes trying to split their attention to the naked babe in front of him and the naked babe at the door. Which shows how frazzled Ranma's mind was, he was forgetting to be tsundere.

"Ah, Lady Akane, Master is washing my back, would you like me to wash yours once he's done?" Shampoo said.

Akane looked thoughtful, "No, if Ranma's doing you how about he wash my back too?"

Now, if Ranma was in a more functioning frame of mind he'd realize that Akane was being too calm about this, even despite the fact that they were in a more concrete relationship now. Which meant that they had planned this. But, alas, all Ranma was thinking right now was _"All Thoughts are Sexy Thoughts"_ on repeat.

On that basis it was a good thing for his state of mind that his father didn't enter the room right about then. He would have been traumatized for life.

Shampoo dumped another bucket over her head, rinsing off the remaining suds, "Your turn Lady Akane."

Yes. It was Akane's turn. Shampoo guided Ranma's soapy hand onto her shoulder, and he was immediately struck by how different she felt to Shampoo. He was so focused on scrubbing Akane that he didn't notice the two girls sharing a victorious smile. His hands automatically wandered, covering every inch of Akane's back. It was funny. Ranma had never internally cataloged different kinds of appeal before, but now that his inhibitions were slowly shutting down his mind was wandering in those directions. Akane definitely had a lot more appeal on her lower backside compared to Shampoo. Shampoo's amazing chest was of course, amazing, but there was something to be said for Akane's childbearing hips and solid butt.

And you'd be hard pressed to get Ranma to admit which one he liked more. (When he wasn't in denial about Akane anyways, but that had been happening less and less once their relationship went physical.) For now though all he needed to do was wash Akane's back, rub the soap on her, squeeze her breasts and-

Wait. When had Akane turned around? Where did the soap and cloth go? His hands were just squeezing her chest!

"Told you I'd get Master ready." Shampoo said. "Now it's your turn Lady Akane. Show him that special technique we were practicing."

Special technique? His martial artist brain piped up for a second. What sort of special technique? Was it some esoteric technique from Shampoo's homeland? Maybe something from Mr. Tendo's part of the school, or maybe-

Or maybe it was Akane frenching his brain out. Right, Ranma suddenly remembered that "practice" was a euphemism for when it came to Akane and Shampoo. Her arms pulled him closer, not letting him move his hands from her chest. Akane had moved off the stool and was now straddling his waist, his erection was rubbing against her stomach, which was making it harder to think again.

Thinking was getting in the way of having a threesome with two hot girls. He should stop thinking.

"Is Master ready?" Shampoo asked, who was now leaning up against his back. All pretense of innocence was gone from her voice. "Ooh. I've been so patient. It was so tempting to jump you both. So glad that I waited, seduced you, drew you both in. Shampoo too too horny."

"I knew it!" Ranma said. "I knew you wanted Little Ranma!"

Shampoo didn't respond. Instead she simply slipped around him and pulled little Ranma into her mouth while Akane was busily running her tongue around his earlobe. _"Little Ranma?"_ She giggled between nibbles. "I don't think it's **that** little.

Shampoo hummed in agreement, which did some **interesting** things to him.

"Y-you know, we haven't gone this far wi-with me as a guy!" Ranma stuttered out.

Shampoo pulled herself off Ranma's dick for long enough to say "First time for everything," before plopping it back in her mouth and sighing in genuine contentment.

"Err, just, uh... You wanna save it for something special?"

Akane rolled her eyes, "For what? Not like I'm saving myself for marriage, and we're already engaged."

That was a pretty good point. Most of the normal milestones in a relationship had already been skipped over by the pair. Unless you counted those times ice skating they hadn't even had a first date yet. But they were engaged and fooling around. Finally any semblance of a normal relationship ended once Shampoo entered it. This was an amazingly coherent line of thinking for him to maintain given that Akane was trying to suck his brain out through his ear while Shampoo was in the process of sucking it out thorough his dick.

Then again Ranma wasn't typically known for especially coherent thought under normal circumstances. Maybe getting sexed up to sufficient levels increased his intelligence instead of the opposite? Maybe he had achieved a sort of zen state from being smothered in affection from the two hottest girls he knew? It's a mystery. Though one he would be perfectly happy to solve.

"Move Shampoo, he's my fiance so I get first dibs." Akane ordered.

"Can't I decide-" Ranma gave a token protest, but Akane patted him on the cheek.

"Not for this sweetie." She said in a only slightly mocking tone. It was mostly affectionate.

Shampoo pulled out, Ranma could see a slight trail of drool as she parted, "Of course Lady Akane." She said, with a wink. Her hands went over to Akane's shoulders, helping guide Akane to her destination.

"It's weird, I never would have dreamed that I'd be the one to make the first - ngyahaha! Hooo... D-Definitely not 'little'!" Akane grinded her hips down, sliding down until Ranma was finally fully in there. "Wow.. ah.. This is a bit different then the other times…"

"Ohhh oh man." Ranma would agree with Akane if he could speak! "It's happening! It's happening!" Alright, technically speaking it had Happened but let Ranma have his moment.

Shampoo stepped back nodding happily. Finally she had gotten her Master and MIstress over their hang up! Now all they needed to do was decide it was time for babies and she could have Kasumi stop slipping birth control into their food!

"Uhh… a-anything else you'd like?" Ranma said.

"It's not enough for Master to just stick it in." Shampoo said.

"Y-yeah, you've been a girl, use your h-hands for stuff!" Akane ordered.

"How was I supposed to know that stuff wasn't just for one there isn't a dick?" Ranma said.

"Stop talking and start using your mouth for something useful!" Akane said, leaning in and taking over with another kiss. Ranma, for once taking the hint, started kissing her back while using one hand to dip down and rub her clitoris. Which lead to Akane picking up the pace, and Ranma's own hips thrust up. Up the pace went, the two lovers basically forgetting everything but their own bodies. Until finally, Akane screamed into Ranma's mouth.

Akane dropped back, panting. "N-nice…" She said. "Wow Ranma… how'd you hold it in?"

Good question! How had Ranma managed to hold back one of the most amazing sensations in his life? Well… "We can't leave Shampoo out." He said.

Akane grinned, "Oh right. Shampoo come over hereeee…"

Ranma didn't wait, he reached over and grabbed Shampoo's arm.

"Oh, you really want this now Master? Just after your fiancee-" Shampoo began, but Akane grabbed the slave girl and kissed her.

* * *

"So you see, that's why we need to work together, to free your lover from her self-imposed bondage and to help save my daughter's marriage!"

Mousse nodded, "Hmm yes I see. I've never heard of something so tragic in my life!" He said to a nearby tree.

"Are you OK boy?" Genma asked. There were some colorful characters in the Martial Arts world and Genma was wondering if this Mousse fellow had a complete deck of cards.

"Never better, Madam." Mousse said.

Genma turned to his oldest friend, the man who he considered a brother in all but blood. "And you want me to train **this** guy to beat my son." He said in a darkly accusing tone.

"He says he's a master of the ancient Joketsuzoku Hidden Weapons Style." Soun said, a bit worryingly.

"Indeed. I'm the strongest male fighter of my age group." Mousse said with a hint of pride.

Genma coughed to deflate this bubbling ego "Seeing how as it's called Tribe of **Women** Heroes where does that place you in the totem pole?" He asked.

"Err… sixth strongest overall?" Mousse admitted sheepishly.

Right, sixth of his age group. Genma recalled the feats Shampoo was capable of pulling, not as talented as his son but she was no slouch. Plus she made up for her relatively less talent than Ranma with a ruthlessness that made him glad she wanted to follow Ranma's lead for some reason. "Are you better or worse than Shampoo?" He asked

Mousse frowned, "I have to admit I'm a little bit better than her, being in the age group above hers and all. She hadn't learned the major secret techniques of her family yet…" Tears began to build up in his eyes, "And never will if I don't save her from that awful, thieving, **son of a wh-"**

A sign clattered down upon Mousse's head. It was engraved with the image of a pretty woman in a kimono, with a sword shaped bundle of cloth over her shoulder. "You're talking about **my** son boy." Genma said.

"You're going to help me beat him though!?" Mousse said.

"Yes, through a dirty trick I have in reserve." Genma said folding his arms seriously., "Nothing more, it'll be a one shot trick, you understand. My son won't fall for it twice. He's too well trained to lose to the same technique twice."

* * *

Oh boy, oh boy! Shampoo sure had trained Akane in how to use her tongue!

After releasing himself inside Shampoo, Akane had gotten the brilliant idea to make Ranma a girl to continue. At first he had protested, but then she'd kissed him again and - well, Ranma had lost to her technique a second time in quick succession. Not that he - or should that be she - minded losing all that much right now.

* * *

"The art of hidden weapons involves constantly catching your opponent off guard." Mousse said. "Like so!" In a flash dozens of chains flew out of his robes and immediately hitting Soun, wrapping him up and slamming him against the tree he had been talking to earlier. "Oh, pardon me sir!" he said to the tree. "I should be more careful not to involve civilians."

"Tendo why didn't you dodge that?" Genma asked.

"He caught me off guard!" Soun protested.

"Exactly like I said!" Mousse said. "So, when can I challenge this… person… who my beloved Shampoo is trapped serving due to her own sense of honor?"

"I'd give it a week to get you up to shape." Genma said. "Also, Tendo, when was the last time you seriously practiced?"

"Err… I think it was before Akane accidentally broke my wrist… when she was twelve?" Soun admitted, still wrapped up in chains. "She's disturbingly driven when the mood strikes her Saotome." As in, she had more talent than him and he had quickly ran out of the ability to teach her more. Akane should thank the gods that she stumbled across two martial arts geniuses willing to help her improve.

Alas, Genma had nothing to be thankful for. He groaned with the annoying revelation that his old training partner was out of practice. So this was all on him, and he **hated** extra work.

"Soon Shampoo, I'll free you from your misery!" Mousse declared, "And then we'll find and kill that Ranma girl together!"

"...let's not get too hasty." Genma said.

* * *

The three were now **actually** bathing. Relaxing in the furo after their weekly dose of torrid kinky sex. Ranma had to admit, losing his virginity again made life feel so much better. So much nicer.

Plus, watching Akane and Shampoo cuddle in the bath was like seeing a great work of art.

"So, Shampoo." Akane said, "What **is** with that Mousse guy?"

"Wait, Mousse 'guy'? Isn't that the word you cooked up for that safe-word thing?" Ranma said.

"I could not think of a word that better would describe me completely hating what's going on then his name, Master." Shampoo explained. "He was, err, a 'childhood friend' and has been in love with me since as long as I've known him."

"How bad was he?" Akane asked.

"Worse than Kuno." Shampoo said, grimly. "He chased off any other boys I could have interacted with… and he didn't exactly indear me to any of the girls my age." Shampoo sighed, "I pretty much grew up alone, with him **constantly** harassing me."

"So what, is that why you were so eager to run off?" Ranma said.

"Kind of…" Shampoo said, "I was glad to be free of him while looking for you, Master. Though I didn't realize I liked serving you until a bit into it. It was more of a consolation prize, really." She shivered, "But now he's here! How the hell did he find me? Blind dumb luck!?"

"Is he blind?" Akane asked. "He thought I was a boy for some reason."

Ranma's eyes flicked down to Akane's chest. Her fantastic chest which he would never compare negatively to any female form's again. "How?"

"Not literally, but he's incredibly nearsighted. But he won't wear his glasses because he thinks they make him look stupid." Shampoo said.

"But he's fine **acting** like an idiot?" Akane said.

"He is an idiot, he just thinks that he needs to look cool for me." Shampoo said, "No matter how much I tell him to leave me alone he never did!" She shuddered, "And now he has an in! If… if he challenges the two of you and wins he can take me!"

"So all I have to do is beat him?"

"You underestimate his stupidity. He won't give up with just one win!"

"Then how do we get rid of him?"

"I could kill him. I'm not part of the village anymore." Shampoo said. "Before my family would get in trouble but there aren't any Joketsuzoku witness and he'd never see it coming."

"Shampoo, we're not going to let you kill him." Akane said. She had to be in a bad state, she hadn't brought up murder in weeks.

Shampoo slumped against the side of the bathtub, "Then I'm all out of ideas."

"Whatever, this Mousse guy can't be that tough." Ranma said, "If he's like Kuno then I'll just keep pounding the idiot every time he shows up."

"I mean, he isn't as good as Ranma, right?" Akane asked.

"Not when I last saw him, no."

Akane nodded, "Then it's no problem, no matter how many times he challenges Ranma he'll win, we don't have anything to worry about."

* * *

"Now listen here boy, what I'm about to teach you can not be revealed except to defeat my son **once**." Genma said.

Mousse nodded, trying not to laugh maniacally. _Soon, Akane, you'll be defeated by my hands and Shampoo will be free!_


	15. The Fated Conflict!

Once again, we join our noble hero as he stares out at the picturesque scene of Tokyo's streets. This foreign land was full of wonders and mystery for someone like him. He had rarely traveled far from the village, for it would mean creating distance between himself and his beloved. That said, no matter the physical distance between them Shampoo was never far from Mousse's thoughts!

"Mommy, why is that weird man staring at that tree and laughing to himself?"

"Don't be mean, some people just have their own problems and it's rude to call attention to them."

Today, though? Today, Mousse had someone else on his mind. The fiend who had stolen Shampoo away from the village, and abused an old and obscure law to turn her into his personal slave! Objectively speaking, Mousse had to admit that the boy was rather handsome and masculine in appearance and demeanor. Though that was no excuse for mistreating any women, never mind one so pure and innocent as Shampoo! Curse that Akane Tendo, curse him!

Elsewhere, Akane Tendo felt the strangest urge to pound something and Shampoo was planning out the next 'session' with her master and mistress. There were diagrams, little dolls made up to look like them and everything.

"But your day has come at last," Mousse cackled to himself. "Even your own father has recognized your evil, and taught me a special one time technique that is guaranteed to defeat you! Now I will set forth to rescue my beloved Shampoo and return to our homeland!"

"Mommy, I want to see the show that guy is rehearsing for! It sounds awesome!"

"No dear, that kind of show will rot your brain."

Mousse wasn't finished monologuing yet. "Still, it is best not to rush into battle with only one scheme. I'd best be certain that cowardly man does not run away when his defeat becomes obvious." His glasses gleamed as he pondered the solution to this interminable problem. A secondary weak spot? In a warrior capable of defeating Shampoo? A thorny problem and no mistake. Perhaps it would be best if he performed as much research as possible before taking the necessary next step? Yes... Yes! That would be the best thing to do, wouldn't it? Mousse turned around, determined to set about spying on that wretch from afar -

Sproing!

That, in case you didn't know, was the sound made when a cute girl bounces off an idiot's head while munching on a sweet bun.

"Mm, not bad!" the girl remarked, hopping to the ground and striding off completely unaware of the robed idiot lying flat on his back behind her. "That shop clerk was really weak against the cute girl act. Maybe I oughta take Akane there next time? Ah! What am I saying! It's not as if I'm dating that cute - I mean, uncute chick or anything like that. I mean, we're just in some weird thing with - it's arranged by - damn it who am I even talking to."

Akane? Did that girl say Akane?! Mousse sat up and put his glasses on and studied her. Yes, no question of it. This girl was easily the second hottest babe he'd ever laid eyes on. Do you even need to ask who #1 was? In point of fact... wait a second! He pulled out a picture of a girl stretching her arms out above her head, and looked at it. No, it must have been his imagination - Then the girl in front of him made the same pose and Mousse realised that it was! This was her! This was the girl who had humiliated Shampoo so thoroughly in the village!

Now he understood what was going on. This girl, Ranma, must have been sent to the village as a spy to lure out their strongest warrior so that Akane could turn them into his personal slave. Then, with two beautiful warrior women at his disposal, that absolute pervert Akane Tendo could - He could grab - He could thrust - He could touch - He could do whatever he wanted! With two girls!

Which meant that now he had an excellent opportunity at revenge... twice over! If he could grab hold of Ranma Saotome he could use her to lure out Akane Tendo. Lure her into a trap where he could ensure that the scoundrel had no place to run, no place to hide. Then, when the technique his father taught Mousse was used the trap would swing shut and he would know a hell that was merely a fraction of Mousse had been going through ever since Shampoo left the village!

Kukuku... Mousse slowly rose to his feet while the cute girl munched on that bun. This was the perfect opportunity for him to take the extremely heroic action of kidnapping an unaware girl and using her to force her boyfriend to fight him for the sake of the girl who had been rejecting his advances since they were both old enough to talk.

How very brave of him.

Mousse drew back the chains and threw them, aiming to wrap her up in a single go - but then the girl casually leaped up to the rooftop above. Had she noticed his attack? But how? He'd been quiet, and suppressed his killing instinct almost completely! This girl, she really was extremely skilled, definitely worthy of one able to beat Sh-

"Mm, I hear an ice cream van nearby!" Ranma said to herself. "There it is!"

Alright then, maybe she didn't notice? Regardless! Mousse ran after her while she sprinted across the rooftops. It didn't take long for him to find her shamelessly flirting with the man operating the ice cream van to get a quick discount for some ice cream. Another perfect chance! Mousse pulled out his ultimate weapon from within his sleeves. The true final attack of the hidden weapon style! A large steel duck!

"Oh, twenty five percent off because of my smile?" Ranma asked while blatantly using her upper arms to press her breasts together. "You're far too kind, you silly. My smile isn't that cute. Ohohoho!"

Mousse walked up behind her with duck in hand. He lifted it above his head while this silly girl licked on that ice cream, ready to strike at a moment's notice. Now that she was distracted by the ice cream her guard was completely down -

She caught it with her index finger. He couldn't move it down an inch.

"You should be careful while carrying heavy things," Ranma said, not even taking the time to look at him. She took another lick from her ice cream and made an extremely girly yelp of delight. "If you slip, you might do yourself or others an injury."

"Th-Thank you?" Mousse squeaked out in disbelief.

"Hey, no trouble. It's a martial artist's duty to - Oh wow, this ice cream is great!"

Alright then. Maybe kidnapping Ranma wasn't going to work after all? That girl was stupid strong. Or maybe just stupid and strong? Whatever the case may be she was well out of his league, and worst yet he didn't even know any special techniques or weaknesses that could take her down.

"I swear, food just tastes so much better as a girl."

Have you ever watched a game show, where there's a timer running down? They usually play a little melody to pass the time, and keep the viewer aware of how much there is left. Imagine that sort of jingle playing now, as Mousse stares after Ranma while she walks down the street happily licking her ice cream cone. Then, just at the very moment the girl rounds a corner and gets out of sight, the jingle stops and Mousse pounds his fist into his palm in realization.

"Oh! Food!" Mousse gasped. "That girl really likes her food!"

* * *

A martial artist's life is made up of training in some way or another. Anything can be training with the right mind to it. The point is to hone the body as well as the mind. Understand how to make your body move automatically, minimising the time you're thinking about what you're going to do. Heightening your reactions, your strength, your durability. Learn the counters. Learn how to block. Learn how to hit and where and practise, practise, practise until these things become as second nature as breathing. That is what it means to be a martial artist.

"Mm... Lady Akane, you've improved a lot with your tongue, but your fingers still need a little work," Shampoo said. "How to put it, they still seem a little _too_ eager to please. Yes?"

Akane lifted her head out from in between Shampoo's thighs. It was funny. If you'd told her a couple of months back that her favorite new hobby would be 'training her tongue' then she would have called you a pervert and slapped you into the next ward.

Yet here she was. In her room, naked, oiled up and enjoying the company of her beautiful Shampoo. How quickly things change. She'd even had sex with Ranma. Well, it was a threesome involving Shampoo but the point was still the same. She'd taken that wild boy's dick and ridden it for all it was worth.

No doubt about it. Shampoo was a bad influence on her. A _naughty_ influence.

"And what's wrong with being eager to please?" Akane asked, making a point of circling Shampoo's pussy with her index finger while she spoke. "As if you aren't the most eager to please out of the three of us?"

"Ooh!" Shampoo gasped, gripping the sheets of Akane's bed. "Like Shampoo - Like I said, Lady Akane's tongue has improved a lot! Too too much! It's a vicious attack weapon as well as a amazing pleasure source!"

Akane's eyes narrowed a bit at Shampoo's comments. There was only one reasonable reaction to hearing her 'slave' say that sort of thing. Akane crawled up Shampoo's body and stuck her tongue in the writhing girl's navel. She gave that belly button a big sloppy kiss while Shampoo tried desperately to stifle a simultaneous involuntary laugh and an even more involuntary orgasm.

Yeah, there was pretty much no denying that she was a pervert by this point. This was a hugely eye opening experience for her. About herself, about her physical and psychological needs. She realized she really needed both her fiance and her, well, she didn't really know how to classify Shampoo by this point. But the point was that she really liked them both, and was enjoying their relationship.

It didn't hurt that having a cumming, writhing and wriggling sexy foreigner under you was the best feeling. In the world. Ever. Actually, maybe the second best. A pigtail sprung unbidden to mind. Ranma... If only Ranma was here this would all be so perfect!

Actually, come to think of it where was that handsome/cute idiot? Akane pulled away a bit from worry as a thought struck her. "Hey, Shampoo?" she asked. "How... strong is that Mousse guy anyway?"

"Lady Akane, that is the most cold blooded murder I have ever imagined," Shampoo sighed. "You killed that mood viciously."

"Well, I'm just a little worried. That's all!" Akane sniffed. "Ranma's really running late. What if he got into a fight with Mousse?"

"Yes, that is a concern..." Shampoo mused. "I'd hoped to take pictures of whatever Master does to him. Tie him up in his own chains? Bop him on the head with that big stupid metal duck he likes to pretend is a big surprise?" The self proclaimed slave girl shook her head and sighed. "What a terrible thing to miss out on. I truly hope that Master isn't having too much fun."

"Shampoo! I'm serious!" Akane insisted. "What if Mousse does something clever to trick Ranma?"

Okay. The sudden laughing fit was both weirdly arousing and also a bit concerning. Wow, her lung capacity was something else, Akane hadn't even seen her inhale one time since she began five minutes ago! Occasionally she would sneak out the words "Mousse, clever!" and that would be enough to set her off all over again, somehow laughing even harder than she had before.

Eventually she did calm down, but there was a big bright smile on her face. "It's okay," she sniffed. "I - I doubt Mousse would do anything like that anyway. Knowing Master he's probably using his super cute girl form to scam free food. There's no way she'll get into trouble that easily. Lady Akane should relax, focus on training. Would you like Shampoo to show you her finger technique again?"

Akane was all set to say no, that she wanted to get dressed and head out to find Ranma - Right up until Shampoo's pinky pressed up against Akane's nipple. It wasn't fair. Shampoo loved using pressure points to make Akane feel really good, but was refusing to teach them! Oh, fine. Ranma could take care of himself anyway. Shampoo was right! He wasn't the sort to get into trouble that easily, and certainly nothing he couldn't get his way out of.

Though there was a part of her mind that wondered. What sort of evil scheme might Mousse concoct to take his revenge?

* * *

He'd made a cake! Hooray! It wasn't a very big cake, per se. It was a little squint as well. But he'd done it. Mousse had made a cake. All that was left now was sprinkling the paralysis powder on top of it, which he did just then and left the cake sitting atop a table with a sign next to it that, cunningly, read _"Free cake._ "

"Kukuku... That fool will hardly be able to resist!" Mousse said. "One bite of this cake, and she'll freeze in place! Easy pickings for a quick kidnapping! Mwahahahaha!"

He held the pose that naturally came with a wickedly malevolent laugh for only a moment before adjusting back to his more natural stance. The half blind martial artist adjusted his glasses and slumped his shoulders in defeat.

"What was I thinking?!" Mousse yelled. "This was a terrible plan! Awful, simply awful! There's no way that anyone is stupid enough to fall for this!" Throwing back his head in dismay, grasping onto the sides of his temple, he screamed to the heavens "What kind of total idiot sees a free cake offered and eats it whole without asking any questions?! This plan was a complete waste of time and money, no fool would ever fall for -"

"Hey, free cake!"

That was, naturally, Ranma Saotome popping the cake into her mouth in a single big smiled and nodded at Mousse, then began to strut off down the street, managing a whole ten paces before totally freezing in place.

"I mean... Mwahahaha! Now, Ranma Saotome! You have fallen into my trap! Next is Akane Tendo, and you shall be the bait!"

"Mommy, mommy! I want a Ranma Saotome toy! She's so pretty and cool..."

"For pity's sake, why do we keep running into this weirdo..."

* * *

"Where's Ranma?"

Akane and Shampoo, both wearing matching bathrobes, looked up from their homework. "He went out to get snacks or something." Akane said.

"That was two hours ago." Nabiki said, leaning against the door frame. "Shouldn't you two be a bit more concerned about your boytoy?"

"Nabiki!" Akane scowled at her older sister. "Ranma can take care of himself."

"Also if anything I would be Master's toy." Shampoo said.

"OK, Shampoo, too much information right there." Nabiki said."I mean, Daddy's been out and about with Mr. Saotome so who knows what they might be planning."

"What sort of thing is Dad planning?" Akane asked.

"FIve hundred yen." Nabiki held out her hand. She wasn't going to just give this info away, after all.

"Are you trying to hide something that may hurt my Master behind money?" Shampoo asked, her eyes narrowing.

Nabiki considered it, and decided that Akane wouldn't let Shampoo do anything so just held out her hand again, "Hey it's just five hundred."

"Here." Akane reached into a piggy bank that for some reason greatly resembled P-chan and pulled out five hundred yen coins.

Nabiki accepted the coins, counted them, and pocketed them. "Right then, Daddy's trying to find a tough enough Martial Artist to beat Ranma so he can take Shampoo away."

 **"WHAT!?"** Akane and Shampoo shouted, standing up and any relaxation from homework forgotten.

"Wh-why would Dad want Shampoo to go away!?" Akane said.

"Well he's afraid Ranma will decide to hit that hot babe who obeys his every word which will then destroy your engagement to him once you find out he's having Chinese on the side." Nabiki said. She then leaned in, a devious smirk on her face. "But I'm sure that's not actually a problem right?"

Shampoo considers for a moment how best to torture Nabiki. How to deal with this potential threat to her Master and Mistress. But then she gave up on those fun thoughts because she knew Ranma and Akane would not approve of them, as annoying as Nabiki could be.

Akane frowned, "No it's not a problem! I know Ranma wouldn't do something like cheat on me!" It wasn't cheating when the relationship was polyamorous, so Akane figured she was in the clear. Deny Ranma doing something wrong without revealing she was in a relationship with another girl!

Unfortunately, Nabiki knew all about it so the doublespeak was insanely transparent. "Right but Daddy's been getting paranoid about the engagement. Do you know of any potential martial artists who Daddy might try and use?"

"Well, there's Ryoga…" Akane mused, "He's almost as tough as Ranma. Of course, I don't know if he'd be interested in beating him for that purpose, wouldn't he need to then beat you in a fight Shampoo?"

"Yeah." Shampoo said, "I can't think of anybody else."

"You sure?" Nabiki said.

"Of course! There's no way that Mr. Tendo would just happen to run into the man I hate who recently stalked me all the way back to Japan and just happen to be teaching him to defeat my beloved Master and bring about my worst nightmare!"

"Right!" Akane said, nodding seriously. "That would be way too unlikely to happen."

"What's this guy's name?" Nabiki asked.

"Mousse." Shampoo said in a similar fashion to one would describe something foul she stepped in.

"Mousse?" Nabiki said, "That's a weird name."

"How is it a weird name?" Shampoo said.

"..never mind." Nabiki said. "Still, if this guy's a decent fighter what if Daddy does find him."

Akane growled. "Well he'd better not. Nobody's going to take Shampoo from me and I swear if he even tries I'll-"

That's when there was what sounded like fireworks being shot off up at the front gate shook the air. Akane looked outside and saw a whole bunch of fireworks behind shot up into the air by her house's front gate by a familiar looking idiot.

 **"Enslaver of my Love! I, Mousse, have come to challenge you to single combat to free her!"**

Shampoo groaned, "I am going to kill your father Lady Akane."

"Let me at him first." Akane said. "By the time you get him, he'll be grateful for it."

* * *

Soun peered out his front door to see the young man he had been teaching to beat his future son-in-law over the past week. "Young man?"

"Oh, hello sir! I'm here to finally free Shampoo, I mastered the technique!" Mousse declared, "So here I declare my challenge!"

"But Ranma isn't-"

 **"Akane Tendo I challenge you!"** Mousse declared.

There was a long silence. "Akane… Tendo?" Soun said, twitching.

"Yes, that's the name of the deviant man who's enslaved my love, right?"

"No that's the name of the deviant man who's enslaved your love's fiancee." Kasumi said.

"Pardon?" Mousse said.

Then Akane jumped out of her window, landing on the ground in front of her father. "Hello Mousse."

"Ah, there you are you deviant young man!" Mousse shouted. Then a thrown chui hit him in the side of the head. "S-shampoo!" He'd recognize that perfectly thrown steel weight anywhere!

"You idiot!" Shampoo shouted, still leaning out Akane's window. "Put on your glasses, that's Lady Akane!"

Mousse pulled out a pair of glasses from his robes. "Oh, wait, you're a woman! Well where's the man who-"

Akane grabbed him by the collar, "I am Akane Tendo."

"Oh, oh… so wait, how does that work?" Mousse said.

"Lady Akane is engaged to my Master, so she gets half of me." Shampoo jumped down from Akane's window and landed next to her.

"Oh! Shampoo! Good news! I found Ranma!" Mousse said.

Akane and Shampoo stared at Mousse for a moment, "You… found Ranma." Akane said.

"Yes that red-headed cheater who's the reason Shampoo is in this country."

"Y-you b-beat her!?" Shampoo said,

Mousse laughed nervously. "No, I didn't quite do that. I know you need to fulfill the Kiss of Death on her. I kind of… tricked her."

"Tricked Ranma." Akane said. She felt a mounting headache coming on. "How did you trick Ranma?"

"Oh, I sat a drugged cake on a table labeled 'Free Cake.'" Mousse said.

"That's a devious trap!" Genma, having come out out to see the ruckus at some point, shouted in shock. "Brilliant, deadly, no martial artist could ever hope to overcome such a lure!"

Akane and Shampoo facepalmed simultaneously. "Master is lucky he's cute. And strong." Shampoo said.

"God why am I actually going forward with a relationship with this moron?" Akane muttered.

"Because he's _very_ cute," Shampoo dispensed sagely advice. To that, Akane found there was no comeback. Ranma **was** cute and fun to be around.

"Look, before I accept your challenge." Akane said, "Where's Ranma?"

"Oh I left her in a cage right outside." Mousse said, dashing around the corner. The sound of metal being dragged over concrete came before Mousse did. Ranma, stuck in the same pose she had been the past twenty minutes, was standing in the middle of the cage. Her eyes were the only thing that could move, and both of them locked onto Akane. "The paralysis drug should last another half an hour to an hour."

"When Master busts out of that he's going to kick your ass so hard." Shampoo said.

"So your deviant fiance gave you half of my love's soul then. Very well, you may not be a man, but I'll defeat you!"

"W-wait! I trained you to beat Ranma! Not Akane! Just hit the girl with a hammer or something!" Soun said.

Akane had already turned around and was heading inside. "I'll be right back. Shampoo, please drag Mousse to the Dojo."

"Yes Lady Akane."

"And get that idiot out of that cage, he can watch too."

"Yes Lady Akane."

"Wait, drag?" Mousse said.

Shampoo grabbed Mousse by his hair, "Yes. Drag." Then with one hand she began dragging Mousse to the dojo and with the other hand dragged Ranma's cage.

* * *

Soun was beginning to wonder if this was perhaps a mistake. He had come along with Genma, Kasumi, and Nabiki to the dojo. Ranma had in fact been busted out of the cage she was in and was leaning up against a corner. Shampoo was sitting next to her master while Mousse told the Dojo's shrine about how soon it would be free and the two of them would go back to China.

"Saotome how the hell did we go an entire week without mentioning any of our names!?" He hissed.

"Well you see that would require me to care." Genma said without missing a single beat. "Old friend, this would have to happen regardless. After all, to get Shampoo to follow him the boy needs to beat my Son, Akane, and her."

"Yes but he's an idiot who uses bladed weapons! What if he hurts my little girl!?" Soun said.

"I'd be more worried about what Akane's going to be doing to you Daddy." Nabiki said, "She didn't seem happy that you've been working some somebody to get rid of Shampoo."

"Oh right. She's gotten very attached to her. I imagine you trying to get her to leave without asking might make her a little upset." Kasumi said.

Soun frowned, "I understand if they might have become friends, of sorts, but surely Akane would rather have Shampoo in her homeland?"

Then the doors to the dojo were thrown open. Akane stepped into the dojo. Her expression was grim, she walked past her family with a silent glare offered to her father

"Tendo, isn't that your family's ancestral armor?" Genma said. Akane was wearing a tradtional samurai suit of armor, complete with the armored spiked helmet

"Yes." Soun squeaked out.

"And isn't' that your family sword strapped on her belt?" Indeed, Akane had both a katana and wakizashi strapped to the armors belt, in the traditional _daisho_ style.

"Y-yes?"

"And wow, that's a bow." Genma pointed to the one of the two weapons strapped to Akane's back. "And wow, I haven't seen that naginata busted out since-"

"Yes I know she pulled out half my ancestor's armory!" Soun shouted to Genma.

Mousse looked up to see Akane. "Hmm…"

Akane pointed the naginata's blade at him, "You ready?"

"...when did a combat robot get here?" Mousse asked. "I heard about these things from your cartoons and-"

Akane turned away from Mousse to give Shampoo an look of deep frustration. "And you had to live with this guy?" she said.

"Trust me Lady Akane, this is a good day for him." Shampoo said. Recalling the days where he would mistake a cow for her, or worse, that one time he spent the entire day hugging her Great Grand Mother thinking she was her.

"Akkkknnnneeee…" Ranma managed to get out. "Donnnfgggttthmmm."

"Oh what's that Ranma? I can't hear you with that Free Cake in your mouth." Akane said. She turned back to Mousse.. "Until submission or knockout?"

"I accept!" Mousse declared. "I must warn you, Akane Tendo, I am a master-" He jumped to the left, barely avoiding a horizontal swing of the naginata. "Master of-" He dodged another swing, this time jumping back to try and put some distance between them. **"Master of-"** He had to pull a sword out of his robes to block the three arrows Akane fired. **"WILL YOU LET ME FINISH!?"**

"No." Akane put the bow back and drew her naginata again. "You're a master of stalking Shampoo, and that's really all I care about." Akane said, rushing forward.

"What lies has your scum sucker of a fiance been telling you?" Mousse threw out half a dozen weapons attached to chains.

"First off, Ranma doesn't suck scum. He tends to - wait. He doesn't do any sucking!" Akane shouted, knocking the weapons to the side.

"Nice save." Nabiki said.

The adults in the room missed the implications, they were too busy focusing on other things., "When did Akane get so fast?" Soun asked. She had closed the difference between herself and Mousse far faster than he had ever seen her do so beforehand **and** the speed she was moving her weapons were barely visible to the untrained eye.

"She **has** been training with Master and me." Shampoo said, feeling more than a bit smug. All that "Practice" had given Akane all the encouragement she needed

Mousse growled, tossing out half a dozen chains from his robes sleeves. "If you stand in the way of freeing Shampoo then it doesn't matter how fast you've gotten!"

Akane deflected some of the chains, but two wrapped around her weapon. Mousse let out a shout of victory, and gave it a tug. Akane braced herself, holding the naginata to keep from being disarmed! Just when Akane slid forward an inch, she suddenly ducked down and dashed forward! Using Mousse's own attempt to disarm as momentum, she drove the naginata into the ground and used it to pole-vault herself into a kick aimed directly at his face!

"The only thing Shampoo wants to be 'free' from is you!" Akane said.

Mousse pulled himself off the wall. From his sleeves came several spears. He threw most but rushed in with one held with both hands. Akane twirled her weapon, knocking away most and the armor she had deflected the few remaining.

"Err this seems a bit more dangerous than the usual sparring." Nabiki said.

"A Martial Artist's life is fraught with peril." Soun said grimly, having accepted that this was just a thing that was happening.

"Also Lady Akane could be stabbed in the gut and still win. She's tough." Shampoo said, "But neither of them are trying fatal or serious blows. This will probably be either a first blood thing or they'll just drop the bladed weapons eventually."

"Could we not bring up the idea of my little sister being stabbed?" Nabiki said.

"Hiiaah!" Then Akane knocked the spear out of Mousse's hand and with the same motion **slammed** the naginata into Mousse's side!

"Oh god did Akane just kill a man." Nabiki said. "His gut- wait those aren't guts… is that a portapotty!?"

Several knives, swords, hammers, and one porta-potty were spilling out of the side of Mousse's cut robes.

"I see!" Soun said, "He has so many weapons hidden in those robes of his it's like he's wearing plate armor!"

"Mousse is surprisingly tough because of that., that's why I always hit his head." Shampoo said. "He only has a few daggers hidden in his hair."

"Should that count as first blood?" Akane asked.

"Humph, I see none of my love for Shampoo spilled on this floor Akane Tendo!" Mousse pulled out two hammers, rushing her again.

Akane couldn't block or parry these, so she had to dodge them. It soon became clear that once Akane was forced to use her whole body for defense instead of her weapon that as fast as she had gotten Mousse was faster.

Soun twitched when he finally got a solid hit in, Akane went flying and slammed against the dojo ceiling, hard. The Tendo family naginata hit the ground with a clatter. He told himself this was for Akane's own good. Mousse's chains extended, with flails and hammers and anvils attached to them! With a shout Akane pushed herself off the ceiling and dropped down below the projectiles, they smashed a fairly large hole in the ceiling.

"Oh my I hope he pays for the repairs." Kasumi said.

Akane managed to land on her feet. _Oh man that hurt._ she thought. Mousse had gotten one good hit in and she felt like she'd been run over by a fleet of trucks. Shampoo had not been understating his skill. He had taken several hits from her and looked ready to fight still, while Akane knew that she wouldn't be able to take more then one or two hits than him.

Still, if there's one thing Anything Goes teaches its students it's how to bullshit until you pull a win out of your rear. "Oh is that the best you got? Shampoo hits harder than that when she's sleeping with me!"

"At night, when we sleep." Shampoo said. They used Ranma's futon for sex mostly, or the bathroom, or the dojo. Shampoo made a mental note to tell Mousse that her Master fucked her in the very building he lost to Akane in. Well, once he lost. If he lost. Gosh, he'd better lose or she might actually have to kill him.

Akane was being pushed back, Mousse realizing that heavier weapons were the way to go. Her breaths were getting heavier, and she hadn't gotten in any serious hits!

"Humph! You're not even worthy of looking upon Shampoo in the morning as she practices!" Mousse shouted. His tone clearly implied that he had done that every morning. Akane ducked down, avoiding the stupidly heavy porta-potty he swung at her and managed to get a hold of a chain leaking out of the cut she had made in his robes.

"That's really creepy!" Akane shouted, managing to use that hold to throw him into the ground. Wood splintered when Akane embedded him headfirst into the floor!

"OK he's definitely paying for that." Soun said.

"But Akane was the one who…" Nabki trailed off, realizing this was pointless to discuss. Besides which, who was she to complain about someone else paying for things?

Mousse pulled himself out of the floor, "Not enough Akane Tendo!" He shouted, his breaths heavier. _She's better than I thought she'd be._ he thought.

"Oh you want me to stop playing?" Akane said, Mousse's eyes snapped up, seeing her standing before him.

"Hah!" Mousse threw out several swords!, to his surprise each one impacted her and simply hit the ground with her barely budging! "W-what!? That should have at least cut you! Why didn't you dodge!? Those could have seriously hurt you!"

Meanwhile, people who could see more than vague person shaped blur could see Akane, now in her underwear, standing behind a training dummy she had thrown the armor and underclothing she had been wearing on. "Hah! These tickle!" She said, having shaken the swords off of the dummy.

"...oh god you were holding back and playing with me the whole time!"

"Well, duh, what did you expect?" Akane said, still ducking behind the dummy. "Did you really think we couldn't beat Shampoo to win her love and loyalty?"

"How dare you try and claim Shampoo's love!" Mousse shouted, tears streaming down her face in a heated rage.

By this point the paralysis drugs had worn off, and Ranma sat down next to Shampoo. "He's… he's actually falling for this?" She whispered.

Shampoo leaned in close to Ranma. "Mousse is many things. But he's primarily **really stupid."** She whispered back.

Akane picked up the dummy by the bottom, "Here I come!" She shouted, running at Mousse with it in front of her.

"No! I won't let you keep Shampoo in this loathsome farcical bondage!" Mousse threw out several more weapons.

Akane swatted them away with the dummy. Which, from Mousse's perspective, looked like they were just bouncing off her. "Anything Goes Headbutt Attack!" She shouted, slamming the top of the dummy into Mousse's gut. "Anything Goes Bodyslam!" She swung the dummy like a baseball bat to hit him again! It was his turn to be sent flying! Slamming into the ceiling and making another nicely sized hole! With a groan he fell to the ground, landing on his own discarded weapons.

Mousse pulled himself up, "I see… to think I would be forced to use this trick, given to me by that man… to defeat his son! On you, Akane Tendo! No matter, if it can defeat him, surely it can defeat you!"

Now Shampoo was really worried. Genma Saotome was many things. An idiot, a sloth, a panda, a cheapskate, a glutton... But he was also a remarkable martial artist! If he'd come up with a technique that could defeat his son it should be a terrible technique!

Akane paled. Something to defeat Ranma? When she was only just pulling ahead! She gripped the one weapon she had left, the Tendo Family Swords! She was a martial artist! She would take whatever powerful and dangerous he threw at her. She crouched lower behind the dummy, ready to rush out when he used it!

Mousse took a deep breath, "Prepare yourself! **Fierce Tiger Strike!"**

Akane braced herself! Ranma clenched her fists! Shampoo coiled back, ready to jump up and interfere and damn the consequences. Soun and Genma both watched, soticly and grim faced.

"Look! A hundred yen coin!" Mousse pointed behind the dummy.

There was this short, yet far too long, moment of stillness. Then Akane bashed him over the head with the flat end of her sword. She then stomped on his head a couple times, finally she accepted the chui Shampoo offered and beat him into the ground with those until he stopped shouting in pain.

Ranma hit Genma over the head with her fist. "What the hell was that old man!?

"The Fierce Tiger Strike! A devastating technique." Genma said, ignoring the new lump on his head. "You use the possibility of some free change to distract your opponent!"

"What kind of idiot would look for change in the middle of a fight!?" Akane shouted.

"Saotome! Help me find the money he spotted!" Soun said, scrabbling around the dojo.

And just like that, Akane understood how Ranma felt. She too had lost all faith in her father.

Shampoo at least could breathe a sigh of relief. It turned out that it was a truly terrible technique after all. For now, celebrate!

Akane got an armful of Shampoo, the cute slave girl hugging her so tight Akane wondered how she was breathing. "You won Lady Akane!" She grinded her body into Akane, a body Akane knew **very well** by now. "We should celebrate."

"We should celebrate by a training trip!" Ranma jumped up to the two girls, "Like, that idiot's going to be back and that trick won't work again!"

"You mean like how Free Cake won't work again?" Akane asked dryly.

"I got my free cake, and that idiot got beat up. I'd say it worked perfectly."

"Master did get to have his cake and eat it too." Shampoo said.

"That idiom doesn't even exist in Japanese!" Akane complained.

* * *

Slowly and painfully consciousness returned to Mousse. He found himself sitting outside, in the middle of a park.

"I lost." He said flatly. He had not only lost, but the technique taught to him had failed! He sat up, and realized he could see. Somebody had put his glasses on before dumping him.

Also, there was a note pinned to his chest.

 _To Mousse,_

 _First: Since you lost to Akane I should tell you I'm way better than her, and Shampoo's primary "owner" and all. So since you can't beat Akane challenging me would be a waste of all our times._

 _Second: Since you lost don't challenge her again for at least a couple weeks, otherwise I probably won't be able to stop Shampoo from trying to kill you. Just saying, she really wants to._

 _Finally; Maybe you should just go home. Shampoo hates you man, find a girl who likes you._

 _\- Ranma Saotome._

Mousse crushed the note in his hands. "Go home!? Go home!? When Shampoo is held in slavery! How dare he!" He stood up, ignoring the pain. "I see, this was all set up by you, my unseen foe, my enemy, Ranma Saotome!" He shouted to the world.

"You hate Ranma Saotome?" A quiet voice from a presence Mousse hadn't detected until just now came to his ears. He turned around to see a scrawny creepy looking pale boy looking straight at him. Flanked by two girls.

"Yeah, you're not the only one." The girl with long black hair said.

"And you look like a tough fighter type, our group could use some people like that!" The blonde added.

Mousse felt a smile come to his face.


	16. A Training Trip, Interrupted

The aftermath of the fight lead to a few days of repairs being done. Luckily Shampoo had swiped Mousse's credit card to pay for them before (after Ranma stopped her from stabbing him) dumping him in the park. Akane had not been happy with her father's attempt to "save her engagement." So she shunned him in the way that only an angry daughter can shun her father. Needless to say Soun was in a poor mood over the next few days. His daughter giving him the cold shoulder seamed completely unreasonable. Couldn't she see he only had her best interests at heart?

Of if only she would listen to him! If only he'd turn to her at breakfast and-

"Wait, where's Akane?" Soun asked. He had turned to look at her but she was gone! Along with Ranma! This was bad, had Ranma finally decided to run off to China with Shampoo and now Akane was desperately giving chase!?

"Oh Akane left to go on a training trip with Ranma and Shampoo last night Father." Kasumi said.

"And she didn't tell anybody!?" Soun squeaked out. What if his little girl got lost or hurt and nobody knew she had gone? He could picture it now. Akane having fallen off some cliff or something, in a thunderstorm, with nobody ever able to find her and she'd live out the rest of her days in that cave off the wild animals that wandered in!

"Hmm?" She told me." Kasumi said.

"Me too." Nabiki added.

"She did mention it to me the day before, Tendo." Genma said.

Soun's forehead hit the table with a low thump. "So she just didn't tell me!? Why!?"

"She's still pissed at you for trying to take her best girlfriend Daddy." Nabiki said.

Soun sobbed into his breakfast. "They could have still been pen-pals!" He consoled himself with the fact that since Akane was with Ranma there was no risk of any sort of hanky-panky with Shampoo.

* * *

Meanwhile, out in the mountains, Akane woke up to face her first official day of this training trip. Her eyes fluttered open, she yawned, and sat up. If there had been any outside observers then they would have seen that she was naked.

And if these observers had taken a look around the large tent, they would have seen an equally naked Shampoo. And equally naked Ranma, a girl for now.

After arriving and setting up camp, it had been known but unsaid but all three knew that there would not nearly as much time for getting hanky-panky done. What with the intense martial arts training they would be doing. So, with Akane starting it (as she usually did) they got it out of their system. Ranma hadn't started as a girl last night, but girls **did** last longer than boys. A little water and Ranma went from being able to go once or twice to all three being able to continue for quite a while.

As tempting as starting more sex was (oh boy had losing their virginities turned the three into nymphomaniacs at times) one doesn't become a martial arts prodigy of varying levels without some self discipline, so instead of starting something with her sleeping fiancee or Shampoo, Akane put her hands on their shoulders and shook them.

"O-oh Lady Akane!" Shampoo shot up, "Morning!" It was a nice sight, especially with the bounce she had.

"Nnnnnn too 'arly pops…" Ranma grumbled.

Akane dragged Ranma up into the air. "Good morning Ranma!" She said loudly.

"Dammit Pops I'm awake!" Ranma shouted, than she realize "O-oh. Akane! Hey."

"Good morning Master." Shampoo said. "So we're starting the big training regimen now?"

Right, Ranma's expression shifted from sleepy to focused and excited. "Right. We got plenty of rocks, trees, and more rocks."

"And that waterfall, maybe some meditation for ki building exercises."

"Man Pops just used a firehose for that." Ranma said.

Akane and Shampoo both stared at Ranma for a moment. Akane imagined Ranma and Genma sneaking into a fire department and hooking up a hose to a hijacked fire hydrant. Shampoo imagined Ranma being tossed in front of a burning building.

"Before that, Shampoo could you make breakfast while we bathe?" Akane said. Boy was she glad that Shampoo loved cooking and was great at it. Akane, who had never cooked in her life, had been thinking that with this engagement thing she might have to learn how to cook for Ranma. But now that they had Shampoo she could do that and help out with other domestic chores.

Shampoo nodded, "Of course!"

* * *

One aspect of Ryoga Hibiki that many miss is that his sense of time is out of whack. When he's lost the hours and days blur together. This is, arguably, a defense mechanism to help deal with his horrid sense of direction. This explains why Ryoga didn't see anything strange about getting mad at Ranma for not waiting four days instead of just three. After all to Ryoga those four days didn't feel **that** long.

Recently though, that had become more and more difficult. Whereas before his brain would simply shut down and waits for him to reach his destination, recently his mind keeps running full throttle. (This being Ryoga Hibiki it's still not that fast.). The reason his the wheels in his mind keep spinning in place? Akane Tendo, that beautiful, pure and gentle soul.

She was the light of his life, the love of his heart. His muse, his purpose. She was both the reason for him to walk forward now and also the reason why walking forward was so much more hellish. Because he spent so much time thinking about Akane. What letters to send her. What gifts to buy her. What small talk to make once he met her. That his mind couldn't enter standby mode and keep his body moving on autopilot until he reached some human being to interact with or a goal to find.

So whereas before Ryoga could have easily just wandered until he stumbled upon her, the fact that she was the love of his life meant that it was harder and harder to keep going without finding her. His life ironically made more difficult by falling for her.

"Oh Dear Akane…" Ryoga said to the image of her in his mind. "How I miss your presence.

 _"Hah! Yeaaa!"_

"To see your smile, to hear your laughter."

 _"Hah… hah…"_

"Why… I can almost hear your voi-" Ryoga stopped self-pontification and realized he could hear Akane's pants and shouts. His mind processed the sorts of sounds he heard Akane making, and his mind made the connection! They were the sounds of a fight! "Akane!" She was in danger! "I'm coming!" he ran towards the sound of that voice!

* * *

Earlier, Akane had asked Shampoo how she got so fast. She had then detailed a training technique in her homeland. It involved throwing a bunch of chestnuts into a fire, and then grabbing them out of said fire without getting burned. Shampoo had then said she wasn't fast enough for that form of training yet. Akane wondered if statement held true now. She could picture Shampoo pulling chestnuts out of **lava** unharmed. Or maybe just kicking them. Because her kicks were obscene. Akane knew kicks. Her father had taught her kicks. You could put a lot more power behind them but they were much harder to use due to the slower windup and unbalancing effect of using them. Shampoo, somehow, did not seem to **follow** this rule that physics should impose. With seemingly no wind up her leg could lash out with a wall smashing kick with no loss of balance or shift of momentum. Then her leg would hit the ground, and her arms would prove to be even faster.

What was even more impressive was that Akane knew Shampoo wasn't going as fast as she could. Akane had seen her go faster. She was just keeping her speed just high enough to make Akane have struggle to match it.

It was one of the funnest days of Akane's life. She hadn't had a serious training trip since she was twelve. The Bear Incident kind of scared her father away from camping. He still had a scar on his right shoulder from it. So martial arts training was a lot more static and there were less adventures to shake things up. To head out on the road and learn Martial Arts like the masters of old was always so much more exciting.

Of course, all that excitement in the world didn't change that she was losing this little match. Akane threw out a punch to try and drive Shampoo back, recover some momentum and try and scrape out if not a victory than a good showing. Then, without warning.  
"I'll save you Akane!" A yellow blur landed between the two sparring partners, driving Shampoo back against the trees. "Stay away from her you menace!"

"Ryoga!?" Akane said, "What are you doing her- wait that's not the right question to ask. What are you **doing?"**

Ryoga turned his head, "Don't worry Akane I'll protect you agains-urk!" His eyes bluged out.

"Ryo...ga… oh no." Akane's face reddened. The reason for this was that training was very sweaty work, and Akane's gi was quickly getting soaked. So she had reasoned that they were in the middle of nowhere and the only people around had seen her more than naked. As such she had taken off her gi and was doing her training in a short cut sports bra and sweatpants. "Geez!" her hands went over her chest. "Seriously what are you doing!?" She shouted at him.

"P-protecting y-" Ryoga said, trying not to look at Akane. Before he could finish Shampoo was right up in his face.

"Are you implying that I am some sort of **danger** to Lady Akane?" Shampoo's voice made the ambient temperature drop even cooler than the mountain air normally was.

"You were attacking her!" Ryoga snarled.

"We were practicing. Martial arts? That thing Lady Akane does?" Shampoo said.

"B-but you were moving so fast, and hitting her hard!"

"Yes she told me to do that." Shampoo said, "Haven't you ever practiced?"

"Err…. not like that…" Ryoga said.

Akane sighed, "I bet you he practices by trying to beat up Ranma and that's about it."

"Hey what's going on? What's that shou-" Ranma entered the clearing, and Ryoga was right up there screaming at him.

"Ranma how dare you make Akane prance around in her underwear!"

"Oh hello Ryoga I see you found our campground." Ranma said in complete deadpan.

"Err, Ryoga I was just really hot." Akane said, and all in the general area agreed with that sentiment. "I didn't think it was an issue here in the woods." Shampoo had already produced a t-shirt from somewhere and handed it to Akane. Even though she was dressed similarly to Akane, she did not feel the urge to cover up.

Alas, Ryoga didn't seem to hear that explanation. Mostly because he was already hyped up over protecting Akane and ready to be mad at Ranma. After weeks of stewing in his own thoughts, a single and simple to understand goal in front of him (Punch Ranma in the Stupid Face) was incredibly relaxing. "Defend yourself!" He threw the first punch.

* * *

One hour passed before the fight finally calmed down. Ranma goading Ryoga by commenting on Akane's underwear picks did not help. But eventually Akane calmed Ryoga down enough to talk about her training trip plans.

Meanwhile, Shampoo was giving her Master a post-fight shoulder rub, and of course making small talk. "Master, that boy has a massive crush on Lady Akane doesn't he?"

"Like you would not believe." Ranma scowled at the boy, laughing like an idiot as Akane chatted to him. Still, Ranma found the bitter edge of jealousy had dulled. Banging Akane probably helped with that, since he knew that Akane showed no sexual interest in him whatsoever. Even if she slept with him as a stupid pig.

"Not that much of a surprise, Lady Akane is quite the catch." Shampoo said, then Ranma opened his mouth. "Even if she's a goofy tomboy Master."

"...how did you know I was going to say that?"

"How long have I served you?" Shampoo asked flatly.

Ranma grumbled a bit about girls and their smart mouths for a moment.

"Still, Master, with how short his temper is and how ready he is to pick a fight…" Shampoo said, "I have a concern."

"What could you be worried about?" Ranma asked.

"How is he going to react, Master, once he realizes that we only have one tent?"

Oh. **Oh** that might be a 's normal tendency to jump to conclusions based off flimsy evidence and his own imagination was difficult enough to deal with. A **concrete** sign that Ranma was sleeping with Akane, let alone Akane and Shampoo, would drive Ryoga to either an aneurysm or a berserker rage. Maybe both.

* * *

Akane liked Ryoga. As a friend. He was generally a nice young man and willing to help her out. Now, she didn't see him as any sort of romantic partner, for several reasons. Despite what Ryoga hoped and many boys hoped, just being nice to a girl did not earn her unending love and devotion. It helped, but was hardly the be all and end all. Especially when the girl already, even if she herself had not quite realized it when he first showed up, had a boy she was interested in. Also he was a bit to agreeable with Akane, she enjoyed her banter with Ranma most of the time. When he didn't take it too far.

Normally she was perfectly content with engaging in friendly chat and seeing what interesting stories he had to tell from his travels. But today, for some reason, Akane felt a bit fidgety over his presence. He was still the same kind of funny to talk to nice guy. But a part of Akane wanted him to leave! Sure, she was a little annoyed he had seen her in just a bra, but that wasn't enough to make some part of her brain go 'wrap it up already.'

"So why are you on this training trip?" Ryoga asked. "I don't see why you'd need to!"

Akane twitched a little at that. She told herself he was thinking about the dojo she was living in. "I just needed to get out and do some serious training, I almost lost a recent fight. Don't want to risk that again."

"What!? Who attacked you! Ranma how dare you let some monster attack Akane!?" Ryoga stood up, "Where were you when this was happening!"

"Master was eating Free Cake" Shampoo answered, having finished her shoulder rub. She and Ranma sat down next to Akane, across from Ryoga. Shampoo then began throwing ingredients in a pot. It was time to start making lunch.

"Akane was being assaulted and you were eating cake?!" Ryoga said. Getting himself worked up again.

Akane felt a headache coming on. "Ryoga, I got challenged. Ranma's cake had nothing to do with it." Other then making her disappointed in him. Then she saw him shirtless (both forms) and remembered why she kept him. Hmmm maybe she should ask Ranma to train shirtless. Akane missed Ranma holding up a water bottle threateningly to get Ryoga to back down. She was too busy musing on Ranma **and** Shampoo training topless. Shampoo would do it without complaint if ordered…

"Plus Lady Akane needs to become stronger anyways." Shampoo said, herself imagining Akane dressed like some warrior goddess fighting off hundreds of foes. She sighed longingly, doing her best to hide the shiver and suppressed the urge to start rubbing her thighs together. It would not do to engage in pleasure while making food for her Masters.

Ryoga sat back down, scowling. "Still, to have two young ladies here with just you Ranma? No escort? Who knows what might happen?" He said, ignorant that It had already Happened last night. And would probably Happen again within five minutes of him leaving if Akane had anything to say about it. By this point. Training had been interrupted and as such she had a lot of energy left in her that she was feeling the urge to burn with stamina practice.

"Ryoga, Ranma is my fiance and I trust him not to do anything untoward." Akane said. After all, it was hardly anything untoward if they wanted it. Well, some might concider some of the things they'd done "untoward" but the opinions of closed minded others didn't matter to Akane.

Ryoga nodded, "Of course! I know! I'll help you train Akane, and that way Ranma will have no choice but to be a gentleman!"

Akane felt her left eye twitch. "That's… so… nice… of you, Ryoga." Exactly what she needed! A third wheel that would stop her from expressing any affection to her fiance and girlfriend by his mere presence! No longer could she drop her guard and let out her affection in the open. Just... like... back at home. Dammit.


	17. Akane doesn't get What She Wants

One interesting aspect of human beings is how very quickly having something can become the Norm. Thus when you have gained something suddenly being deprived of it feels like you're incredibly worse off than you had been previously, even if you spent most of your life lacking this boon.

That was how Akane felt right now. It had been several weeks now since she finally admitted to herself her feelings, and had started this moderately complicated relationship with Ranma and Shampoo. Of course, the relationship had some issues, namely that both Ranma and Akane felt they couldn't show affection when not guaranteed to be alone. While part of this was the typical Japanese sense of privacy, there was also the concerns about how people would react. Akane just did not want to deal with accusations that Ranma was cheating on her with Shampoo or that she and Shampoo were having some torrid affair or any other such combination of misinterpretation of the three.

But even simply showing affection to Ranma was risky, because Akane had no idea if their parents would take the sight of them being a couple as a sign it was time to start the wedding bells a-ringing. So this training trip, despite being more work than anything else, was a boon to just being able to show casual affection to her Fiance and Complicated Girlfriend without worry.

But now.

"Wow Akane! That's really impressive!"

Now she had this bandanna clad albatross around her neck. Ryoga, whose company she normally enjoyed. But there's a time and place for everything, and now was not the time Akane wanted _friends_ around. It didn't help that unlike the last time he had helped her train he seemed more concerned with keeping Ranma at arms length than helping her improve.

"Hey actually I think your arm is off a bit." Ranma said, "Something's bugging you? It should be-" He reached out to stretch out Akane's arm to the proper alignment, a minor correction, when Ryoga was suddenly by Akane's side, his hand gripping Ranma's wrist

"I don't think grabbing at Akane is necessary." Ryoga said, glaring at Ranma.

Ranma glared right back, "I'm just touching her arm Ryoga."

"How can I trust you around Akane alone?"

"Good question, why can I trust you around my **fiance."** Ranma said in reply.

Akane groaned, stepping away from the two boys as they began bickering again, hopefully they wouldn't come to blows this time. Ryoga just **did not** want Ranma to do any sort of physical contact with Akane for some reason.

"Ah the Bandanna boy is at it again." She heard Shampoo say, popping up beside Akane. "At the rate he's going you're not going to get any training or practice done today." She leaned up to Akane's side, "Too bad, you were doing wonderfully." Akane felt a finger trail down her side, and let out a little shiver. Akane had learned that Shampoo **loved it** when she and Ranma displayed martial arts feats. Which was the reason why half their training sessions in the past two weeks had been basically foreplay. Sweaty, half dressed foreplay.

"And that pigtail makes you look like a hipster!" Ryoga shouted, stomping off from their latest argument. Ranma opened his mouth for a comeback, but his mouth closed, and one hand went up to lightly tug at his pigtail. He clenched his fists and turned around, showing how clearly he Did Not Care about that Dumb Insult.

"I think Master's pigtail is cute." Shampoo observed, "Right Lady Akane?"

Akane blushed a little remembering how she gave that pigtails some tugs a few days ago when they had some time alone. "I suppose it's convenient…"

Ryoga glanced over the two girls. Now, let us slip into Ryoga Hibiki's point of view for a bit. He saw two young maidens, both forcibly bound to to Ranma Saotome by cultural forces beyond their control. The fact that he had a massive crush on one of them did absolutely nothing to color his perception of the situation, nope. He saw that Akane's face was a little red and though it surely must be exhaustion from rejecting Ranma's constant advances! Shampoo's hands on Akane's shoulder and hips, surely she was offering comfort after a hard day's exercise. Ryoga saw Akane's hand resting on Shampoo's upper back drop down lower, ah she must be brushing off the girl's clothing after Ranma dirtied it! Goodness there must be a lot of dirt on her butt.

Meanwhile, Ranma was shaking his fist. Surely barely holding in his intense sexual lust for these two pure innocent maidens!

Such is the mind of Ryoga Hibiki. It's a frightening and empty place. It rather had to be. Otherwise he might get lost in it.

Back to Akane, she was wracking her brain trying to think of a way to politely tell Ryoga to take a hike. Shampoo was responding positively to her covert attention (Akane was starting to appreciate the lower half, Shampoo had a **fantastic** butt.) and she decided it was time for a short break in training. Thankfully they all had a lot of stamina.

"Ah Akane! Remember how I helped you learn those Martial Arts Gymnastics?" Ryoga said.

Ah yes, Akane remembered that, before bad luck made her twist her ankle. Too bad really, she would have relished kicking Kodachi's ass. On the plus side she'd been leaving Ranma alone. "Yes? You were **helpful** than." Akane said, trying to drop a hint.

"Well maybe I could teach you how to do this!" He said happily, pulling a bandanna off his head and snapping it into a blade.

Shampoo raised an eyebrow, "An Iron Cloth technique? Wow I never got taught that."

In that instant Akane's mind was derailed of any sex thoughts, because Martial Arts was her first love. That was something she knew Ranma didn't know, otherwise he would try and show off with it.

"Oh you mean the technique that almost cut Akane's head off?" Ranma said.

Shampoo's intrigue turned into a glare, "What?"

Ryoga turned pale, "It.. they weren't that sharp! It just cut her hair!"

Shampoo gasped, clutching her chest. "That almost as bad!" Her hands went up to her long hair, "Cutting off a woman's hair is basically a death sentence anyways! A girls hair is her life!"

Akane couldn't hold back the smile at Shampoo's indignation, "It's fine Shampoo, I like shorter hair anyways." She walked up to Ryoga, "I'd gladly learn one of those Iron Cloth techniques."

Ryoga suddenly felt like he was walking on clouds. Akane wanted to head off alone with him! He could imagine it now!

 _"Akane, this technique is very important to me.." Ryoga said, suddenly sounding suave._

"Oh, Ryoga, I know what I need to do to learn any special Family Techniques." Akane leaned in close to him, "I've been waiting for this chance to be alone with you for so long!" At those words she began to undo her gi top. "Hurry, while we're alone!"

Ryoga pinched his nose with his bandanna. That was a dangerous thought. "Now I-I'm just going to teach this to you Akane, so Ranma and Shampoo will have to go elsewhere." He reached out and took her hand, "I'll take you to-"

"I think it might be best if I lead the way, there's a cove a bit down the way." Akane said, pulling her hand out of Ryoga's and grabbing his wrist.

Ranma and Shampoo's eyes didn't leave Ryoga while Akane dragged him to the cove. "Master I think he's going to try and make a move on Lady Akane."

"Well **duh."** Ranma said. "Come on, we're going to our tent. I bet there's some outfits of yours we can use."

Shampoo tilted her head to the side, "What are we doing Master?"

"Making sure Ryoga doesn't get any ideas in his head."

In which case Ranma may have acted a touch too late. Though not too late for them to keep those ideas from becoming actions.

* * *

Ryoga took several deep breaths, trying to keep his heart from pounding through his ribcage. Ranma was leaving them alone! This was his chance! Surely Akane was waiting for him to man up and make a move, it's not like she actually **liked** Ranma.

"So what's the first step?" Akane asked, her eyes shining with excitement. Ah to think she was so happy to spend time with him! He just needed to find the right words to start with.

"Ahahaahaha…" Ryoga laughed nervously, "So, uh, do you come here often?"

Akane's expression changed to one of slight befuddlement, "Noo.. this is the first time I've been out here in particular. Is there something in the environment we need to learn the technique?"

She turned and her arm brushed his. Ryoga's other arm reflexively shot out and knocked down a tree. She touched him! She touched him!

"Ryoga?" Akane asked, looking concerned.

"Technique!?" Ryoga squeaked out. Right, right, the Iron Cloth technique. Why was she worried about that? He needed to ask her out! Once he was able to get on a date with Akane or maybe even confess his feelings things would go smoothly! "R-right." He needed to explain how to use the Iron Cloth technique. "First you need to… need to…"

"Need to what?" Akane asked.

 _I forgot how to explain it!_ Ryoga thought in a panic, being alone with Akane had blanked out his mind! Not that this was too hard a feat at the best of times. He tried to remember how to do it, but step one couldn't even enter his thought process! "B-b-b-before that, Akane, there's something I, uh, err, need to talk to you about."

Now Akane was feeling a different kind of metaphorical blue balls. Ryoga was stopping her from her first and second (and third) loves for some reason. Her smile became strained again. "Well what is it?"

Right. This was it. His chance, his opportunity. Ranma wasn't around, all Ryoga had to do was ask her out. "I w-w-a-s-s wondering if you c-c-o-uld…" He trailed off.

"Could what?" Akane said.

"Nihao!" A new, familiar sounding voice (at least to Akane) popped up in the wilderness.

Ryoga looked around, "Who's there!?" He said.

From the shadows out came two girls. Both wearing matching blue and red qipaos, their hair done up in side buns and both wearing large round glasses. Akane took one look at them and wondered just what the hell Ranma and Shampoo were doing. Ryoga, by contrast; "Who are you two!?"

"I Washtub!" Ranma said.

"I Showerhead!" Shampoo said.

"And we Cleaning Sisters!" Ranma said, and the two posed. Akane felt a headache forming. "We clean boys wicked thoughts!"

"W-wicked thoughts?!" Ryoga said with indignation

Ranma held up a loofah and turned it around in her hands like it was a divining rod. Behind her, Shampoo made beeping noises. This did not help Akane's headache. Not in the least. "See? Fang Boy very Dirty Thoughts!" She said in what was frankly a rather offensive imitation of Shampoo's previously poor Japanese skills. Ranma began circling around the copse, Shampoo's beeping getting louder as Ranma neared Ryoga. "Where is dirty thoughts hide? Here dirty thoughts!" She said, sprinting towards Ryoga.

Akane could almost see it happen before it actually did. A stump between Ranma and Ryoga, which in her haste Ranma missed. Her foot got caught on the stump, and in almost slow motion Ranma lost her balance. The loofa flew out of her hands, "No wait!" It sailed through the air, and in simultaneous impact the loofa hit Ryoga in the face just as Ranma collided with him.

"Aiyaah! Wicked thought detector detect too too big wicked thought, and Fang Boy's hand on Mas- Sister Washtub butt!"

Akane facepalmed, sure enough Ranma had stumbled into Ryoga's arms, and by what Akane has to assume was the stupidest luck in the universe he had managed to hold Ranma by her breasts and butt. It was really quite impressive. Akane felt a stab of irritation at someone else grabbing things that as far as she was concerned belonged to her, but didn't feel too mad at Ryoga since it was probably an accident. Probably.

"Eeek Fang Boy molest Washtub!" Ranma said, grabbing the loofa and slapping him in the face with it a dozen times. Each swing of the loofah made Ryoga's head snap to the left and right. "Run away cute tomboy! Fang boy very dangerous with bad intentions!"

Ryoga finally realized where his hands were, and let out a very high pitched sound. Even as Ranma continued to slap him with a loofa Ryoga let go of her and let her drop to the ground. He then ran backwards, ironically tripping and rolling until he hit a tree. Where a raccoon fell from the tree onto his head, who then began scratching his face.

Akane felt the familiar feeling of frustration at her fiance, made even more potent at Ranma dragging Shampoo into these shenanigans. "You guys! I just wanted to learn his technique!"

"Showerhead sure Fang Boy want show La- Super Pretty Girl too too different kind of technique."

"Huh? He was going to show me that hardened cloth technique!"

"There definitely something hard under cloth, but not much good for martial arts."

Akane felt her face redden at such blunt innuendo. "Excuse me? Me and Ryoga are **friends** and you know it."

"Friends!?" Ryoga squeaked out, the raccoon was now sitting on his head.

"I mean, come on, he knows I'm engaged. What kind of man would come onto a girl in a relationship already?"

"Yes what kind of man do that." Ranma said glancing over at Ryoga.

Ryoga stood up, the raccoon clinging to his back. "Excuse me! But Akane is stuck in I… mean…

"Now you two leave!" Akane pointed away from the copse, "I want to learn this technique from Ryoga before we get back to training!"

"T-that's all y-you want… Akane?" Ryoga asked, feeling panic forming. No that couldn't be it, there had to be more! These random weird girls who appeared out of nowhere had to be in some way tricking Akane! She was so nice and sweet to him after all! Surely that meant she liked him! "I mean…. I… excuse me!" He needed to get his composure back! He turned around, tears running down his cheeks, and ran off back to the campsite, a very confused raccoon on his back.

Well, actually he ran towards the nearby waterfall, rather than the camp. So a moment later they all heard the sound of a distant splashing, following by the loud yips of the raccoon.

Akane glared at Ranma, "That was not helpful."

"Washtub no know what cute tomboy talk about."

"Ranma I know it's you, I picked out that dress for Shampoo, remember? And the glasses and hairstyle change do not make a disguise." She glanced at Shampoo, "Why did you bring these dresses to a training trip anyways?"

"I always bring nice clothes. You look good you gain confidence and you become more powerful." She said. So wait Shampoo was saying that she was literally a stronger martial artist when looking sexy. Akane could get behind that.

"Shampoo why'd you drop the disguise!" Ranma whined.

"Master she saw through it with no effort whatsoever." Shampoo said, "Also, Lady Akane, that Ryoga boy is in no way just thinking you're his fri-"

 **"BWEE BWEE!"**

 **"YIP YIPE!"**

Akane recognized that squeal! Could it be… here in the middle of the woods!

"Oh crap I forgot that-" Ranma muttered as Akane ran past her. Akane felt fear in her heart, it couldn't be… he couldn't…

The raccoon that had been on Ryoga's back earlier sailed in the air past Akane, and sitting at the edge of the stream was a very indignant looking pig. "P-chan!? What are you doing here sweetie!"

"Bwee!" P-chan perked up at seeing Akane. He happily leaped into Akane's arms.

"Oh you poor baby wandering the woods alone!" Akane hugged him to her chest, making P-chan swoon.

"Lady Akane?" Shampoo hopped over, "Ah, it's that P-chan pig. What's he doing here?"

"I don't know." Akane said, looking around. "He must have been wandering around, poor baby."

"Must be a tough little piggy to not be somethings lunch." Shampoo said, poking at the tiny animal.

P-chan was reeling, she had taken off the glasses and let down her hair. He now realized he had been tricked! Those girls were just Ranma and Shampoo! How devious of them, how cunning their disguises!

"So how's Ryoga doing?" Speak of the devil and she'll appear, dropping between the other two girls.

Shampoo looked around, "He seems to have vanished, got lost I'm guessing?"

Akane let out a sigh, "Great now I'm not going to learn that technique thanks to you Ranma!"

"Not like he was ever going to get to teaching it to you anyways, what do you want Ryoga to stick around?" Ranma asked pointedly.

P-chan snarled at Ranma. How dare he suggest Akane didn't want his company! He was a million times better than this jerk ever cou-

"Well, OK, not really." Akane admitted sheepishly, and P-chan's eyes bulged out. "But I couldn't just tell him to leave, not with how bad his sense of direction is, he's very lonely Ranma."

"Lady Akane is too nice for her own good. I bet he thinks that just because you're nice to him that you secretly want to date him or something." Shampoo said, patting Akane on the shoulder.

Ranma was the only one who realized the danger, the little piglet in Akane's hand was in shock. Unable to quite process what Akane was saying. Was she… saying… that she didn't want to be with Ryoga?! That she was happy with her relationship with Ranma, that she-

Akane leaned over and kissed Shampoo on the lips, and P-chan felt part of his soul twist. Wh-what had Akane just done? This wasn't like Shampoo's strange ancient Chinese laws, it was… Akane had just casually pecked her on the lips. "That's silly." She said in a teasing tone. "He hasn't said anything like that."

Shampoo's face reddened, "Ah… um…" She had not been prepared for the sudden affection.

"Sorry I've just been holding that back for a while." Akane said. "But with Ryoga gone…"

"Uh Akane maybe you shoul-" Ranma was trying to speak up, his gaze still on the shellshocked pig in Akane's arms, but then she walked over to Ranma and gave her a kiss as well. This did a good job of silencing most of Ranma's concerns since affection from her fiance was hard to dismiss.

Both!? Akane had kissed them both!? Why had she kissed them both! No, that had to be some delusion. Clearly Ranma hitting him with that stupid loofa had knocked him out and this was all some bad dream. No way she would kiss Ranma, let alone another girl! That was a joke, a delusion, a bad dream!

"Here you go P-chan, you can wait in our tent for now, right now Mommy need to get some training with Ranma and Shampoo done." She paused, "Should Ranma be your Daddy then, and Shampoo the other Mommy?"

P-chan forced himself to ignore that sentence, he was placed gently on the floor of the rather large tent, then Akane carefully closed it behind him. So Ryoga was left alone, and he quickly took stock of the place he was in. The Tent was big enough for three sleeping bags, as well as three large backpacks. Some dirty clothing was piled in a corner, including at least two sets of women's underwear which Ryoga didn't want to look at, but underneath it… underneath it was a pair of boxers!

There was one tent for three people. Two girls and one boy. They were all together, and Ryoga took this knowledge in. Finally, one sentence came to his mind.

 _Ranma how dare you force yourself on Akane! It's even worse than I imagined! Animal! Brute! Defiler, you will pay for dragging her into your sick games with that Chinese girl!_

Indeed, he was now going to be angrier than ever. If only he had hot water.

If only.


	18. Training is Up and Pig is Down

Ah, the fresh mountain air. There was something about a good hike outdoors that really cleared the mind. You wake up after a good night's sleep and your body is ready for training. A brisk walk while breakfast was being made with your especially obedient pet was just what Akane needed for kickstarting another good day.

There was only one problem with this plan so far as she could tell. That problem being, it would involve taking her head away from its nice comfortable pillow. It was like trying to leave bed on a cold winter's morning. It wasn't that she was a pervert or anything, but resting her head on boy form Ranma's chest was all kinds of soothing.

The funny thing was, Akane was pretty sure she was on the other side of the tent when they went to sleep last night. How had she wound up over here? She had been so adamant about there being no distractions after the disaster that was Ryoga's visit, but here she was snuggled up against a warm manly mass of muscles.

"Bweee?"

"I'll be up in a minute P-Chan," Akane sighed, feeling genuinely content. Her hand absently reached under Ranma's shirt to stroke his abs. "... Make that half an hour."

Curse her failing willpower! She had to resist this temptation. She had to get up and train.

It didn't help that martial arts had intertwined itself into Akane's love life. Not just from her parents engagement, but a good half of her dates and outings with Ranma and Shampoo were kickstarted from a martial arts match or some sparring session. It made this serious training session difficult to keep just a training session.

Akane hated to admit it but sex was awesome. Really, really awesome. No wonder boys wanted it so much. It didn't excuse them trying to make her date them through trial by combat, but. Ugh! How did she live without this before? If she wasn't careful then she'd spend all day -

"Breakfast is ready!" called Shampoo, poking her head through the tent flap. Akane's nostrils flared up. Her eyes flickered towards the foreign girl standing there. Beheld her in a naked apron.

Ten seconds later Akane was sitting outside eating... something delicious, she wasn't really looking at it, the sight of Shampoo in a naked apron was a positively hypnotic sight. Akane didn't even notice when Ranma sat down next to her until he said "Morning."

Shampoo dropped some food into a bowl for P-chan to eat. In the process bending over, and causing both Ranma and Akane's heads to tilt in exactly the same way at exactly the same time.

"Why are you wearing th-that!?" Ranma finally found the strength to ask the question that had been in the parts of the mind not focused Shampoo's incredible body.

"That is a good point," Shampoo said, and bye bye apron. Akane wobbled and fell into Ranma's chest, which returned her to the nice place that she didn't want to leave this morning. "Be sure to eat up. We need lots and lots of strength for training today."

"Right," Ranma said. His eyes wandered and roamed all over Shampoo's body, while his right hand copied the same trip across Akane's. "Training. Martial arts training. Because that's why we're here. Up in the mountains. Far, far away from anyone else. Nothing to look at but nature and each other."

"Bweeeee!" P-chan complained.

"Master forgot about the cute piggy."

"So why are you strutting around naked anyway?" Akane said, stumbling a little over the word naked. It felt like if she said it too loudly it would echo around the mountains.

"Oh, this?" Shampoo asked, looking down at herself as if only noticing for the first time. "Shampoo thought... **I** thought it would be a good idea to teach you some advanced techniques from my village."

"And you have to be naked for that?" Ranma asked, though his tone made it clear he was not complaining in the least.

"Yes," Shampoo nodded. "It is very important that we all be naked for this. Technique can only be mastered by women who can control their emotions, including shame. No can get distracted by other women's sexy bodies either."

Both Ranma and Akane were stubborn jackasses who were rather confident in their martial arts ability. Despite that, both of them had the same thought at that moment in time: We are not going to manage this.

"It is forbidden for men to learn this technique," Shampoo continued. "Too, too forbidden. It is dangerous for a man to learn it. Dangerous for them, dangerous for others."

"What about me?" Ranma asked. Ask a stupid question, get a cup of water upended over your head. Incidentally, this did not change Akane's level of appreciation of the chest she was snuggling into. It only changed the form it took. "Hey!"

"Is this technique really all that special?" Akane asked.

Shampoo put her bowl down, dusted off her hands - and then wrapped her leg around her head in such a way that she kicked the tree next to her. This knocked a rather large dent out of it, as though she'd kicked it with about a quarter of her full strength. Then she whipped her arm around in a nigh impossible angle to strike a large rock by their campsite, sending it rolling along for several feet at quite the pace. It only stopped when it hit an exposed root, though gave the impression it could have gone for much further than this.

"This is called 'Strike of the Unwound Spring'." Shampoo said. "By discarding negative emotions, you make your body too too flexible. It gives up a large amount of your strength, but lets you move in ways that can catch enemy off guard."

"Oh god that explains how she pulled that off last week." Akane whispered in religious awe. P-chan did a doubletake, what did she pull off last week!? No, wait maybe he was better off not knowing... Then again his imagination would fill in the blanks! Ah! But if he learned then he'd never unlearn it! Which fate was worse?!

"This doesn't sound like such a big deal!" Ranma scoffed. "Something like that, I'll have it mastered in no time flat!"

To Akane's frustration (and P-chan's relief) Ranma stood up - and stripped down in record time. She stood there in the middle of the camp with her hands on her hips, shaking the water out of her hair.

"Alright! Let's get this show on the road!" she cheered. At first, there was no response. "Guys?" Ranma asked. She looked around at the other two girls. "Why are you looking at me like I'm the last steak at the feast?"

The tension was broken when Akane grabbed ahold of Ranma's butt. Ranma jumped, causing her chest to jiggle, and in turn Shampoo's face fell into that fantastic cleavage as if gravity had pulled her in.

"H-hey girls! Cut that out!" Ranma attempted to protest. "We're here to train, not fool around!"

"How about a warm up first?" Akane asked. She rose to her feet and pressed her body into Ranma's back, while Shampoo trailed a series of kisses up to Ranma's neck, jaw, chin and finally mouth. Completely cutting off any further possible protestations Ranma may have had. "We only now woke up. Our muscles may need a little fine tuning."

Shampoo broke off her kiss from Ranma, and then kissed Akane over Ranma's shoulder. The pigtailed girl's eyes were all glazed over by this point, and so her hand reached up to touch Shampoo's body. Didn't much matter where. It was all fantastic.

After that, things became a bit of a blur. A great big blur that left a certain black piglet completely traumatized.

* * *

Is there anything in the world more dangerous than a pair of idiots trying to come up with a clever scheme? Probably not. The Dunning-Kruger effect is often underestimated for its role in tragedies.

Well, actually there is one thing more dangerous in the world: A pair of half drunken idiots trying to come up with a clever plan. See, they have to be half drunk because any more than that and their thinking would become so detached from reality that they won't even remember what they came up with the next day. Half drunk? They'll remember enough.

Now ordinarily the ring-leader in half-drunk zany schemes in this pair was Genma Saotome. Those sorts of plots being more his type. But with the addition of a threat to his daughter's love live had inspired Soun Tendo to action. Now, the truth that Shampoo was no threat to his daughter's love live and had, if anything, enhanced it was one he was blind to. Not his fault really, Akane was keeping it a secret from him after all.

"I tell you Genma, that slut is a danger to the engagement," Soun hiccuped. "She's - hic - pretending to play nice with my daughter, but we all see the way she looks at your son. And sometimes at your daughter, too."

"Well boys will be boys." Genma said, the booze turning off his filter, "I'm sure he'd be careful with her…"

"Boys being boys is exactly what I'm worried about," Soun replied. "What if he gets her pregnant!"

"Hmmm Nodoka would probably think a grandchild is cut-"

 _"Are you listening to me Saotome!?"_ Oh dear out comes the demonic visage. _"We must come up with a way to protect your son's virtue from that foreign tramp!"_ (As he said this Ranma was busy sticking more than one finger into parts of Shampoo's body while Akane cheered her on.)

Genma took another big gulp of booze. Then said the single scariest sentence that he - or any drunken idiot - could possibly say.

"I have a cunning plan." he leaned in close to Soun. "Listen carefully, old friend. This will assuredly guarantee the engagement succeeds!"

Soun turned his ear to hear what Genma would say. Then he stayed like that for about half a minute, nodding along before eventually saying "Saotome... you appear to have fallen asleep."

Alas, Genma was not quite drunk enough to forget his cunning plan.

* * *

An hour later, the three girls were standing in a row trying not to look at one another. There were little welts all over Ranma's body, in particular her neck, as though a geriatric vampire had forgotten to put its dentures in but was determined to get at that sweet, sweet blood.

"Now that's out of our system, we can start training," Shampoo said to the ground.

"Alright! I'm pumped to start training!" Akane said in P-chan's general direction. Her pig was sitting silently watching them with what would, on a human, be described as a thousand yard stare. "I've been wanting to push to the next level for a while now, and I won't let this chance pass me by!"

Ranma gurgled unintelligibly, and happily.

"... Maybe we should get back to her later on?" Akane suggested. "So how do we start?"

"Is simple," Shampoo said. "First you need to purge your body of negative emotions." She glanced over to the dazed looking pig. "Like, let's pretend that P-chan there is someone you know. Like that boy Ryoga who was here yesterday."

Neither girl noticed Ranma twitch.

"So pretend he's seeing you naked." Shampoo said.

Akane put her fist through a tree with a display of strength that surprised even her.

"Guh..." Akane blushed. She pulled her hand out. "S-sorry, that was pretty embarrassing. Letting a boy other than Ranma see me naked is a little... You know."

"That's exactly the reaction I was hoping for. I was told to imagine a statue of a duck was Mousse. I nearly crushed its head screaming." Shampoo said happily.

"How did you learn to control yourself?" Akane asked.

"Is easy," Shampoo said, slipping behind Akane. "Take a deep breath. Push away all emotions for now. Let Shampoo - let me handle this for you."

Okay... Akane didn't quite know what to make of this but she took that deep breath. Then right as she was about to breath out, Shampoo hit her right in the middle of her spine and at the base of her neck at the same time. She wobbled on her feet, then felt Shampoo grab hold of her wrist and gently, gently pull it back up and around her head.

"There, that released hormones into your brain to make you a little docile," Shampoo said. "Not much, just enough for me to work some magic here."

Magic, huh? Yeah, it felt like magic. Akane was totally disconnected from her own body. Shampoo was guiding her around, tying her limbs into knots that should not have been possible.

Meanwhile, a certain black pig was starting to stir. That had been an intense experience to say the least. Witnessing an erotic threesome between three girls, one of whom you adore and one of whom you hate, all three of them being drop dead gorgeous... it did things to his emotions that were totally indescribable leaving Ryoga totally lost. Still! He had found himself again. Now his target was plain to see. That foreign girl corrupting his beloved Akane. (Ryoga's constant oscillation between thinking Shampoo was a victim of Ranma and the villain was quite amusing, to bad nobody was in on the joke) He'd bite her ankle and make her back off -

"Kendoist walking in on you in the bath."

Snap! It was the sound like a whip cracking through the air. In actuality, it was Akane's limbs going "wait, what the fuck is going on?" and immediately, violently pulling her into a position that was a bit more natural for her to be in.

Unfortunately said position left Akane whirling around outside of her own control, forcing Shampoo to grab hold of her to keep her steady. Resulting in two naked girls embracing one another. With their breasts squishing right into each other. Now, it was actually the case that Akane was trying not to fall over. But because of the way they were standing, it really looked like they were about to tongue each other into submission.

And that right there sent the pig back to his happy/unhappy place.

"W-woah!" Akane gulped. "What happened there?"

"Lost control of emotions. Lost control of body," Shampoo said. "You see? You could physically do it. All in a state of mind."

Akane took another deep breath and made to stand up on her own power now that she wasn't so disoriented anymore. Then she found herself staring into Shampoo's eyes. Became aware of how close they were. Of the soft feeling of Shampoo's skin. The way their boobs were smooshing together. Oh right she was in love with this girl and her naked body was right there.

"We should really focus on training," Akane said.

"Yes," Shampoo said in agreement. "That is what we're here for."

Five second later, Ranma blinked. "Whooo boy!" she laughed. "Whew, that was intense! Kinda spaced out for a moment there. Alright, so how do we learn this techni-"

She was cut off by the sight of her fiance and her, ahem, slave physically throwing each other into wild lesbian sex with such abandon that one might believe they had been told their lives and the lives of everyone they loved depended on it. The pair of them were scissoring, lying on top of a mat they'd set out.

"A-after this we f-focus on training!" Akane grunted, thrusting her hips violently into Shampoo's. Any non-martial artist being on the receiving end of this would have come away with an injury.

"Yes!" Shampoo cried, though it wasn't entirely sure if she was agreeing with Akane or, ahem, _really agreeing_ with Akane. An impression made even more vague when she grabbed Akane's foot and began sucking on the toes.

To this sight, Ranma had but one observation to make.

"Buh."

All truth told, not an awful lot of training would be getting done on this day of training trip. Don't worry, they had at least a few more to go.

* * *

Ryoga had now been been stuck as a pig for four days watching this farce of a "training trip" Ranma had clearly tricked Akane onto participating in. The only thing they'd been training was Ranma's lechery, he clearly was spending all his time ogling Akane (and Shampoo) while they wore those revealing outfits instead of proper gis! During those four days he had seen him give into his base lusts twice, actively doing more than observing and… and **defiling** her.

Ryoga was positive that Akane was somehow bring brainwashed to be Ranma's love-toy, oh he needed to find a way to deprogram her! If only he could do more than watch! Oh why didn't he do more when Ranma tried to lie to him after that "flexibility" training?

"Look, Ryoga, I know you're probably not happy about this." He had said, and even ignored Ryoga biting his fingers. "But come on man, Akane's my fiance. This sort of thing you expected?" He had then glared at Ranma and after a moment he had said. "And Shampoo, well, that's a complicated thing. But Akane's into it just as much as I am and I'm pretty sure she's pissed enough at her old man for trying to get rid of her already, so just let it go man."

Hah! Let things be, like Ryoga would believe such a transparent lie. So he had watched, observed, trying to find some point to defeat Ranma once and for all. And was in no way staring at Akane wearing a tank top and shorts while she punched at a boulder!

 **"Hiiya!** Akane shouted, throwing one final bunch at the large rock Shampoo had found from somewhere. Her fist impacted with it, and there was a loud crack, before it split down the middle from her punch. The two halves fell down, and one of her other observers clapped.

"Amazing Lady Akane, I think just a week ago that would have broken your hand." Shampoos said happily. "It like tiger busting down fortress."

Akane let out a contented sigh, "Wow that was amazing." She looked over at Ranma, who seemed to be examining the boulder. "What is it?"

"Pops would have complained you didn't split it into three." Ranma said. "Of course Pops also would have used wolves for that speed training we did the other day."

"Master, I'm wondering how you're still alive." Shampoo said.

"Daddy did use some dogs the last time we went on a trip. Of course, he just smeared peanut butter on my arms. I bet Mr. Saotome would have tied steaks to my legs." Akane said.

"That's exactly what he did." Ranma said.

"Ah, so both parents crazy and the difference is just that of degrees." Shampoo nodded, making mental notes about where to hide bodies. Sure she probably wouldn't be allowed to execute these plans but it was nice to think about them. _Just in case._

"Right, I think this is enough for the day. We gotta start cleaning up and getting ready to leave in the morning." Ranma said.

Ehh? They were leaving? That was bad! Ryoga had a hard enough time keeping track of Akane in the forest. Going into the dense urban maze where she normally lived would make it impossible to protect her! Ryoga squealed.

"That's right P-chan, we're going home tomorrow." Akane said happily, picking up Ryoga and patting him. "I'm sure you've been sooo scared out in these woods!"

True, he had been afari, afraid for Akane's safety. But now he was more angry! Ryoga knew what he needed to do. He needed to finally put down Ranma once and for all! Oh but how could he defeat the cad when he had been stuck as a little pig the entire time! Oh if only there was some convenient source of hot water like a over a fire he just noticed!

Wait! Yes that's it! He could change with that!

Now, another aspect of Ryoga's mind that's a bit more noticeable than his ability to zone out when lost is his tunnel vision. When he gets a goal in mind he'll work towards it to the exclusion of anything else. This is another adaptation, by focusing on his goal he can better deal with being lost.

However, since he was so focused on his goal of "Change back to Beat Ranma", he missed that there was a **reason** that a pot was sitting on the fire.

* * *

Shampoo hummed a song she had heard on one of Sayuri's cds while she began digging through her pack for the rice to drop into a pot sitting on the flame. Today she'd be making some soup, since they had used up most of the main dishes they had saved. And the instant ramen. For some reason there was still one flavor packet left. So that would go into the pot.

"Bwee! Bwee!" Shampoo looked up from her pack to see P-chan jumping at the pot. "Huh? You thirsty little piggy? Usually pigs stay away from soup pot." P-chan's feet caught the edge of the pot. "Ah! No that's not a bath I don't want to get more water! Dinner will be late, get out of there P-cha-"

P-chan jumped into the pot, and the next second Shampoo saw more of a man that was not her Master than she ever wanted to see. "Ranma! Where are you! You'll pay for what you've been doing to Akane!" Ryoga Hibiki shouted, charging into the woods. Somehow grabbing his clothing that had been hanging from a tree since he vanished.

"What did I just see." Shampoo said, staring at the knocked over pot. "P-chan jumped into the pot of...hot… water."

There was a brief moment where the forest became quiet.

"That son of a bitch." Shampoo said, pulling out her chui.


	19. Sun's Down Pig's Out

With the "training" part of of the training trip over, Akane had taken Ranma back to that lovely waterfall place. She had told him she wanted some more "Practice."

This meant she was currently on her fiance's lap, doing her best to taste the back of his throat. Ranma's hands were also busy, one running down her back while the other was trying to slip under her sports bra. Of course, her own legs were wrapping around his waist and her hips were slowly grinding against his. Nothing like a make out session to wrap up a week of work. Akane pulled away for a moment, smirking at the slightly dazed look Ranma had. "Now then…" Akane felt something hard pushing up against her. "What do you want to do now?"

Ranma knew what he wanted to do, he reached further under Akane's top, and was about to take it off when-

"Ranma Saotome! **You! Will!** ** _Pay!"_**

When he had to scoop her up in his arms and jump away from an umbrella smashing down where his head had been. "Ryoga!?" Akane said, her eyes wide. "Eeep!" How much had he seen? At least she still had her clothes on! She shuddered to think of what he might have seen if he had shown up a minute later.

"Oy oy, wait a minute Ryoga. I thought you'd have figured it out by now!" Ranma shouted.

"Oh I have Ranma. I've figured out your perverse scheme to take advantage of Akane. To abuse her! Oh the horrors!" He said, tears running down his face. "Don't worry Akane, I won't tell anybody what he's done to you… why… if word got out you might never become a bride!"

"I'm engaged." She said, feeling a bit annoyed at that assertion. "Also I can do what I want! If Ra- any boy decides they don't want to marry me because I have a sex drive they can just go to-"

"Oh to think you've directed that poor woman you've enslaved to use evil Chinese brainwashing techniques on Akane!" Ryoga shouted. "I didn't think you could sink any lower, Ranma Saotome, but this is unforgivable!"

"...what?" Akane said.

"Why else would Akane engage in perversions like kissing another girl! Or you!" Ryoga said.

 **"How much have you seen!?"** Akane shouted, mortified.

Ranma was frowning. Oh yes he was realizing that P-chan seeing Akane kiss (and more, but Ranma had been too distracted to notice those bits) him and Shampoo had been a mistake. He had been thinking Ryoga's lack of reaction over the past few days had been because he had accepted it. But nope, it was because he was just stewing in his rage and building up an impressive level of self-delusion. Now he had to beat Ryoga and then hopefully Akane would talk him down from this-

"Shampoo **KILL!"** A voice that triggered Ranma's survival instincts shook the air, and Ryoga was hit on the head by a solid steel ball, sending him through two trees. "Stupid Pig Boy die for crimes!" Shampoo shrieked, her anger making her unable to speak clearly.

"Oh crap, Shampoo stop Ryoga's not a threat!" Ranma shouted, setting Akane down.

Shampoo had already vanished and was looming over Ryoga, her chui being thrust down to smash his body into the ground. But before it would reach her thrust was halted. Ryoga had caught the chui in his hand, his arm slightly shaking from the force. Shampoo blinked, and then she was hit in the gut with Ryoga's umbrella, sent off into the creek.

"Sending girls to do your dirty work!" Ryoga snapped.

"Hey! I didn't ask Shampoo to go crazy on you! What did you do to her?" Ranma said. "Also don't just knock her away! She's dangerous when she's-"

"Shampoo kill liar!" Shampoo jumped out of the creek, soaking wet, slamming both Chui where Ryoga had been standing. He had barely sidestepped the attack.

"-Breathing," Ranma finished. "Seriously Ryoga apologize for whatever you did because I haven't seen her this mad, err, hell she wasn't even this mad when she was trying to kill me!"

Akane stepped forward, "Shampoo stop!" She shouted, running to get between the two fighters. But Ranma grabbed her arm. "Ranma let go!"

"Akane, do not get between these two. Shampoo's on the warpath and Ryoga could knock you aside by accident!" Ranma said.

"How dare you! I'd never hurt Akane!" Ryoga growled.

"Except for molesting her!" Shampoo said.

Akane's head snapped to Shampoo. "What? When has Ryoga been molesting me? He'd never do something like that!"

"Yeah! I'm not like Ranma! He was molesting you just now!" Ryoga said.

"Oh so pretending to be a cute little animal and snuggling against Lady Akane's chest isn't molesting?" Shampoo said.

Ranma felt like somebody dropped one of Shampoo's chui into his stomach. "Tiny… animal?"

"Yes. Pig boy has a Jusenkyo curse like Master. Turn into cute tiny piggy. P-chan." Shampoo said.

Ryoga instantly froze, "Err, wait, that's silly!"

Akane's expression locked up, suddenly thoughts about being seen just making out with Ranma vanished from her mind. No. Now she had to think about Ryoga seeing her kiss Ranma and Shampoo. Then she realized if Shampoo was right then Ryoga had watched her have sex at least once over the past four days.

"You were so focused on beating up Master that you didn't notice me standing in front of the pot of hot water, didn't you? Or did you think I just wouldn't care?" Shampoo asked, "Do you really think I'd let you get away with tricking Master and Lady Akane!?"

"Now wait a minute! Ranma knew about my curse!" Ryoga said, defending himself in the worst way possible. Admitting to having the curse didn't actually pass the blame to Ranma that much.

No, it just made Ranma feel the angry glares of Shampoo and Akane turn to him too. "Ranma, did you really know?" Akane asked.

"Err, look… I mean! Ryoga's the one who pretended!"

"I thought you loved Lady Akane Master! How could you let some other boy sleep with her! Without her knowledge!"

"Hey I tried to pull him out whenever he got too close but-"

Akane turned back to Ryoga, ignoring Ranma's babbling. "I thought you were a nice person Ryoga. I thought you were my friend." She said quietly. "Why'd you lie like that?" She took a step towards him, and Ryoga took a step back.

"I mean, err, who's to say-" Ryoga said, before Akane pointed to the stream behind him. He was a mere step from falling in it, again. "Ah… damn it." He said, "Akane, you're just… I didn't mean to, you were just so nice and by the time I realized, err… I mean it's like I was afraid and-"

Akane held up her hand to silence him. "So what, you were so lonely that you took any affection you could get? Even the kind I'd give a pet!"

"Maybe he likes that sort of thing." Shampoo said.

"What kind of pervert would want to be treated like a pet!" Ryoga shouted at Shampoo. Ranma and Akane both turned to her , who shrugged. "Look! I mean, I wasn't going to hide it forever! Once I found the right time to tell you and- err…"

"Right after you already somehow got her dating you." Ranma said dryly.

Oh. Of course it was because he liked her. Akane sighed. "Ryoga, I'm never going to date you. I was only ever interested in being your friend. And let me tell you that you've made that a lot harder. If you want to be my **friend** than you'd better start working on making up for this."

Ryoga stared at Akane, "You're… you're not mad?" He said quietly, hope rising in his voice.

Akane smiled angelically. "No Ryoga. I'm not mad." Her smile began brighter, and Ranma felt a deep sense of dread. "I have someone to do that for me."

Ryoga felt a hand wrap around his neck, and his eyes flickered to see that Shampoo had gotten a hold of him. She was smiling too.

"Don't kill him." Akane ordered. At that command Shampoo slammed Ryoga into the ground and began inflicting The Violence upon him.

Ranma winced at the sight, before feeling Akane's gaze turn to him and realizing that he was not out of the pork house yet. "Err…"

"OK Ranma. Explain to me why you let your fiance adopt a boy as a pet." Akane said.

"Warrior's code and not revealing his weakness?" Ranma said, Akane poked him in the chest. Hard. "I didn't know?" She didn't even dignify that one with a response… "I… uh… you kissed him as a dumb pig and got mad at me when I tried to get rid of him!" He finally shouted.

Akane was about to punch this idiot for trying to use such an awful excuse when something Kasumi had told her, weeks ago, flitted through her mind.

 _"What Ranma is jealous of P-chan taking away is your affection."_

 _"Ranma clearly is interested in you. But then he sees you showing all this love to something else, and he gets upset that none of that love is being given to him. So he takes it out on the poor animal."_

"Oh my god you really were jealous of me showing affection to a pig. You got mad and didn't tell me about Ryoga until you dug yourself a nice big pit, didn't you?" Akane said in the tone someone uses when they already know the answer.

Ranma winced, "I mean, I did try and get P-chan out as much as possible! And remember, I did say he needed to sleep outside! You and Shampoo were the ones who told me we had to keep him in the tent!"

Akane rolled her eyes, "Telling me it was Ryoga would have convinced me to not drag him into the tent." She looked back at Shampoo, who was not quite finishing inflicting the Violence upon poor Ryoga.

"Oh god, where did you even find a stapler out here?!"

"Ryoga has a tent, I think you should share it with him tonight." Akane said.

"Oh come on! Ryoga's not going to let me share his tent!"

"Well I guess you'll have to hope it doesn't rain!" Akane shouted, "Now, Ranma, _dear,_ I'm going to forgive you for this because it's pretty clear you're both idiot boys about it. And we weren't actually a couple when you did it." She grabbed him by his shirt collar, "But are there any other secrets like this? Anything that affects our relationship? Because if you tell me now we're good. But if I find out you've been hiding anything like this after tonight we are **done.** I am not going to be engaged to somebody who keeps something like **this** from me, _understand?"_

Ranma nodded very quickly, "Crystal clear!" He said.

"So are there any other secrets I need to hear about?"

Ranma wracked his brain. "Uhh.. nope I don't think there's anything you don't know about that might cause trouble for, uh, whatever thing we have going."

* * *

The waves crashed against the shore. Somehow avoiding soaking the okonomiyaki griddle in seawater. "Soon my training will be complete, then you'll see what a woman scorned looks like, Ranma Saotome!" Ukyo Kuonji said, her face set into a determined grimace.

* * *

"I mean, I guess somebody might get some dumb idea somewhere? But I don't know anything." Ranma said, desperately trying to cover his rear in case something did pop up.

Akane let go of his collar. She didn't feel angry at him. Just frustrated. "Fine." She said. She looked down at herself, "Well I think the mood's been killed." She walked over and threw back on her t-shirt. Then she turned back to Ryoga. Shampoo looked finished with him. "Are you sorry Ryoga?" She asked him.

"Hello Shirokuro!" Ryoga said.

"I guess I'll take that as a we'll see." Akane said.

* * *

Overall the Training Trip could be rated a 8 out of 10. Akane got a lot done, and even most of the interruptions weren't bad when you consider they're a trio of recently sexually awakened individuals in an intimate relationship.

Except for the problems caused by Ryoga. Those had lead to Akane been keeping a slight distance from Ranma even after banishing him from the tent last night. She was currently staring out the window as the train took the three of them back to suburban Tokyo. With Shampoo sitting between them as a buffer. Shampoo could feel the wall built up between the engaged couple, and she knew very well that if not settled soon it might build up and destroy their young relationship!

Luckily Shampoo knew of a sure fire method to deal with this. "Master, Shampoo needs to use restroom, can you escort me?" She asked in her cutesiest voice she knew Ranma could rarely resist. For a strong martial artist who turned into a cute girl, he had a massive and exploitable weakness to cute girls. Without her and Lady Akane to keep him distracted who knew what cute and sexy enemies would take advantage of it?

Ranma's eyes flickered back to Akane, who only briefly turned to look at him before letting out a little huff and staring at something that was "anything not Ranma Saotome." So he nodded, "Sure why not." He stood up and in a flash she had her arm entwined with his. The stares of the handful of other passengers didn't bother Shampoo, and she half dragged Ranma to one of the restrooms near the end of the train's car.

"So, uh, you want me to stand-" Ranma said before Shampoo pulled open the small stall open and pushed him in with her. "Shampoo!?"

"Master, Lady Akane is under some stress." Shampoo said, "And if you let that stress build it may destroy your relationship with her."

"What? Is this about Ryoga? I thought we went over that already!" Ranma said, barely having enough room to slap the wall.

"Yes it's about Pig-boy. Who, by the way, I will cook if I catch him in Lady Akane's bed again." Shampoo said, "Master lied to Lady Akane for stupid reasons, and even if she's willing to forgive you she's going to be sensitive for a while. We need to give her the emotional release she needs."

Ranma frowned, "Uh... I don't think she's in the mood for any release from me." He said.

Shampoo blinked, "Oh.. oh no. This isn't a sex thing." She said. They had been having too too much fun recently. "It's simply releasing her stress before she can build it up to the point of no return." Shampoo shuddered, "She might use the Three Year Smile of Death if we're not careful."

"The what?"

"A dreaded technique used by women. To focus our stress and frustration at men to single point, like dagger." Shampoo intoned in the most ominous voice her had heard her use. "For three years she'll ruin your clothing, break your possessions, and burn your meals with a pleasant smile on her face. Slowly making your life hell, until the final day. Where… well…" Shampoo trailed off, but the implication was clear from the title of the technique. "We need to start now, before any further pressure can build."

Ranma recoiled from the mental image of Akane with a giant nodachi or something with a Kasumi-like smile getting ready to cut his head off. "She wouldn't do that?"

"Lady Akane is very forgiving. But I don't know if I would be able to so easily forgive if something like that had happened to me." Shampoo said, and Ranma winced. "Luckily since we know the problem early we can solve it. I know of an ancient technique that can be used to release Lady Akane's stress. You'll practice it on me and then use it on her when she steps out of the train."

"What is it?" Ranma said, "Show me?"

Shampoo smiled sweetly, "Of course Master. Luckily it's pretty simple. It's a pressure point you use your hand to hit, and then…"

* * *

"So Ranma said he's coming back on this train right?" Hiroshi said, "After a whole week with two utter babes, alone."

"What did he do to get this?" Daisuke said, "I mean sure he's funny, athletic, good looking, witty…"

"But who cares about all his positive traits? How did he get Akane to go along with dating him, and why is Shampoo acting like her life revolves around him?" Hiroshi said.

"Look! I mean, there has to be something!" Daisuke said, "I mean, Akane seemed to be against any guys dating her, and Shampoo follows her around a ton too…" There was a bit of silence between the boys for a moment. "You don't think it has something to do with that pigtailed girl with his name?"

"No. And given how Ranma acts when we ask about her I bet would hit me if the thought ever did cross my mind." Hiroshi said.

That's when the two noticed the train that their friend and his hot… girlfriends(?) were on pulled into the station. They hung back while a few people got out. And it was Daisuke who noticed the single most desired girl in Furinkan High step out first, Akane. "Oh hey Tendo!" he waved, thanking his lucky stars that their friendship with Ranma let them into her social circle.

Akane's gaze flicked over to them and she held up her hand for a wave. But then Ranma stepped out behind her. His expression was oddly serious, with Shampoo by his side looking equally grim. Before either could call his name out his hand blurred, and came to a stop… on Akane's butt. Both Hiroshi and Daisuke's jaws hit the floor, because this wasn't a quick brush up or even trying to sneak a grope. No. Ranma's hand spent at least three seconds rubbing Akane's rear. It was a great rear, and anybody attracted to women would be envious of him for getting to know how it felt.

Time seemed to freeze there, in that moment. A scant three seconds felt like an hour. Akane had been frozen in that pose, her hand raised up to wave at them. Then Akane closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and spun around to slap the taste right out of Ranma's mouth with the kind of pop that only a martial artist could manage.

"Dude." Hiroshi whispered.

"Ah, Lady Akane released her anger, the technique was a success!" Shampoo said happily.

"How was that a success! Ow! I think you loosened a tooth!" Ranma said.

"She only hit you once instead of beating you within an inch of your life." Shampoo nodded sagely. "Goosing Lady Akane in public would normally do that."

"This was your idea?!" Akane yelled, grabbing Shampoo by the collar, with the other hand grabbing Ranma by his own.

"Ancient pressure point technique to release any anger." Shampoo said quickly.

"Yeah Shampoo said it'd stop nasty stuff from building up."

"Did you ever think that groping me in public would make me mad by itself?" Akane asked.

Both looked at each other, "Nooo…" They said.

Akane's glower lasted for another second, before it suddenly split. "Oh my god I expected better of you Shampoo." Akane said, before letting them both go and giggling. "What was that about? Honestly, did you panic because I was miffed at Ranma?"

"...maybe?" Shampoo said quietly.

"I think they're going to kiss now." Daisuke whispered, and the trio noticed they were being watched.

"What are you two doing here!?" Ranma shouted.

"Dude you asked us to help you carry Akane and Shampoo's stuff after you got back." Hiroshi said.

Akane rolled her eyes, walking past Ranma and discreetly slapping him on the butt. "Well in that case you have fun explaining to them what your brilliant plan was."


	20. Martial Arts Absurdity

It was another week before Ranma managed to force the idea that _"it was just a martial arts technique"_ enough to save him. Luckily Akane seemed to have mostly forgiven, if not forgotten. So he supposed it did work, even if Ryoga ran screaming the last time he saw Akane.

Thankfully, the week of no school didn't do much. Especially since Kasumi made sure that Nabiki got all their homework without gouging them for all their money. Nabiki didn't like it that much. But saying no to the person that makes your food isn't very smart.

Speaking of food, tonight Shampoo was in the kitchen with Kasumi, and both were preparing dinner. This wasn't quite uncommon, and with Kasumi no longer being the only competent chef in the house she had been visiting Dr. Tofu a lot more. Incidentally there were a lot more minor injuries in the neighborhood. Ranma was reading a manga at the table, one eye on the wacky antics on the page and one on Shampoo wearing an apron tossing up stir fry.

"That smells impressive, what seasoning is that?" Kasumi asked.

"Ah, something I picked up while out." Shampoo said, "I remember Master liking this flavor when he was in China."

Ranma suddenly remembered that the scent was the exact same as some fantastic noodles he had been having in China. Before Shampoo had busted down the wall with a bigger than usual mace and started trying to kill him again. Ah, memories. Funny how he mostly just saw her as a cute girl now instead of like a Chinese female terminator. He actually felt **nostalgic** about his past with Shampoo.

"Do you like it?" Kasumi asked.

Shampoo shrugged, "Never had it, just recognize the smell and the places menu."

Ranma frowned at hearing that. He knew Shampoo had this weird… thing with putting his and Akane's needs over her own. Why not get something because she liked it? Even with his cheap old man Ranma had an allowance and got comics and went to movies. And got plenty of snacks, though thanks to Jusenkyo it was a lot cheaper. He couldn't think of a single thing Shampoo had gotten for herself in the time she had lived with him. She lived austerely overall, nothing to her name besides her arsenal of weapons. "Hey Shampoo?"

"Hmm?" Shampoo turned to look back at him mid flip of the stir fry, somehow still catching it all without missing a beat.

"Anything you want?" He asked. "Like some books or a movie or something?"

"You want to take me on date?" Shampoo said, looking a little confused.

This was the point that Soun entered the room, his head had been buried into a newspaper but the moment Shampoo said "date" his hands tore it asunder. "What's this about a date!?" He shouted.

"Ah Master wants to take me on one, maybe as practice for Lady Akane?" Shampoo said, turning back to her cooking.

"I feared this day would come, oh what will Akane say!" Soun said, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"What will I say?" Akane stepped into the room herself with a stack of finished homework in hand.

"Ranma's taking Shampoo on a date and Father's a bit unhappy about it." Kasumi said.

"Ah, have fun." Akane said, and Soun was in a flash gripping her shoulders.

"Akane have you already given up on the engagement?" Soun said, "Oh what would your mother think!?"

"Uh it's not a date!" Ranma before this misunderstanding could continue any further, "I was just thinking maybe Shampoo would like something of her own instead of just polishing her sword when not cooking, cleaning or doing school work!"

The tears stopped flowing, "Well uh it's not like she does-"

"She's cooking dinner." Akane said. "She's cleaned your room."

"Did his laundry." Shampoo said, "Lady Akane your father needs more than three gis to wear."

Soun looked actively betrayed at the idea of somebody other than Kasumi doing laundry.

"Yeah Mr. Tendo, after so much Shampoo's done for you don't you think she deserves a little reward?" Ranma said.

"Oh I don't think-"

"Yeah Dad. I think you owe Shampoo something." Akane said, in a moment of unspoken planning born in an instant. Both her and Ranma were now up and putting the pressure on Soun. "What would you want Shampoo?"

This time Shampoo didn't look away from her cooking, she let her mind focus on some childhood memories. "Ah… a video game? Wasn't allowed that."

"Video games are expensive!" Soun said in horror.

"Not like we can't afford it Dad." Akane said, "And that sounds fun."

"Akane, listen, if she wants a game she can go buy it with her own money and-" Soun stopped his justification because he saw that Ranma had pulled out **his** wallet. "Who taught you to pick pockets Ranma!" He said in a scandalized tone.

Ranma and Akane just stared at him for a long moment. Letting the answer to that question he already knew sink on. "Thanks for paying for Shampoo's gift Mr. Tendo." Ranma said, pocketing Soun's debit card. "How about we head downtown and get you something after dinner?"

Shampoo squirmed in place for a moment, "That sounds fun." She said.

* * *

If you wanted games and electronics than the best place to go was Akihabara. The crowded rows of games, anime, and comic shops filled up Shampoo's eyes. She could hardly believe that someone like her was getting an actual gift from Ranma and Akane! Honestly this was far more than she had ever expected when leaving Joketsuzoku...

"So what do you want first?" Ranma said, Shampoo's eyes dancing around the stores was adorable.

"Ah.. ah... " She hadn't ever been asked that before… she was shaking at that question. "Oh Sham- I I'm not sure what - Cute!" She saw this adorable looking t  
"As I was saying, I'm not even sure - ooh!" She picked up a handheld game console. "Ah, I wouldn't even know where to - Oh! I couldn't find this game back home!"  
This pattern repeated for about another minute or so, until Shampoo had a large pile of stuff™ piled in her arms. "I wouldn't even know where to start," Shampoo said. Then she jumped and hopped off to another shelf. "She's so cute!" She said, gesturing kind of towards the Lum doll on the top of the Stuff.

Ranma looked over to Akane, "Uh, how much does your old man have?"

"His only job is the town council and we have this huge house and budget." Akane said, "I don't know where Dad gets the money from but according to Nabiki we have lots of it."

"OK then he owes us then." Ranma said. While carefully repressing the things his imagination was trying desperately to whisper to him about where Soun was actually getting the money from.

* * *

So far they had gotten a collection of dolls, some anime episodes, and a couple model kits. A bit more than just a gaming system. But every time Shampoo saw some new piece of merch her eyes would start sparkling and Ranma couldn't say no to that.

But they had finally reached a gaming store. Shampoo had asked if she could carry the ever increasing bags but Akane had put her foot down on her carrying things on an outing for her. Which of course led to Ranma carrying all of the bags. Which ultimately was making Soun's assumption right. This was a date. One he was paying for. Paying a lot for.

"Ah… this look fun." Shampoo said happily, having stumbled across a Super Famicom bundled with an RPG. "I remember seeing, err, this in Hong Kong. Parents told me no." She picked it up, "Ah… why are you two…"

We now interrupt this heartwarming scene with a black and white blur barging into the game store, and before any member of the trio could react it scooped up Ranma and pulled him out of the store. All the bags dropping to the ground, "Woah!" Akane managed to catch them.

Shampoo sat down the Famicom. "Did.. did someone just **kidnap** Master in front of me?"

"Err, I think? Maybe it was… who was that?" Akane said, and he noticed the battle aura forming around Shampoo. "I mean, we can go see what he's doing and-"

Shampoo charged out of the store, "Where did they go!?"

"Wat! Shampoo! You forgot to pay for the console!" Akane shouted

* * *

Shampoo was one of the best trackers back when she was in Joketsuzoku. Consider how good Genma and Ranma are at hiding and running away, and that Shampoo didn't know about their curses until reaching Japan. Yet she **still** tracked them down.

Whoever had grabbed Ranma was not near as good at covering their tracks. She ran down the roads of Akihabara, reaching a section with cafes and restaurants. Several shoppers jumped back in surprise at the charging Chinese girl.

She ran up and kicked the door down, "Master Ranma!" She shouted.

"Ah! Wel-welcome!" And a girl was bowing in front of her. She was wearing… a maid outfit? Shampoo recognized it. A black skirt and blouse with white lace trim, and a similarly white apron. White stockings with dark shoes, she bowed. "I'm Tsukou! Pleased to serve you today!"

Shampoo didn't let this delay her, "Where is he!" She shouted, throwing out her hand to grab the girl by the collar, but to Shampoo's surprise the girl slid to the side.  
"P-Pardon me Master!" She said.

"What?" Shampoo said.

"We have a strict no touching policy! If you continue I'll have to ask you to leave!" She said in a tone that clearly said she did not like direct conflict. Somehow sliding to avoid Shampoo's continued attempts to grab at her while **still bowing.**

Shampoo growled and, after a moment, turned up the speed. Suddenly the girl's weird dodging was no longer effective, and she gripped Tsukou by the collar. "No games, why you kidnap Master?"

"E-eha? I didn't kidnap anybody, I invited him and you to our cafe!" She said.

"Tsukou…" An exasperated voice said. Shampoo turned to see a taller woman wearing a similar maid outfit. "Did you just grab Master Ranma here?"

"Ah!" Shampoo let go of the girl, because Ranma was standing behind this new lady! Sure he looked as confused as she felt but he was safe! "Master!" She tackled him.  
"Oh hey Shampoo… gaah!" Ranma struggled to stay standing with her hug. "This place has pretty good cake!"

"Miss Kazuki you said you needed them!" Tsukou whined.

"Ugg…" The older woman, Kazuki sighed. "Forget Tsukou, her eagerness makes her… jump ahead." She then bowed to them. "Hello Master Ranma, Master Shampoo. Welcome to our cafe."

"Welcome to Martial Arts Maid Cafe!" Tsukou said with a cheer.

"Martial… Arts… maid cafe…?" Shampoo said, and even Ranma looked confused.

"Yes it's a subschool of Martial Arts Maidery that I developed." Kazuki said happily.

"That just brings more questions!" Ranma said.

"But… err... We have a problem." Kazuki said, "You see-"

That's when a long red carpet was hurled into the entrance of the building. Shampoo managed to jump to the side but Ranma was just a tad too slow and was flattened.  
Then a tall blonde woman in a french maid outfit and sharp glasses, perfectly poised, walked in with a feather duster and brushed off the carpet. Once done she pulled out a CD player and playing some rather pompous sounding music from the speakers. "It is ready Master Gustave."

At those words a man who looked like he had just stepped out of Pre-Revolution era France stepped into the room. His long blonde hair draping in curls behind his elaborate coat and cape. He adjusted his cravat and looked around the room. "This is what you've betrayed our art-form, Kazuki!?"

"Gustave!" Kazuki said, "Listen here!"

"That's Master Gustave to you!" The blond maid stepped forward, "You disgrace the name of Martial Arts Maidery with this… this cafe!"

"Now now Madeleine." Gustave said, adjusting his gloves. "This is a shameful display, yes, but she always was the lesser practitioner." He thrust about his arm, making the cape fly out dramatically. "She is but a maid. Everyone knows that Marital Arts Maids need a Master. It's a team. The Leader and the Servant. Without anyone to Lead, she is nothing."

"So what, this fop's your old boss?" Shampoo said.

At those words Gustave seemed to finally notice the other people in the room. Though not Ranma, he was still trying to get out from under the rug.

"Pardon me, but who is this peasant, some deserving recipient of Kazuki's maidery?" Gustave said, "Some poor fool who knows nothing of service?"

It was at this point Ranma managed to get himself out from under that stupidly heavy rug. "Ugg watch where you're throwing the red carpet!"

"Ah, are you OK Master?" Shampoo said, running over to Ranma's side

"'Master'? Is this one of your failed students?" Madeleine said.

"No way!" At that Tsukou jumped up to Shampoo's defense. "This is Miss Shan Pu! We've heard a lot about her from one of our best customers! How she's the ultimate fighter servant!"

"Eh?" Shampoo turned back to the clumsier maid. "Who's been talking about-"

"You? A Servant? A barbarian like you?" Gustave was immediately in front of Shampoo. "How droll. Where's the poise? The dignity of a maid? None, all I see is some flighty girl." He stretched his arms out. His fingers looked ready to grasp at Shampoo's face, examining her like some livestock.

Before Shampoo could break his fingers a hand lashed out and grasped his wrist. "Oy, Barbarian? Really?" Ranma said icily.

"Humph. And are you the 'Master'? What sort of maid is this?" Gustave said.

"Being a Martial Arts Maid is about the perfect combination of leading and following. Master and Maid unite to create an unbeatable force." Madeleine adjusted her glasses, "It's not for peons such as yourselves."

"Martial Arts Maidery should not be held exclusively by wealthy plutocrats! It belongs to the world!" Kazuki shouted.

"Some no good whelp like you, boy, can't even call himself the head of an elementary school class project, let along a Master!" Gustave said.

"Hey! I, uh…" Ranma wondered if his pride should be bothered by being called a bad Master. When he didn't really want to be Shampoo's Master in the first place! Mostly! "Shampoo likes it!"

"Of course she does, I imagine someone from the backwater communist hellhole that is China would be happy with a dog to follow. Peons like yourself could never be a true Master and Maid." Gustave pulled his hand out of Ranma's grip. "Now to destroy this foolish waste of a cafe! Madeleine!"

Before the glasses wearing maid could act Shampoo stepped forward, "Wait just minute! Master Ranma is way better than you!"

"Y-yeah! I bet you that I'm way better at, uh... what do I do Shampoo?"

"You give me orders Master and I take care of you."

Right Ranma wondered when was the last time that actually happened. Either way, "Yeah! I can beat you at any creepy master junk."

Gustave burst out laughing, the spittle hit Ranma in the face which made him want to punch the smug prick. "Very well, in a week I shall return to destroy these peasants flying too close to the sun, come Madeleine." He threw out his cape, and the carpet rolled behind him with the sharply dressed maid following closely.

"You asshole you never even gave me a proper Master to train with!" Kazuki shouted.

It was at this point Akane, with all the stuff they had bought in her arms, charged into the cafe. "Shampoo! Ranma are you two in her and who was that guy out front?"

"Ah, Lady Akane." Shampoo said, "Master Ranma and myself been challenged to a Martial Arts Maidery match to defeat a creepy racist."

"He's a misogynist too." Kazuki said. "He treated me like a backup! I knew I had a dream. To spread the joy of Martial Arts Maidery to the world." She pulled out a microphone, "But my understudy Tsukou is not ready to take on that creeper!"

Akane sat down Shampoo's gifts on a nearby table. "Except I've never even heard of Martial Arts Maids, and you're not a maid Shampoo."

"She has the spirit of one! A drive to stubbornly help and serve!" Tsukou jumped in.

Akane looked over to Ranma, "So what, you've got to learn some new martial arts style in a week?"

"Hey I won that Martial Arts Gymnastics match!"

"Only because I saved your butt."

"After I took your place after you sprained your ankle!"

The bickering began and Shampoo smiled. She couldn't remember feeling so giddy. She had gotten more gifts than she had ever gotten in her life, and she was actually getting to fight for Ranma! Sure, it was some weird style that she had never seen before, but how hard could it be?

* * *

And here, we come upon a rare sight. Within their natural habitat of a training dojo, this young pair of martial arts prodigies are engaged in the time old tradition of trying to beat their heads against a wall until they understand an esoteric martial art.

"Hey Shampoo, do you mind mopping up that spill?"

"Of course, Master Ranma!"

"Thanks."

"Please don't mention it."

Cue one scantily clad maid swanning over to a 'spill' in the corner of the dojo, bending over at the waist and only the waist, then gently dabbing it up with a piece of cloth. While Ranma stared across the dojo and tried his very hardest to stay focused on the task at hand. It was only unfortunate for his mental state that the task at hand was not marching over there to seize him some Chinese ass.

"Master, that was really more of a suggestion than a command," Shampoo observed when she was done deliberately flaunting her goods. "I am rather sure that you must give me commands if we are to engage in this strange fighting style."

"Yeah but, I mean, you just kind of do stuff for me most of the time?" Ranma said, his eyes kept on flicking down the lace garters wrapped around Shampoo's thighs, which produced an interesting gap of skin between it and the maid skirt. "I'm not really comfortable with ordering someone around. You know?"

Shampoo pulled the manual for Martial Arts Maidery out of her cleavage, which is actually where it should be stored according to said manual, and flipped to a page. "Yes Master normally I'm happy to do that but it says here that you must give commands to maximize my… 'Maidability.'"

Ranma fidgeted nervously. This reminded him of a couple of nights ago where the family was playing Scrabble. He was _certain_ Nabiki was making up words, but the way she was looking at him, as if she was daring him to call her on it...

"Master must be harsher with Shampoo, that is the only way we will win."

"Harsher with Shampoo..." Ranma mumbled. "That sounds kind of tricky. I don't have a harsh bone in my body."

Shampoo gave him a look that could be best summarized as "you literally cannot believe what you have just heard, and it is taking every fiber of your being to keep that from being shown on your face but you're still only just holding it back. Also there's tumbleweed blowing by, summoned by your emotional state and silence." Finally, she said three words. "Uncute flatchested tomboy." She said, and decided that was all that needed to be said.

"Huh? I thought Akane was with her friends?" Ranma turned around to look for her. Half hoping she, too, was wearing a maid uniform.

Shampoo rubbed her forehead. He was her Master. She adored him. Really. She completely adored him. But he was so, so stupid at times. As in, a lot of the time. Then again, there's an argument that this was why God invented women in the first place.

She flipped back to the manual, there fortunately was a section for training Master's who were too squeamish to properly guide a Maid (honestly being a Maid sounded a lot harder than being a Slave). So she read over the ideas, shut the manual, and tucked it back between her breasts.

"Maybe I'm the problem here," Shampoo said. "Since I'm always doing what you want without questioning it, it's not encouraging you to treat me like a servant..."

Well, if she was being honest she kind of wanted him to treat her like a servant. Lady Akane did so sometimes (when she was in a particular mood) but Master Ranma had yet to really do so.

"So here's what I think we should do," Shampoo said. "Whenever you treat me like a servant, I do as you say. If you treat me otherwise I drop cold water on you."

Ranma thought it over. Well, he'd done weirder kinds of training for martial arts. If it helped them get the hang of this weird fighting style then he was all for it. "Okay, sure. Good idea."

And then Ranma was immediately soaked through, and also a girl. "Hey, what the hell was that for?!" she yelled.

Shampoo curtseyed. "You treated me like an equal, Master. By accepting my idea so readily, you failed to treat me as a servant. Perhaps I should also tread on your foot when you slip up?"

"Hrm... Yeah, that might be better reinforcement than just the water - Ow! Shampoo! Ugh! Never mind, this was a bad idea. No way this is gonna work."

"Now Master is understanding!" Shampoo curtseyed again.

Ranma gave her the stinkeye for that one. Which she seemed actually quite happy about. Ugh! The things that you had to put up with to get good at martial arts!

* * *

Kasumi Tendo is not an idiot. Now, we're not saying that she gives off the impression that she is less intelligent than you might expect, but some people do claim that she's a bit scatterbrained seeming at times. Really? Is that the impression she gives? Because Kasumi is actually quite an intelligent young woman. She borrows medical books from Doctor Tofu all the time. To read for her own interest. Even though she's not going through medical school, she could quite handily serve as a nurse under the good Doctor - if not for the legal ramifications preventing her from actually practicing medicine of course.

She had been the first to see the attraction between Ranma and Akane, and also seen how much both were into Shampoo. So she had been loved more than anything helping guide those three to a happy relationship. And now she was putting birth control pills into Akane and Shampoo's food to make sure said happy relationship didn't lead to babies before either wanted them.

"I wonder how they're getting along," Kasumi said. "Akane didn't seem in the best of moods earlier, and it sounded like Ranma and Shampoo were going to be training today... Perhaps I ought to have a word with them to find out why Akane was so upset."

As such, this bright and innocent - but not naive - young woman approached the training hall that belonged to her family, pondering how best to approach this sensitive topic. It wasn't something that should be phrased indelicately. Especially considering the complicated and unusual nature of the relationship...

"Harder, Master! Not hard enough!"

"Uh... Okay! L-Listen, up you cheeky little maid! Clean up that mess you made on the floor! Before I get angry!"

"Yes Master! Right away Master!"

Now, that sort of exchange is exactly the sort of thing to make one stop cold in their tracks purely to ask if they had actually heard what they thought they had heard.  
"No, it couldn't be," Kasumi shook her head. "I'm sure they're only training."

"Actually, you know what? Use your tongue. Like the... Like the naughty animal you are?"

"Ooh, yes Master!"

That wasn't even fair. Kasumi hadn't even had the chance to lift up her foot yet from the last time she'd stopped cold in her tracks. Because that really and truly did sound exactly like BDSM play.

"And you'd better be quick about it! Or I'll... Or I'll!"

"No Master, please don't punish Shampoo! She'll be good, she'll do what you say."

All of a sudden Kasumi felt the keen urge to be somewhere else. Where didn't matter. The arctic, the Gobi desert, the Mariana trench or even the surface of the moon. Didn't much matter. The only place she could think of that would be less comfortable than this would be inside that hidden area in Nabiki's closet with all _those_ clothes that she thought Kasumi didn't know about.

* * *

"I don't think this is working."

Usually when Ranma says those words it is because the room is in shambles. Last time he'd said it there were venus fly traps growing out of the ceiling, a mongoose in the sink and the poor pianist wasn't able to get his shoes clean because the dog was sleeping on them.

Yeah, it's really best not to ask about the weirder training ideas to spring forth from the mind of Genma Saotome. The part that confused Ranma the most was that these esoteric methods tended to work far more often than not. Though they did come with their own unique form of psychological scarring, and on occasion he'd go a little bit too far.

Luckily the room was not in that much disarray this time around. Sure, the training hall floor was pretty filthy in spite of the fact that Shampoo had been scrubbing it on her hands and knees for the last hour while he watched with rapt, nigh-hypnotized fascination. But it was generally presentable. He wouldn't feel embarrassed if someone came along for a visit.

"Shampoo agrees," was the response. "Master feels... like he's forcing it. Commands don't quite feel genuine, and your eyes give away what you're thinking about ordering well before you say anything."

Right. Well... part of the problem was that this was such a fundamentally unusual martial arts style. A Master and a Maid, operating as a team. The Master commands the Maid to take action. The Maid does it, and the two of them team attack whoever it is. It kind of reminded Ranma of a dance really. One takes the lead and the other follows. Still, it didn't quite sit right with him. There was definitely something missing here...

"Maybe if we saw it in action...?" Ranma suggested. "There are times when I don't figure out one of these weird styles until it kicks my ass first. Maybe that'd do it?"

"Not sure that'll work too well," Shampoo waved her hands dismissively. "They won't attack you before the match. And I'm quite sure they will recognize your girl form in spite of your 'cunning disguises'."

"Aw man, and I got a new one all set up I've been dying to use," Ranma harrumphed. "You oughta see it. I do my hair up in twin pigtails, put on this dorky pair of glasses, a jumper that's a size too small and this really cute blue mini-skirt I found for sale the other day. She's a scatterbrained ditz who likes to help people out. Not got a name for her yet, but I'm working on it."

Now Shampoo was giving Ranma a look that said "If I didn't know any better I'd swear you were super into looking cute as a girl but suppressing it behind your heavily reinforced masculine identity. But I'd better not say anything like that aloud because it might cause irreparable psychological damage due to how tied into your masculine sense of self your identity has become."

So she just said "Master sure is cute sometimes" instead.

"Well anyway... All we gotta do is get them to make use of their fighting style," Ranma said.

"That won't be easy." Shampoo warned. "They don't strike me as the sort who would attack someone without being provoked, which means we need to find a volunteer who is dumb enough to take an ass kicking and is also annoying enough to get them to genuinely kick their ass. But who do we know that is both stupid enough and annoying enough to -"

* * *

"Behold! Your cafe has been visited by the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High! Tatewaki Kuno, age seventeen has arrived!"

So yeah, this was a thing that was happening now. The rest of the customers in the cafe looked briefly at this weirdo boy walking in with a cocky swagger that totally did not seem warranted at all - and then they got back to their business. Well, not quite all the customers did that. There was this pair of girls sitting in the corner, wearing sunglasses and trench coats and holding newspapers in front of their faces that they clearly weren't reading.

Oh, and also Ranma and Shampoo who were sitting at the next table over.

"Welcome to our cafe sir," a certain cute maid said, skipping on over to the idiot and curtseying for him while smiling brightly. "How may I help you today?"

"Fair maiden, I have heard tell that you have fallen for my charm," Kuno said, taking her hand and moving to kiss it. His lips met menu. "I came in person for naught but one reason: To dispel your affectoins before they burrow in too deep. For, though I am flattered, my heart doth belong to another."

"And another... and another..." Ranma rolled her eyes.

"Eeeehhhhh!?" She turned grey, "N-no way it's forbidden!" She looked around, "A m-maid must be impartial! So says my teacher!"

"Then truly I must ask swiftly! For the sake of ensuring your affections do not sway you onto a path of lurid temptation!" Kuno deftly swept her off her feet into the bridal carry pose. "There is but one cure for those who fall under the effects of the Blue Thunder's charms!"

"Quickly! You must act quickly!" the maid moaned, pressing the back of her hand against her forehead. "I can feel it now. The path of temptation is before my sullied eyes!"

"... Is she actually falling for him?" Shampoo whispered. Ranma didn't respond. Kind of too busy banging her head against the nearest wall.

"Ahem!" another voice coughed. Kazuki had arrived. "That's quite enough of that young lady. You've got duties to attend to."

"Oh, right away!"

"Ah, madame! This is quite the dangerous time," Kuno attempted to interrupt. "If not careful, then the romance in her heart shall bloom like a weed until all she can think about is -"

"Clean up those crumbs on the floor!"

"O-Oh right away Madam!" Tsukou zoomed into action right away, grabbing hold of a broom and using it to brush Kuno right into Kazuki's outstretched fist without seeming to notice. Then she deftly hit him in the guts with a serving tray.

"Take this to table three!" Kazuki demanded, pushing the tray hard into Kuno's sternum.

"Right away!" Tsukou grabbed the tray and carried both it and Kuno directly to table three. Without seeming to notice the weight at all.

"N-Now see here!" Kuno began to protest, sitting up from the table. Then getting slammed in the face by the underside of a teacup and pushed back down against the table.

"Fill me up!" Kazuki barked. Cue Tsukou pouring boiling hot water right into the cup that was now resting on top of Kuno's forehead. The boy let out a whimper that quickly became a scream when his movement caused the cup to spill onto the table. "Take out the trash."

Cue Kuno being hurled out the front door. All without Tsukou even seeming to notice. "Oh my goodness... wherever did that extremely handsome, intelligent and charming customer go?"

"Well that explains why Kazuki thinks she wouldn't win against that racist misogynist..." Shampoo whispered to Ranma. "Ah! Kazuki? How does that work with customers?"

"Most customers it needs used on have someone they hate coming in with them," Kazuki explained.

"That's right!" Tsukou skipped. "Martial arts maidery is a style that is 'maid' to support masters and loved ones!"

Ranma and Shampoo both suddenly flew out of their chairs and landed hard on the other side of the cafe. They'd taken more damage from that pun than Kuno had from the entire routine.


End file.
